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Original poster

How to find a way through this mess

22 replies

JustSingingInTheRain · 11/07/2016 16:32

Can anyone help me find my way out of this mess! DH has debt; he won't tell me how much or show me any bank statements, but I reckon it must be about £40k. We have a joint mortgage and a joint account for bills and family stuff, but our salaries are paid into our own accounts. His debt is unsecured, and includes a bank overdraft and credit cards. He has been unable to pay them anything for a while now (no idea how long. Again, he won't tell me). The bank have stopped charging fees/interest, but the CCs are still chasing him.

What does this mean (financially) for me? Will it impact my credit rating if I have a credit check for anything? What are the CC companies and banks likely to do? Are we likely to get bailiffs banging on the door? He says not, as it's not secured debt. I want to financially disassociate from him, how can I do this? I've been able to cover the mortgage and bills for ages now, but won't be able to for much longer.

What do I need to do to get myself out of this mess? What happens to debts if we divorce? I feel totally trapped.

OP posts:
Tiggeryoubastard · 11/07/2016 16:37

It will not impact your credit rating if your mortgage and anything else you may have in joint names is being paid. However he's very very wrong. Of course you could have bailiffs at the door, unsecured is irrelevant if it goes to court, which they probably will if he's not paying. He could also be made bankrupt which could mean you having to sell the house. Your half of the equity would be safe.

Imnotaslimjim · 11/07/2016 16:39

Yes, you will eventually get bailiffs knocking but it will have to go to court for non payment first

I don't know much about disassociation, hopefully someone more knowledgeable will come and help. Will you cite the debt as a reason to divorce? If he won't tell you, you can't help him, its as simple as that really.

Tiggeryoubastard · 11/07/2016 16:39

You cannot financially dissociate from him if you have any joint finances, eg mortgage.

Original poster
JustSingingInTheRain · 11/07/2016 16:53

I'm going to have to divorce him aren't I Sad But what happens to his debt, I know I'm not directly liable but won't i end up having to give up some of my share of assets anyway so that he has enough to live on? He has no assets, other than the house, for which I paid the deposit.

Is there anyway of knowing/finding out if he gets a court summons? I guess the only thing I can do is insist he open's his post in front of me.

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 11/07/2016 21:04

Oh god what a nightmare OP. In answer to your question, no, there's no way of knowing unless he tells you.

Surely with this amount of deceit the relationship is over? You have to do all you can to protect yourself. Flowers

Original poster
JustSingingInTheRain · 11/07/2016 22:39

You say it's a nightmare... It hasn't sunk in for me, it doesn't feel real. I can't quite believe he's let it get to this stage. We are still going about our everyday life with me repeatedly saying we need to spend less on xyz, but it is all going to hit the fan by the end of the summer, I can see it coming but I feel like a rabbit in the head lights. I'm really frightened we, I, am going to lose everything. So is he, I know he is, hence not wanting to tell me.

He's hoping to get some more money coming by the Autumn, but I want a plan from him for how he's going to repay his debt and how much longer we have to survive as a family on next to nothing (whilst keeping up the appearance of being fine Hmm).

OP posts:
Original poster
JustSingingInTheRain · 11/07/2016 22:41

I've just noticed your user name, UnexpectedItem - it's cheered me up and made me chuckle!

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 11/07/2016 23:14

I'm pleased I've raised a smile BlushSmile

It sounds like he's still massively in denial.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 11/07/2016 23:39

How are your finances organised? I would start separating them out as much as possible. If you work I would make sure he has zero access to your money. I'd also make sure he doesn't try to forge your signature on anything like equity release on the house.

19lottie82 · 12/07/2016 01:09

tigger, unfortunately it WILL affect the OPs credit rating, as she has joint accounts with her husband. It doesn't matter that the joint accounts have been well maintained, her credit rating will still suffer, as she is financially associated with someone who is a proven credit risk.

Original poster
JustSingingInTheRain · 12/07/2016 05:22

Our finances are totally separate other than the joint account for bills, which we both (in theory) put in an amount each month. Which I guess is why he doesn't feel he needs to share his financial info. I don't think he'd sink as low as fraud but I'm keeping an eye on my credit report. He has up until this point refused to use the joint account for any of his things eg his clothes, anything related to his children etc despite me asking him to use the joint account so that we can budget more effectively. His debt stems from a long period of no income while he set up a business.

Lottie, that's what I was afraid of, although my credit rating is showing as excellent at the moment, so I am slightly confused.

OP posts:
Tiggeryoubastard · 12/07/2016 07:41

Yes, if there's joint accounts in arrears it will. I did say if they had any joint products it will.

Tiggeryoubastard · 12/07/2016 07:42

^ sorry - I did say if they had any joint products in arrears.

Original poster
JustSingingInTheRain · 12/07/2016 09:13

We have no arrears on the joint account or mortgage.

OP posts:
Tiggeryoubastard · 12/07/2016 09:19

Then your credit rating won't be affected.

Original poster
JustSingingInTheRain · 12/07/2016 09:36

That's good to know, thank you

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 12/07/2016 11:52

It might be affected because you are financially associated by the joint account and joint mortgage.

Banks know that if one partner gets into trouble, they might look for the other partner to start borrowing money to keep up the supply of borrowed money that they have come to depend on for whatever reason.

He needs proper advice to see if he can turn it around or if it's time to call it a day on the business. Is he bringing in an income now? He should post on the get out of debt section of moneysavingexpert or call business debtline for tailored advice.

19lottie82 · 14/07/2016 21:42

Tigger the OPs credit rating WILL be impacted. They have a joint mortgage and bank account.

Tiggeryoubastard · 14/07/2016 22:09

But they're not in arrears so it will not show on her credit rating as a negative.

CarrieLouise25 · 14/07/2016 22:17

I don't want to be devious here, but I think you can find out his debts and credit score via clearscore.com

Reason being, I did mine, then I asked DH if he wanted his done, and he said yes, so I did. It's only basic details they need.

Both DH and I though a bit Shock at how easy.

But it might show you the info you need. And you deserve to know as it affects you.

19lottie82 · 15/07/2016 16:22

Tigger yes, it will.

Having such a large amount of debt it detrimental to your credit rating, wether you're in arrears or not. This will have a knock on effect on to the OPs credit rating as they are financially associated.

Tiggeryoubastard · 15/07/2016 16:31

Not necessarily. Not all companies check who you're ads ousted with, and that would usually be for large loans or mortgages. And then not always. As the OP doesn't seem to be about to take on either then it's a safe bet she won't be affected by this tiny possibility.

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