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Original poster

Is he entitled to my redundancy?

70 replies

Moomintoes · 07/03/2017 23:43

I am about to receive a redundancy pay out. My oh is my fiancé, we are not yet married and no current immediate plans as of yet.
We have 1 child together and I have 1 with a previous partner.
I/we have no plans to split up however if we ever fall out he likes to try and bring money and possessions into it, threatens to leave with the tv that HE paid for on his card etc that type of thing. I'm really not a possession person so he never gets a reaction from me and also we pay half of everything, get the same wages monthly and have the same left over after bills, joint account for shopping which we pay equally into.
Since finding out around a month ago that I will be made redundant he now uses this in any arguments and has said that he is entitled to half of my redundancy money.
Is this the case if we were to split up?

I do have a job to go to because despite him constantly trying to put me down and tell me to "get a job you lazy xyz" I have been offered 4 already in just 4 weeks so we are planning on using the money for a house deposit. (If I get my way as tenants in common 60/40 split due to the deposit being my redundancy money)

OP posts:
RedastheRose · 08/03/2017 01:02

It is a control tactic to constantly try and keep you off balance and running after him and trying to keep him happy. My ex did the same and the endless circular arguments. My ex is a full on narcissist though, have a look at the narc red flags and see if anything is familiar.

HarrietSchulenberg · 08/03/2017 01:18

His arguments are ridiculous. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with such a petty twat? If he keeps threatening to leave, hold the door open and tell him to take his TV with him. And his sofa.
Seriously, though, if he threatens to leave then it's obviously something he thinks about doing so don't be surprised if he does.
In answer to your original question: no, he's not entitled to your redundancy money as you are not married. If I were you, I'd keep it that way.

FreeNiki · 08/03/2017 01:24

Out of interest does he include your other child in the his and yours selfishness.

He doesn't even let you sit on something he bought: does he extend that to your child that isnt his?

Graphista · 08/03/2017 01:38

Another saying boot him - with 'his' sofa and tv - sounds like my ex, you'd be better off rid, you're clearly a capable, sought after employee, unselfish but sensible person and considerate mum, you don't need him. Though I'd be prepared for him to dodge paying maintenance.

Echoing 'how does he treat your eldest?'

80sMum · 08/03/2017 01:42

OP, my advice would be that you should put aside all thoughts of marrying this man. He seems entirely unsuitable husband material. You can do better than this. Cut your losses and let go of him.

Next time, don't even contemplate moving in with anyone who is not interested in sharing the rest of his life with you, let alone the TV and the sofa! Life as a couple is all about sharing, about being each other's best friend and about being there for each other. There should be no talk of 'mine' or 'his' or 'hers', it should all be 'ours'.

Chottie · 08/03/2017 02:05

Please reconsider your future and your decision to marry this man. He does not sound like he brings any joy to your life......

Original poster
Moomintoes · 08/03/2017 06:34

He doesn't treat any of our children this way no. He treats our eldest as his own, her dad is still on the scene and she sees him often we all get on well but my oh does see her as "mine" and not his. It's a possessions and money thing only with him.

OP posts:
WorldWideWish · 08/03/2017 06:37

Don't marry him OP!

HolgerDanske · 08/03/2017 06:40

If you're not married he's not legally entitled to any of your redundancy pay. He's not morally entitled to any of it either, since he's not a decent partner.

As a mother, in event of a split your only duty is to your children and yourself, and safeguarding your security.

ChuckDaffodils · 08/03/2017 06:41

Don't marry this man, as soon as he is married nothing will be yours.

Read these red flags and run the fuck away.

Pleasejustgetdressed · 08/03/2017 06:43

Get out get out get and. And for fuck's sake don't marry him.

Costacoffeeplease · 08/03/2017 06:53

He sounds like a pathetic little man 'his' sofa indeed, let him take it, it would be worth it to be rid of him

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 08/03/2017 06:57

Please don't marry this man. Will he start to demand that "your" children don't use "his" things? Sounds like a very slippery slope.

And keep the ring. 😉

Yeahfine · 08/03/2017 06:59

This is quite shocking. Next time he threatens to take his stuff, let him.

As for your redundancy payout, I would protect it by NOT marrying him. My exh was entitled to part of mine when we divorced and I received it two years after he left!

RebootYourEngine · 08/03/2017 07:03

You are crazy. Crazy for even thinking of marrying him. He sounds abusive.

NameChange30 · 08/03/2017 07:07

"there's loads of reasons I would have for leaving him but a lot for making it work too. I don't want to have two children with two different dads for example"

What?
a. If you have "loads of reasons for leaving him", the reasons for staying don't matter. The good stuff doesn't make up for all the shit.
b. You already have two children with two different dads! (So what anyway?!)

You would be batshit crazy to marry this nasty man. LTB, obviously. Keep your redundancy money (and any other money and possessions that are YOURS) and make sure the bastard pays you child maintenance.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 08/03/2017 07:10

You know he is controlling. This is abuse. Nobody here will tell you otherwise. Leave him before he breaks you completely.

MrsDustyBusty · 08/03/2017 07:11

I expect you aren't ready to consider leaving today, but do consider putting off buying a house or getting married until you've had more time to come to terms with what you'd be getting into. Also, don't have more babies with him.

NameChange30 · 08/03/2017 07:11

Don't fall for the sunk costs fallacy

rightsofwomen · 08/03/2017 07:13

The fact you were not sure whether he had any right over your redundancy money indicates that he's getting under your skin and making you question what you know to he right. Think about it logically...why on earth would he be entitled to any of it?

He sounds horrible.

averylongtimeago · 08/03/2017 07:13

He sounds a real charmer. Thank goodness you are not married.

rollonthesummer · 08/03/2017 07:17

He sounds about 12!

Definitely don't use your redundancy money in a house deposit for the two of you.

I don't want to have two children with two different dads

But this is the case already now, isn't it?! Whether you leave him or not!

bloodyteenagers · 08/03/2017 07:24

I actually laughed at his idea of entitlement.
He's entitled to nothing. Not a single penny of your redundancy. It's all yours and there's nothing he can do about it, well apart from sulk. He's another fool who thinks that common law wife/husband is a thing.

Ask yourself - can you see yourself with him in 5 years then in 10 and then in 20. Can you imagine a future with him squabbling over his stuff. If you cannot do the inevitable sooner rather than later.

If you decide to stay with him. Don't marry him. I wouldn't buy a house with him. Imagine the arguments over the rooms and his right to have a man cave because it's his house.

winekeepsmesane · 08/03/2017 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PollyBanana · 08/03/2017 07:35

So if you split up, what's his plan for the child you have together?
An arm and a leg each? Head EOW?