A sort of moral dilemma... please tell me your opinons...

[HelpMeWithThisOne]

Can you tell me what you think about this.. I badly need the Mumsnet Jury...

Back in 1993 my Grandad died. Out of his (small) estate, he left DS (the only child I had back then) ?250 which was put into a trust account with the Woolwich. The account was/is in my name but with his name on it. He can't touch the money until he is an adult. (I know it's not a fortune but it will have growing all these years.)

In 1992, the Woolwich became a PLC and everyone with an account at that time was entitled to claim shares within a three year period. The amount generated by this account was 450 shares. We did not receive a letter about these shares at the time (it would have gone to a previous address) so knew nothing about it.

Because they were not claimed within a 3 year period, these shares were sold at ?3.57 each, generating a sum of ?1,867.50. Today, out of the blue, I have received letter from a company employed by the Woolwich to trace the people who they owe money to, due to the sales of the shares.

So... my son's money remains in the Woolwich trust account, untouched and growing... and this money, legally, belongs to me because mine is the first name on the account. I just rang the helpline to find out what we have to do next and during the conversation I asked "So is this money, generated by the sale of the shares, technically mine or my sons?" He said it's legally mine.. but what I do with it when I get it is up to me.

DH and I have been discussing this. Financially, we don't have a pot to pee in, (no fault of our own/curcumstances due to disability etc) and this ?1700 odd (they take 10% as a service charge) would be more handy than I describe, especially as we have a house move coming up (also due to the disability issue) and a LOT of expense to handle. But I keep thinking this is my son's money.. (he is now 14).. even though his money, left to him by my grandad, is still safe and untouched.

I rang my mum (daughter of grandad in question) and she said "Gramps would want you to have it, especially in the circumstances" and I can see what she is saying, he would be pleased as punch to know that DS's little nest egg that he left him had produced THIS much larger, separate nest egg all these years later, and would probably want me (his only Grand daughter) to benefit.

But it still feels like DS's money. DH and I have thought maybe we would halve it.. put half away in DS's savings account.. and wisely spend the other half on some of the many things we need for our move..

What do you think?

I think that most of us, if and when we have money, like to be able to prioritise adding to our children's savings.

If you had money sloshing around in your accounts and didn't have pressing needs on what little moeny you do have, you would be able to say 'put it in DS's account'.

You don't have that luxury. Your situation is pressured, and through reasons not of your making. Do what is best for your family (i.e moving, keeping out of debt as much as poss) and be proud, not guilty.

Then, when you are more flush (when will that be, say the bells of Stepney...) you will be able to prioritise DS's nest egg again.

What about if we give him £500 and use £1200 on the move? (There are lots of things we could spend this money on.. a holiday for starters... paying off a few bills.. we don't have much in the way of debt but we DO owe some money on catalgues.. which tends to happen when you don't have much in the way of ready cash, we could pay those off.. but we wouldn't.. we would use it for the move.. for furniture for his new bedroom (first time he hasn't to share with DS2 and this only because of DS2's disability).. for carpets, curtains etc...

Or maybe just £250, which would double Gramps' original investment? But that seems a bit tight, esp. as some might say (and have! ) that this is DS's money alone...

I wish I could just ask Gramps!!

I'd take it if you need it tbh. If it's going to benefit the family as a whole then I can't see that you have the luxury of giving it to your DS - legally it's yours, morally, well your mum has confirmed that your Grandad would want you to use it.

I often have to 'borrow' birthday/christmas money from the DCs (on the basis that eating is more important than toys!) I pay it back in kind - so when finances are better I take them out, or buy them a game or DVD they want.

me again.... If you ask ds, he may say that if the money was given to him, he might choose to spend it on furnishing his new room!

Well it would look flipping posh then having £1700 spent on it! It would be like that luxury apartment in a run down block of flats in the film Coming To America...

I think we're going to give him £500.. with the option to spend up to £200 (but no more) on things he may want now.. and save the rest..

..does this sound fair????

if you hadn't of recieved the letter you would not of even known that the money had grown into such a big amount, so it would still remain un-touched and forgotten about. I think tbh it should all go to your son like it was intended for.

