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Original poster

Lost my best friend

101 replies

ajm2904 · 14/12/2016 07:40

Hey guys, I'm not sure where to put this but hoping someone can give me some advice.

Last year, in October I went on holiday with my best friend. At the time I didn't have the funds to pay for the holiday and she offered to put it on her credit card and I would pay her back after. Which was all fine at the time.

We went on holiday, had a really great time. Got back and I was really poorly. I was ill when we were on holiday but we put it down to the heat. (Irrelevant to the issue anyway)

Well a few weeks after we got back, I found out I was 14 weeks pregnant. Now this affected my massively as I wasn't wit the child's father, I was living in a 1 bedroom flat and would need to move.

I contacted my friend to obviously tell her I was pregnant and that I need to move and I couldn't afford to give her all the money at once. Now this is where th problem start.

She was contacting me demanding money off me which I really didn't have. I know I should of paid her back and I tried to offer a reasonable payment every money but she was demanding I pay half and half which was not possible for me.

She knew the situation and if I didn't find out I was pregnant she would of had the money back straight away. I wouldn't ruin my friendship with my best friend for nothing!

Anyway in the end she started threatening to take me to court for the money. But I'd offered to pay her back which she wasn't happy with.

I understand she just wants her money back and I would be the same but I thought as my best friend she might of been more understanding.

She eventually blocked my number and Facebook etc so I couldn't contact her.

Recently she has unblocked me and I really want to message her to sort something out. I miss my best friend and I hate that we have fallen out over money.

Should I message her or should I leave it?

I don't need comments about not borrowing money etc, I just need advice on if I should try to sort this with her or if I should leave it now over a year has passed.

Thanks for reading

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 14/12/2016 08:07

ajm - it's not your friends problem that your baby's father won't support you. I don't understand why people take loans from friends for something non essential like a holiday. If you couldn't afford it then, then you wouldn't be able to afford it now. It's just madness.

lottieandmia · 14/12/2016 08:09

'If you have nothing nice to say please don't comment'

Sometimes you need to be told the truth, even if you don't want to hear it. If not, maybe don't post on a public forum (shrugs)

Jinglebells99 · 14/12/2016 08:09

You need to pay her the £250 plus the interest which I assume will be high because of credit card and the fact it's been a year already. You have taken advantage of your friend. I can't believe you would think to contact her without handing over the money first. I'm not sure what you were expecting people to say? The advice is, pay her back, and that's upsetting you, why?!

Roussette · 14/12/2016 08:09

If there is any hope whatsoever of salvaging the friendship, you need to borrow the whole lot from somewhere else (like parents perhaps?) and go and see her with it all.

There is nothing worse than having an agreement with someone who then goes back on that agreement. I know it was you getting pregnant etc but you have broken your word.

I would love to hear her side of the story. Did you always respond to her asking? Did you go quiet and ignore her?

LIZS · 14/12/2016 08:10

You didn't have to move immediately. You had over 6 months before your dd arrived to sort it out, save and move. Are you working now, you should go through cms for maintenance from dd father. It is hardly surprising she has cut you off , you decided to go on a holiday you couldn't afford, at the time or even a year later.

7SunshineSeven7 · 14/12/2016 08:10

This is why my mother taught me not to spend anything I don't have. She told me ''Don't spend money that isn't in your account yet'' for example, don't assume you will have money to pay someone back for a holiday is how it would be applied in this situation.

You borrowed money from her, said you would pay her back but didn't. I'd be pissed off with you too tbf.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 14/12/2016 08:12

Confused nobody is going to be lovely and supportive about you screwing your friend over for £250 and coming up with multiple excuses as to why you haven't paid her.

Saying that you should have treated the money that you are due to your friend as if it were in her hand isn't unkind, it's true. If she had accepted it you would have had to find some other way to get the money for your rent anyways.

LavenderDoll · 14/12/2016 08:13

What replies did you expect.

You borrow money off a friend you don't keep to the repayment terms. You pay nothing and she is being charged interest. You have behaved badly.

Stop with the excuses and pay her her money. Just because it's a friend doesn't mean you can get away not paying back.

You quite fancy being friends again? If I was your friend id want my money and then I'd block you again

SaoirseLikeInertia · 14/12/2016 08:15

If you've been unable to save the money over the last year, would you have really given her 50 each month, without fail? Good intentions count for very little in a situation like this. I wouldn't contact her if you're not going to gave the money, in full, to hand over.

RebelandaStunner · 14/12/2016 08:18

You have had a lovely time at her expense and then decided not to pay her back and are using every excuse you can think of to try and justify it.

The holiday is long gone and it's a nuisance to pay for it now, which is why most people don't go into debt for a holiday.

You don't need to see her. You could just post a cheque. Terrible way to treat someone who's helped you.
Hopefully she has learned her lesson and won't lend money again.

