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Original poster

Lost my best friend

101 replies

ajm2904 · 14/12/2016 07:40

Hey guys, I'm not sure where to put this but hoping someone can give me some advice.

Last year, in October I went on holiday with my best friend. At the time I didn't have the funds to pay for the holiday and she offered to put it on her credit card and I would pay her back after. Which was all fine at the time.

We went on holiday, had a really great time. Got back and I was really poorly. I was ill when we were on holiday but we put it down to the heat. (Irrelevant to the issue anyway)

Well a few weeks after we got back, I found out I was 14 weeks pregnant. Now this affected my massively as I wasn't wit the child's father, I was living in a 1 bedroom flat and would need to move.

I contacted my friend to obviously tell her I was pregnant and that I need to move and I couldn't afford to give her all the money at once. Now this is where th problem start.

She was contacting me demanding money off me which I really didn't have. I know I should of paid her back and I tried to offer a reasonable payment every money but she was demanding I pay half and half which was not possible for me.

She knew the situation and if I didn't find out I was pregnant she would of had the money back straight away. I wouldn't ruin my friendship with my best friend for nothing!

Anyway in the end she started threatening to take me to court for the money. But I'd offered to pay her back which she wasn't happy with.

I understand she just wants her money back and I would be the same but I thought as my best friend she might of been more understanding.

She eventually blocked my number and Facebook etc so I couldn't contact her.

Recently she has unblocked me and I really want to message her to sort something out. I miss my best friend and I hate that we have fallen out over money.

Should I message her or should I leave it?

I don't need comments about not borrowing money etc, I just need advice on if I should try to sort this with her or if I should leave it now over a year has passed.

Thanks for reading

OP posts:
SecretPeanut · 14/12/2016 12:07

You had 9 months to pay her back after you got back off holiday, before the baby was born.

SelfCleaningVagina · 14/12/2016 12:11

It sounds to me as though you feel your friend was completely unreasonable in not accepting your offer to pay her in revised instalments of 5 x £50, so you just decided that if she was going to be an awkward cow about it you'd pay her nothing at all.

Honestly, it doesn't matter how much you protest and bleat about your 'change of circumstances' it's really hard to see it as anything other than you being a piss taker with an enormous sense of entitlement.

Lewwat · 14/12/2016 12:15

So it's been 14 months since the holiday.
£250 ÷ 14 =£17.86

£17.86 a month. Roughly £4 a week.
Your a Pisstaker OP. I'm not surprised she doesn't want to be your friend!

Gazelda · 14/12/2016 12:26

OP, I think you know that what's done is done and all you can do now is pay her back as quickly as possible. Put £300 in an envelope through her door with an apology. Then it's up to her if she gets back in touch.
Get on to CAB to check whether you're entitled to Housing benefit or other benefits, and to get the ball rolling in chasing your ex for child support.
And I'm sure it doesn't need saying, but don't post any pics of you, your DD and piles of expensive Christmas gifts on social media!

LobsterQuadrille · 14/12/2016 12:33

I don't need comments about not borrowing money etc, I just need advice on if I should try to sort this with her or if I should leave it now over a year has passed

I'm afraid that I am in complete agreement with all/most PPs but did you really expect anyone to say oh, poor OP, how awful for you - yes, a year has passed and it would be better to leave it? Slightly staggering if so.

Lots of us have to move and have zero support when pregnant. It doesn't absolve us from basic human decency.

vegmum21 · 14/12/2016 12:37

I don't understand why your friend wouldn't take whatever money you offered initially when you told her you would have trouble repaying her, especially if you offered to pay the interest too. It's not as though you said you couldn't pay her at all.

lottieandmia · 14/12/2016 12:44

Even if someone says they won't accept the money - you could still give it. If you have her bank details you would also have proof.

SelfCleaningVagina · 14/12/2016 12:46

well by the sounds of things veg the friend refused to agree to her wanting to change the terms of the loan without good enough reason. And I don't blame her. It would have meant that she was unable to make further purchases on her own credit card due to an inflated balance, for one thing.

I get the impression that no hard cash was ever actually proffered by the OP, merely promised in £50 lumps at some vague later date. And that never materialised either.

SelfCleaningVagina · 14/12/2016 13:04

Having just read the OP again, this stands out:

Recently she has unblocked me and I really want to message her to sort something out. I miss my best friend and I hate that we have fallen out over money.

Should I message her or should I leave it?

Just listen to yourself. It's all 'me me me, boo-hoo I miss my friend, it's a shame we had to fall out over money.'

You sound as though you are far more interested in whether or not there might be a chance that she will take you back as a friend, than with the glaring fact that you still have paid her precisely nothing and have made no attempt to either.