I know you are not in a good situation with money at the moment but you would of found a way to cope before you knew about this money.

i suppose other questions to ask yourself are

do you NEED the money or do you WANT the money? how would you have got the things you are thinking about getting if there had never been this money? what would have happened in that case? are you looking at the money and thinking ooooooohhhh - like looking in the window of the cake shop, or are you looking at the money and thinking thank GOD, we can buy some food and coal!

or maybe you could see this as a family windfall and all get together and come up with suggestions.

lovie, you asked for opinions and thats what people gave you. but thats all they are, other peoples opinions. you sould like you are trying to get permission. you dont need it. i suppose if i were to guess, id say you really want/need that money but feel guilty and you're trying to get approval/permission, so you can feel a bit easier? you dont need it. whatever you decide it should be because you feel it is the best thing to do. for YOU to do, not because other people said yeah, its ok.

xx

Panda, no it wasn't anything to do with money intended for my son (I would not touch it if it was! ).. it is the result of free shares given to Woolich account holders and then sold off. His money is still there and untouched and will remain so.

oh sorry read it wrong . well in that case then its family money. Aslong as he still gets his £250 then i dont see a problem. Could you try and work out what sort of interest he would of got on the £250 since hes had it and add that to it, seems fair to me.

If maybe you spent some on new furniture for his new bedroom then perhaps you wouldn't feel like you have a dilemma, its still being spent of him then.

My2PW, there are things that we really do need (ie a new three piece suite; ours is falling apart) that we would have done without.. or got a second hand one.. (we usually have second hand most things!).. but now we could have a new one that we saw in a sale.. but re: need.. you don't die without a 3 piece suite do you, even if your own is falling apart.. or you don't have one at all.

And we DO need flooring (laminate or similar) for the ground floor of the new house. We have been told this may be funded because it is so DS2 can get around with his mobility aids.. but we don't KNOW it will be funded.. can't get an answer yet...

Both boys need a bed bought for them.. (currently in old rickety bunks that can't be separated when they get their own rooms in new house) and then there are all the usual things like carpets, curtains, decorating etc. Are they needs or wants?? My brain hurts.. I can't even decide!

We are getting a budgeting loan from the JobCentre plus (we may as well accept it even with any of this windfall) as there are definitely some needs.. and we never buy the "best" of anything.. I wouldn't know how! (Expept for the laminate flooring.. have been told you can't buy the cheapest of that if it's going to be tough enough to handle wheelchairs/walkers etc.)

When I was a child my grandparents would regularly give my Mum ten shillings and say 'buy the children a premium bond'. When i was an older teenager, I asked Mum if we could have our premium bonds transferred into our own names, and if we had won any money etc.

She clearly had no idea what I was on about, and then said 'oh yes, I used to spend all that on the co-op bill'.
And I could see that she would have done, and thought no more about it. It wasn't as if she was spendin it on fripperies - I could see that, too. A family need is a family need. End of story.

This money has come as a result of the initial investment for your son. In my opinion, the money is his and should be put away for him (to access only when he is of age).
As others have said, if this money hadn't appeared, then how were you going to finance your move and so on? I mean, I think you should see this money as having appeared and disappeared. Put it away for your ds and forget about it existing.
I know that when I've been given the odd pound/£5 pound note for the children, I may have put it in my purse. I do try and keep a tally and do put money away each month for them too.
But this isn't the odd pound/note - this is a lump sum of money that could really help your ds when he is of age. Things like a month's rent. University fees. Something like that.
Sorry

But any money put away now for dc's might help pay for college/university/property in the future. I agree I don't know what it's like to be really sking, but I'd still split it if at all possible, rather than taking it all.

I should add though that I wouldn't judge anyone who sees money as family money. Horses for course and all that.
And Sobernow is right in that you know your financial circs, you know your son and of course you're not off out to buy scratchcards with the cash - you're doing it for your family.

That's true Sobernow - maybe if you did a 50/50 split with both your ds's sharing the children's 50 percent.

Pooka, see below as to how we would manage. We are in a situation where we and the kids have had to "make do" to a long time. We have been doing our best to muster up something in the way of funds to buy some of the things we will need for the new house. Nothing is going to change for us any time soon, maybe not even in the next decade.

Don't apologise for your opinion.. I asked for it.. I see what you are saying entirely. But.. this money is not any part of the original investment. And it would make so much of a difference considering how we normally 'make do' and/or go without.

We have 3 children by the way.

(And there is no way we are taking it ALL whatever we do). Still thinking about giving him £500.. I know I don't need permission from you guys.. but from what you now know of our situation, does this seem fair? Would you do this?

sorry for this but:

spend the bloody money and don't feel guilty at all .

Actually reading through I've realised ds2 hasn't got any away, i'd maybe put 250 away for him so they're evens. Let your son choose his and his brother's bed.