Cloud10 · 14/12/2016 08:21

OP, I think people are being really mean to you! You're in a rubbish situation, you made a mistake and you're trying to sort it out. It was a shame your friend didn't accept your offer of £50 a month as it would be sorted now. Can you afford to pay £50 a month now? If so, I would probably contact her and tell her this, if she still says no, then just start saving it and in five months you'll have the full amount. In the meantime also contact citizen's advice for some support about how to get the baby's father to pay some child support - sounds like a scumbag and sorry you've been left alone with the baby, it must have been very hard. Money isn't everything, if your friend couldn't afford to lend it to you she shouldn't have, you were both a bit reckless but You obviously weren't expecting to be pregnant and got a bit of a surprise, which derailed your plans a bit. You rightly prioritised keeping a roof over your baby's head. She should understand that. As long as you have a plan to pay her back then you are dong the right thing.Good luck with everything!

Original poster
ajm2904 · 14/12/2016 08:21

No I didn't expect all lovely replies. I understand it's not her fault that I got pregnant or that my daughters dad doesn't give me any money for her. That's not the issue here.

I was very stupid to take her up on paying for the holiday. She asked me To go on holiday with her and I told her I couldn't afford to but we should go next year (obviously not knowing I was pregnant) she offered to pay and foolishly agreed.

I don't have anywhere I can borrow all the money from. I currently have £100 I can give her and I could replay the remainder in January as I'm going back to work so I have more disposable income.

If the shoe was on the other foot I would be fuming that I'm having to pay a debt for someone else ... I'm also not trying to make excuses. My situation changed.

OP posts:
bloodyteenagers · 14/12/2016 08:21

You didn't need to move into a 1 bed straight away. You could have stayed there for a year more at least. Your choices are not her problem.
If you owed me money, couldn't be arsed to pay for a year then send me a message out of the blue, still without the cash I would tell you where to go. You could have sent her the cash. You could have posted a cheque through her door.

Whocansay · 14/12/2016 08:23

You can't see that you made your problem your friend's problem. It is not her problem and you continue to shirk your responsibilities and make excuses. That is what she sees whether you like it or not. I wouldn't want to be friends with you either.

Why haven't you gone to the CSA to get money out of your child's father? He should be supporting his child.

MoreThanUs · 14/12/2016 08:23

Save up £300 as soon as possible. Don't spend any money on yourself unless absolutely necessary (basic food, no clothes etc). Pay your friend back by putting the cash in an envelope, with a card thanking her for the loan and apologising for the delay, and posting it through her letter box when you know she's in. Leave it 2 weeks then follow it up asking if you can meet up, that you miss her and want her back in your life. The rest is up to her. But you can't expect to rekindle the relationship when you haven't resolved the loan.

Original poster
ajm2904 · 14/12/2016 08:24

Cloud10 - thank you. I wasn't trying to make excuses and I didn't purposely not pay her back. I can afford £50 a month now. It was the first few months of moving etc which screwed me over.

OP posts:
Original poster
ajm2904 · 14/12/2016 08:25

MoreThanUs - I wasn't expecting to rekindle a relationship, I wanted to know if I should message to offer her money. I do miss her as we were friends for such a long time, but the priority is getting this money back to her.

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 14/12/2016 08:29

But if you have £100, why are you discussing it? Why not just give it to her?

You would presumably need to be able to pay the rent whether you had a baby on the way or not? I do think that nobody should ever underestimate people's capacity to find excuses not to pay money back. This is why the lending of money ruins friendships.

NiceFalafels · 14/12/2016 08:30

I would save the money and give it to her in one amount. Put it through her door with a note saying sorry it's taken you so long

Pigeonpost · 14/12/2016 08:35

I'm slightly confused. If you could afford to pay her £50 a month why didn't you do this in the period between discovering you were 14 weeks pregnant and then going on maternity leave which was presumably not until over 5 months later?

Goingtobeawesome · 14/12/2016 08:37

If you can afford to give her £50 a month, don't, save it for five months then give it to her in one go. Maybe even a sixth month along with flowers and chocolates and a card saying you're sorry.

HopefulHamster · 14/12/2016 08:42

You will never give her the money. You will always decide your need is greater than hers.

At 14 weeks there is no way you urgently needed that money, given that you had already agreed to paid for the holiday. The baby wasn't coming that week.

You decided your needs were greater than hers. What if she was relying on that payment to pay her bills?

Patienceisvirtuous · 14/12/2016 08:43

Excuse after excuse.

As others have said, there's one route out of this - pay her in full (cheque through her letterbox if she won't see you) and only then should you attempt to rekindle a friendship.

VimFuego101 · 14/12/2016 08:44

You need to pay her back before asking about whether you can salvage your friendship. It doesn't seem like you've made much effort to save the money up to be honest. Even a fiver a month would look better than not bothering.

schmack · 14/12/2016 08:44

get a £250 overdraft or loan and pay her back! no wonder she is pissed off, I would be, she did a nice thing and you abused that. You didn't have to move straight away.

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