Just unbelievable. Confused

It seems to you there are only two options here.

  1. Contact her and see if she's prepared to see your point of view and forgive and forget, in which case you will promise to pay her the money in instalments again, because you currently don't have it all.

  2. Or do nothing. Pay her nothing. Forget it

I suggest to you there is a third option, which is to work out how much this will have cost her in credit card interest, add it to the outstanding £250 and post it all in cash through her door with a letter of apology.

IF IF IF she is prepared to be your friend again after that then you are very lucky indeed but you have no right to ask it and I find the way you are approaching this whole thing just proves that you have no understanding of how self absorbed you've been over this.

oleoleoleole · 14/12/2016 13:10

If it were me I would contact her and say you want to pay her the money back at £X per month and will she give you her bank details. If she refuses or doesn't reply just put the money through her door with a note. Do the right thing.

vegmum21 · 14/12/2016 13:45

Well the OP did say she offered to pay her a reasonable amount every month (it says money in the post but I assume it meant month?)

If it was my best friend in similar situation I would let her pay me back in smaller amounts with the interest applied if she said she couldn't afford to pay me the original terms.

vegmum21 · 14/12/2016 13:46

Saying that though, if it was the other way around and my best friend blocked me etc I would still have done what I could to get the money to her even if it meant showing up at her house with the said amount every month.

Viviennemary · 14/12/2016 14:46

Sorry OP but you need a reality check. Fact one you owe your friend £250. Fact two you haven't paid it back. You're the one in the wrong. Stop the yeah but no but yeah but and get that money paid back. £250 is a lot of money. It could be a month's food shopping for some people.

NotAQueef · 14/12/2016 14:49

I don't understand why you finding out you were pregnant meant you couldn't pay her back as planned. You were only 14 weeks pregnant so didn't have to move immediately.

userformallyknownasuser1475360 · 14/12/2016 14:57

credit card Apr is usually about 29.9% per annum (not including fees so I would suggest that at least £355 needs to be given to the friend to cover what this loan has cost her - and I don't think that even covers it.

I think a card with the money a heartfelt apology and your contact details on it is about all you can do - and then hope your friend contacts you.

Boogers · 14/12/2016 16:38

This is a case for Judge Rinder! Xmas Smile

Chocolatecake12 · 14/12/2016 16:55

We have all fallen on hard times and finding £4 a week as a pp has suggested isn't easy - I've struggled too and you do have to prioritise your money.
There have been countless threads on here by people asking how they are going to manage until the end of the week with £1.80 left in their purse.
All replies to that are about making sure you have food etc, if you had posted that then replies would all say if your friend is a good one then she will understand.
However £250 plus interest is a lot of money and she does need that back and you have agreed.
Why wouldn't she accept a payment plan or what money you did offer her originally?

lottieandmia · 14/12/2016 16:58

The OP didn't say how much the interest is? Some credit cards are only 0% on spending. It's beside the point really - she should have paid her friend back ASAP. I too cannot see how being pregnant affected the situation.

lottieandmia · 14/12/2016 17:00

Falling on hard times is loosing your job or being unable to work because of illness. Not refusing to pay back £250 for a holiday which the OP didn't actually need in the first place.

lottieandmia · 14/12/2016 17:02

The OP makes reference to having savings. If that was the case then she ought to have been able to pay for the holiday in the first place TBH.

EvenTheWind · 14/12/2016 17:15

Op, agree with others, if you are back at work in Jan and have the money end of Jan plus interest then pay it all then. Through her door with a note. Don't reach out before this. Maybe a week later, send a brief FB message with another apology. Then ball is in her court.

Put the £100 you have aside now so that it is not spent. Do not use this for presents etc. When back at work, put £X aside a day or week so that you can definitely pay in full end Jan.

cozietoesie · 14/12/2016 17:23

Pay it back as fast as you are able to. It's the honourable thing to do and you'll feel better for it. The friendship will have to take care of itself afterwards. Maybe you'll both be able to rekindle the spark, maybe - and more likely - not. But paying back the debt clears the ground whatever happens.

jo10000 · 14/12/2016 17:46

I think your best friend is not much of a friend if she dropped you when you needed support, and all for £250. Pay her back and leave her to her own devices. What best friend wouldn't want to see your baby and help out?

LIZS · 14/12/2016 18:06

One who feels her "bf" used her for a freebie break , avoided her and is full of broken promises? Confused

userformallyknownasuser1475360 · 14/12/2016 18:54

choclatecake my internet/phone costs more than £4 a week, I use that to check mumsnet.....wonder how the OP checks hers?

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