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Original poster

Lost my best friend

101 replies

ajm2904 · 14/12/2016 07:40

Hey guys, I'm not sure where to put this but hoping someone can give me some advice.

Last year, in October I went on holiday with my best friend. At the time I didn't have the funds to pay for the holiday and she offered to put it on her credit card and I would pay her back after. Which was all fine at the time.

We went on holiday, had a really great time. Got back and I was really poorly. I was ill when we were on holiday but we put it down to the heat. (Irrelevant to the issue anyway)

Well a few weeks after we got back, I found out I was 14 weeks pregnant. Now this affected my massively as I wasn't wit the child's father, I was living in a 1 bedroom flat and would need to move.

I contacted my friend to obviously tell her I was pregnant and that I need to move and I couldn't afford to give her all the money at once. Now this is where th problem start.

She was contacting me demanding money off me which I really didn't have. I know I should of paid her back and I tried to offer a reasonable payment every money but she was demanding I pay half and half which was not possible for me.

She knew the situation and if I didn't find out I was pregnant she would of had the money back straight away. I wouldn't ruin my friendship with my best friend for nothing!

Anyway in the end she started threatening to take me to court for the money. But I'd offered to pay her back which she wasn't happy with.

I understand she just wants her money back and I would be the same but I thought as my best friend she might of been more understanding.

She eventually blocked my number and Facebook etc so I couldn't contact her.

Recently she has unblocked me and I really want to message her to sort something out. I miss my best friend and I hate that we have fallen out over money.

Should I message her or should I leave it?

I don't need comments about not borrowing money etc, I just need advice on if I should try to sort this with her or if I should leave it now over a year has passed.

Thanks for reading

OP posts:

Jinglebells99 · 14/12/2016 07:42

Have you paid her back?

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 14/12/2016 07:43

I'd leave it.

If she wants to contact you then she will.

Why did have to move??

Original poster

ajm2904 · 14/12/2016 07:43

No, she wouldn't accept the money I offered and then blocked me so I had no way of paying her back

OP posts:

GinIsIn · 14/12/2016 07:43

Firstly have you paid her the money yet?

Original poster

ajm2904 · 14/12/2016 07:44

I had to move as I was living in a 1 bed flat with a leaky roof and wasn't allowed children in there as per the tenancy

OP posts:

GinIsIn · 14/12/2016 07:44

You couldn't have dropped the cash round to her house?

hippoinamudhole · 14/12/2016 07:44

If you've offered to pay back monthly you'll have a year's worth of payments saved so why not offer her this and see if she'll take the rest monthly

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 14/12/2016 07:45

Contact and ask her for her bank details, pay her in full, see where it goes from there.

SVJAA · 14/12/2016 07:45

To be honest, much as I'm sorry for the tough time you've had, I can see her point. DP lost his best friend earlier this year because we loaned him and his wife £200. It got to the point that I offered to write the debt off just so they could be friends again, because he's been like a brother to DP for many years.
I think you need to bite the bullet, apologise and pay as much as you can now. Followed by the rest in a lump sum asap. If she put it on a credit card she will have been accruing interest, through no fault of her own.

Chocolatecake12 · 14/12/2016 07:46

Do you have the means to pay her back now?
If she put the holiday on her credit card she would be paying interest on that too.
I think it would be ok to contact her if you have some money for her but if you don't wait until you can pay her back before contacting her.

Original poster

ajm2904 · 14/12/2016 07:47

I understand that she would of had interest on the credit card that was discussed when I offered a money replacement.

To who said I would have a year of payment saved. I did start to save the payments, then went on maternity and my wage dropped. Had to wait for working tax to sort my claim and needed to pay my rent, now I have no savings.

OP posts:

Vanillamanilla1 · 14/12/2016 07:47

You still owe her the money
Have you saved ANYTHING to give her back ?
Her blocking you etc is still no excuse
Id go round there with every penny I owe her before trying to rebuild the relationship . Going round there empty handed won't make things better

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 14/12/2016 07:48

I agree, words will be meaningless now, actions speak far louder.

Repay the money and then apologise.

Original poster

ajm2904 · 14/12/2016 07:48

Chocolatecake12 I can pay her some now but not all.

I would be happy to pay the interest back on top of what I owe as I know I've put her in a terrible position

OP posts:

GinIsIn · 14/12/2016 07:49

So you've owed her the money for a year and still haven't anything at all to give her? I don't think that's a great basis to try and rekindle the friendship, I'm afraid. I know things have been tough for you but for all you know she could have really needed that money. Certainly don't try and get in touch now when you can't pay her back. How much money are we talking? Can you put a savings plan in place and get some of the money together?

lottieandmia · 14/12/2016 07:51

You should never, ever borrow money off friends. In fact never a borrower or a lender be. Unless your parents are the ones giving you the money TBH. This kind of thing happens all the time. If you couldn't afford the holiday you shouldn't have gone.

How much money do you owe her?

DelphiniumBlue · 14/12/2016 07:53

You don't have your best friend's address? How much did you borrow?
It doesn't sound as if you tried very hard to pay her. You decided that your future need was greater than current need. She lent you money for holiday and you shafted her. You don't even sound sorry, and haven't mentioned the consequences of your non payment on her.
Pay her back, all of it, and stop making excuses, then you can think about how to apologise .

ChickenPoop · 14/12/2016 07:55

I wouldn't contact her if you still don't have any money to offer! I'd be fuming.

Save at least 50% of the money and stick in through her front door. Then do the same with the remaining balance.

Original poster

ajm2904 · 14/12/2016 07:55

I owe £250.

I understand what you guys are saying I've had a year to start saving, but it's not always that easy.

I did have savings, however paying my rent became priority.

My daughters dad hasn't helped me at all, and I've had to do it all myself. I hardly bought anything brand new so that's not why I don't have any money.

And for people saying turn up at her house etc, she refused to take the money I offered, I didn't want to turn up at her house and cause more issues because I wasn't invited.

I have started saving again but I don't have a lot just yet. I go back to work soon so I'm hoping to be able to save more then.

OP posts:

GinIsIn · 14/12/2016 07:57

Why did she refuse to take the money though? Were you offering something daft like £20 with no plan as to when you'd pay the rest? Don't contact her if you can't pay her - I think that's adding insult to injury.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 14/12/2016 07:58

You've seen the money you saved to pay off your debt as spare money. It wasn't, it was your friends money. You should have treated it as if it was in your friends hand.

Go to CMS for maintenence from your child's father.

Pay your friend back and stop making excuses.

Original poster

ajm2904 · 14/12/2016 08:01

FenellaMaxwell - I offered to pay £50 a month. She refused because she wanted all of the money because that's what we originally agreed.

For all of you saying I don't sound sorry etc, I truly am. I couldn't apologise enough to her at the time. It was an unexpected situation and I know it's not fair on her that she's had to pay for it still hence the reason for this post.

I didn't want people slating me, I feel bad enough about the situation as it is.

Kinda regretting posting for advice now.

OP posts:

Original poster

ajm2904 · 14/12/2016 08:03

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe - isn't your name so true!!!

No it wasn't spare money, my rent took priority. A roof over my daughters head. That's not an excuse.

If you have nothing nice to say, please don't comment.

OP posts:

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 14/12/2016 08:04

What do you want us to say?

She'll still be annoyed and the only way to resolve this and try and restart the friendship is to pay the money back (although I'm not sure how interested she'll be)

Can you borrow the money from your parents and pay her back (with interest)?

GinIsIn · 14/12/2016 08:07

How long after borrowing the money did you offer to pay her the £50 a month?

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