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Original poster

A sort of moral dilemma... please tell me your opinons...

77 replies

HelpMeWithThisOne · 26/01/2007 13:11

Can you tell me what you think about this.. I badly need the Mumsnet Jury...

Back in 1993 my Grandad died. Out of his (small) estate, he left DS (the only child I had back then) ?250 which was put into a trust account with the Woolwich. The account was/is in my name but with his name on it. He can't touch the money until he is an adult. (I know it's not a fortune but it will have growing all these years.)

In 1992, the Woolwich became a PLC and everyone with an account at that time was entitled to claim shares within a three year period. The amount generated by this account was 450 shares. We did not receive a letter about these shares at the time (it would have gone to a previous address) so knew nothing about it.

Because they were not claimed within a 3 year period, these shares were sold at ?3.57 each, generating a sum of ?1,867.50. Today, out of the blue, I have received letter from a company employed by the Woolwich to trace the people who they owe money to, due to the sales of the shares.

So... my son's money remains in the Woolwich trust account, untouched and growing... and this money, legally, belongs to me because mine is the first name on the account. I just rang the helpline to find out what we have to do next and during the conversation I asked "So is this money, generated by the sale of the shares, technically mine or my sons?" He said it's legally mine.. but what I do with it when I get it is up to me.

DH and I have been discussing this. Financially, we don't have a pot to pee in, (no fault of our own/curcumstances due to disability etc) and this ?1700 odd (they take 10% as a service charge) would be more handy than I describe, especially as we have a house move coming up (also due to the disability issue) and a LOT of expense to handle. But I keep thinking this is my son's money.. (he is now 14).. even though his money, left to him by my grandad, is still safe and untouched.

I rang my mum (daughter of grandad in question) and she said "Gramps would want you to have it, especially in the circumstances" and I can see what she is saying, he would be pleased as punch to know that DS's little nest egg that he left him had produced THIS much larger, separate nest egg all these years later, and would probably want me (his only Grand daughter) to benefit.

But it still feels like DS's money. DH and I have thought maybe we would halve it.. put half away in DS's savings account.. and wisely spend the other half on some of the many things we need for our move..

What do you think?

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 26/01/2007 13:13

No dilemma. The money is yours.

Dont feel so guilty, there's no need.

Marina · 26/01/2007 13:13

The house move will benefit your ds too, won't it?
I can see why you are hesitating but I think on balance I would take this money and use it to help with your whole family's current financial situation.

Original poster

HelpMeWithThisOne · 26/01/2007 13:14

I have no idea why all the pound signs have come up as question marks!!! Tech?

OP posts:

Lynn3 · 26/01/2007 13:15

Ds will benefit if you spend the money the way you say. Keep it. Grandad would want you to be financially ok. It's not as if you are considering spending the money on a tummy tuck or a new handbag, is it? If grandad was here, he would say take it, if ds was old enough to understand, he would say take it. Take it.

littlemissbossy · 26/01/2007 13:16

The "windfall" as such is because of your Grandfathers initial investment - without it you or your DS wouldn't have this "bonus" payment.
TBH I'd have to ask myself if I really really needed the money, could you do without the extras? does your DS have another savings account? if the £250+ is all he has I'd add the extra too it if you can afford to HTH

charliecat · 26/01/2007 13:16

Ds's money is still there, if your going to feel guilt ridden forever then put somemore in with the original £250. Or buy him someting lovely.

Lynn3 · 26/01/2007 13:17

Also, if you feel that bad about it, when you are more financially secure yourselves, you can always add to ds's account then.

piglit · 26/01/2007 13:19

Use the money. You need it. And make a promise to yourself to "repay" ds as and when you can afford it.

Blu · 26/01/2007 13:19

Yur money. You chose to put it in the Woolwich, the move will benefit all the family, your Mum agrees...your Ds will never begrudge it...and legally it is yours.

And from now on, whenever you move house, send a change of adress letter to every agency you deal with or have an account with. Because (I hate to say it) I think you would have got a little more had you cashed them in / sold them at the time of issue!

vitomum · 26/01/2007 13:21

I think you should go with your mum's opinion here. she is the one who understands your situation and knew your grandad best

Original poster

HelpMeWithThisOne · 26/01/2007 13:22

Well DS is old to understand, he is 14.. I can explain all this to him. If we do use this money for our move, and all the things we need, I would definitely buy him something very lovely.. that's if we don't give him half... or all...

I can't add to the original account; because it's a Trust fund, the Woolwich keep the pass book until he is of age. He has another account which we pay small amounts into and he uses.. and yet another account, which his dad (xH) pays into regularly which will also be his money to spend as he wishes when he is older. (That's going to be quite a lot.. well over a grand)

Our financial situation is not going to change any time soon due to the health/disability issues.

OP posts:

Mumpbump · 26/01/2007 13:23

Contraversially, I would say it belongs to your son. The money was invested on his behalf so any profit is also generated for him. Splitting it 50/50 sounds like a fair compromise if you really need some cash right now, but if it were me, I'd try to make sure I paid it back at some point in the future.

CamomileTea · 26/01/2007 13:26

we spent a good deal of dd1's disability living allowance on a new house. We needed to do a lot of work to make it accessible, but it was also a nicer house for the whole family

we spend it when we have gone to London for special therapy - on accommodation, but also on nice trips out for everyone, treats, etc

Our family has a disabled person in it and because of that life is harder and sometimes more expensive. Should we put it all away for her for the future because she might need a nest egg? Well yes, we do with some of it - just as you will be doing with your grandpa's original spend.

But what would be the point of making everyone miserable now so that our kids get an extra grand in the bank?

let's face it he's only going to spend it on cars and girls when he's 18

Imafairy · 26/01/2007 13:26

I'm sorry, but I think the money belongs to your son too.
HOWEVER, if you need the money, and your DS understands, then I would put half into his account and keep the other half for the move. I would however try and pay the extra back into an account over the next few years.

CocoLoco · 26/01/2007 13:26

I think it's your money. And your DS will benefit from it as will your other children.

foxtrot · 26/01/2007 13:28

Technically, it is your money, morally i think it belongs to your son, as a windfall generated by HIS investment. But, if you are spending the money on something that will benefit him, that would be acceptable.

manitz · 26/01/2007 13:30

I would use it and have done so sometimes with my kids birthday presents - given to them by generous grandparent. That's much worse than your situation although I have tried to spend the money on things like presents for their friends birthdays or their shoes etc when dh was unemployed and i felt the kids would miss out. I wouldn't try and explain this to a fourteen year old who would struggle to understand the pressures on an adult (imo).

It seems like a nice idea to give him a bit of money which would seem like a lot to him ie. £50 which he could then decide how to spend or for a family holiday which you possibly otherwise can't afford.

mytwopenceworth · 26/01/2007 13:30

i have to say that i feel that it is his money, morally i mean.

i would sit down with him, explain it all and reach an agreement. to halve it, take it, borrow it, whatever. families stick together and help each other out in times of need, he could be helping out the family.

the important thing is that your son is happy and doesnt feel that he's lost anything. - you dont want a resentment on his part that might come out later on.

Original poster

HelpMeWithThisOne · 26/01/2007 13:32

There is not much chance of us being able to put any back into his account in the next few years. I do have hopes of improving our circumstances a lot in the future (not near future) and am taking steps (working on a degree) to make this happen. But it wouldn't be in the next few years, I know this.

DS is not a young child; I don't want him to feel cheated. Although he is very excited about the move and wants the house to be nice too (this one isn't..!) And this is money from nowhere...

Oh dear I feared the jury would be split on this.. just when I think it might be alright to use some of it/half of it, I am back to thinking we shouldn't 'take' any of it. Even though Gramps' original high interest investment is safe and untouched...

OP posts:

CamomileTea · 26/01/2007 13:33

this thing about 'his' and 'your' money

you've spent far more than £1,700 on him over the years.

Don't tell me I'm the only one who, when given a tenner 'for sweets' for the children, has put it in my purse because, quite frankly, my kids don't want for much and I provide everything they need

CamomileTea · 26/01/2007 13:36

sorry to butt in again - but as you said your mum has said that would be what your grandpa wanted and she knows him best.

years ago my mum found a few pounds in the bottom of an old purse of my grandma's when she was clearing out her things after she died

she stood in the utility room with the money in her hand, sadly thinking of the best thing she should do with it. Should she give it to a charity supporting elderly people? My gran had had a visitor from Age Concern... should she drop it in for my gran's old people's group to buy biscuits or cake in memory of her... or plant a flower in the garden...

then she said she heard my gran's voice in her head, clear as a bell: 'Shut up blethering and put it in your purse'

mytwopenceworth · 26/01/2007 13:38

but the difference there camomile is that as the parrent it is your duty and responsibility to spend money on the kids and provide, they have no such duty in return!

helpme - i hope all the opinions give you thought but its your situation and your familys choice, youve got to do what youve got to do! just bear in mind that teenagers can have attitude and is he the type to go all thats mine, or not - is one consideration. will you feel guilt, is another.

it is a tough one, isnt it. i really dont envy you. xx

bubblerock · 26/01/2007 13:40

I don't think it's a problem you keeping it, but if you are getting by okay at the moment then maybe you could put it into a savings account just incase you really need it in the future - it's great having a windfall and it's money you wouldn't have known about so you won't be losing anything. It's your choice anyway.

bubblerock · 26/01/2007 13:42

Oh sod it - just have a holiday

PrettyCandles · 26/01/2007 13:45

Not a shadow of a doubt, it is family money. I see it as a bit like what I tell my parents - I'd rather they spend my inheritance now on making sure they have all they need, than go without in order to ensure that I inherit some money.

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