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Original poster

My boyfriends rents a flat and he wants me to pay higher percentage of a rent than he does

63 replies

wiktoriat · 23/09/2015 16:02

I and my partner have been discussing moving in together. He does not own the place and a tenancy agreement is on his name at present.This a 2 bed flat and he currently rents one bedroom to a guy.

We have been thinking of moving in together from December and a new tenancy agreement on our joint names is waiting for us to sign. I was under impression that we would split the rent and bills 50/50 until he recently told me that he wants me to pay the same money as his current flatmate pays him. I got very upset as I would end up paying £130 per month more than him for the flat.

He said to me that he has been living in this flat for many years and that he was the one that has found the flat and in his mind the flat is his. The rent is lower than the market rent and that if I would be paying him the same as his current flatmate I would still be paying less than I paying at the moment where I live, which it true. If I were to pay the same what his flatmate does I would end up paying £30 less per month to what I pay currently.

However, it does really hurt me that he does not want to split everything 50/50 as I feel he wants to make a money on me.

Please help. What should I do?

OP posts:

Zampa · 23/09/2015 16:04

I think you should move to an entirely new to the both of you flat/house.

It will spare you this argument as well as any future issues that may arise from you moving into "his" place.

LittleRedSparkle · 23/09/2015 16:06

Why wouldnt you share 50/50

i think its an early warning sign, what would happen if you had DC and you went on mat leave, would you still have to pay full rent/contribution??

Keeptrudging · 23/09/2015 16:09

Seems a bit mean/grasping of him. I would take it as a warning sign - is he going to quibble over who uses the most milk, or about heating, or ask you to pay more electricity because you take longer showers etc? You moving in shouldn't be about him continuing to profit from 'renting' to you. I would not want to move in with him, in my experience mean with money = mean with emotions.

IvyWall · 23/09/2015 16:11

I'm appalled. You are a partner not a lodger. Agree that he sounds mean, which is not a good trait in a life partner

lornathewizzard · 23/09/2015 16:11

I think him asking you to pay more is ridiculous. Not even sure why flatmate agreed!

Finallyonboard · 23/09/2015 16:11

Red flag! I'd be ending a relationship for this. If he's like this now, how will he be later if you have children/ lose your job. Move on and find someone who will cherish you.

gamerchick · 23/09/2015 16:12

Tell him the deals off until you find somewhere new for both of you.

Personally I would leave it at the deals off. What will happen if you have kids?

IvyWall · 23/09/2015 16:13

Do you earn a lot more than him? How are you planning to share money?

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 23/09/2015 16:13

do not move in, until you have a full life conversation about money.
as someone said maternity leave? sahm? illness?

do you earn a lot more than him currently? so would still be better off at the end of the month than him?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 23/09/2015 16:15

I agree with you. He shoukdn't make money out of his partner, i
rent should be an equal split at your stage of the relationship I.e. moving in together.

Original poster

wiktoriat · 23/09/2015 16:15

Thank you Zampa.

I know that moving in to a new place for both of us would be ideal. But he does not want to move out to a new place as everything is much more expensive to what he pays now. And as you have indicated, I have double thoughts whether I should move in at all after he told me that this is "his" please, which if he would continue thinking like that, it would be very hurtful as I would like to look at it as "our" home and put my heart into it. Especially after discussing with my partner having a family. I really do not like this situation and it makes me sick :(

OP posts:

Hissy · 23/09/2015 16:16

I wouldn't be fucking someone who's making a profit off me... That's just wrong.

Go and rent somewhere on your own, let him get a new lodger.

Long term plan, he's dead in the water..

tribpot · 23/09/2015 16:16

Is he legally subletting the other room? Does the other tenant's rent cover bills or something as well? (I can't imagine why the other tenant is paying more than your DP, who is also only a tenant - he may think it's his but if the landlord decides to evict him or sell he will rapidly discover it isn't).

I definitely don't think this is a good sign. If you earnt significantly more than he did it would make sense for you to pay a higher proportion of the bills but this seems to be purely about him not being out of pocket over what he perceives to be 'his' flat.

You really, really don't want to move into this flat with him. I think Zampa is right, you should find somewhere new together. This sense of (misplaced) ownership is not a good sign.

The power dynamic with the other tenant already seems weird, presumably he doesn't get any say over the communal areas of the flat if he's only renting a room? (Despite paying what appears to be more than half the rent). You need to be very clear - living with someone in a relationship is not the same as two tenants in a shared property. If that is not his expectation, you should continue to live separately.

Hissy · 23/09/2015 16:17

DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH THIS BLOKE!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 23/09/2015 16:17

Also in his mind the flat is his this would worry me.

Maybe you should look to rent a neutral flat together.

beaucoupdemojo · 23/09/2015 16:18

Dump his sorry arse - you are supposed to be his partner not his cash cow flat mate!

Agree that a man who is this tight is not a good bet further on if you have dc/get sick and cannot work.

Also, it is hardly going to feel like home when he says it's his flat. And you get the privilege of paying more rent than him to listen to that shitty attitude.

Original poster

wiktoriat · 23/09/2015 16:21

I do not earn more than him. He earns slightly more. But he argues that he has more expenses as he has a child from his previous relationship that he supports.

Of course I am concerned what would happen if I would get pregnant, have kids or loose my job. This situation at present really frightens me as I did not expect that from him :(

OP posts:

Scobberlotcher · 23/09/2015 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tribpot · 23/09/2015 16:24

Well thank fuck he's shown his true colours before you moved in with him (or, god forbid, got pregnant). Regardless of who pays more rent he expects you to move into his flat and do things his way. Nope. Avoid.

Scobberlotcher · 23/09/2015 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

wiktoriat · 23/09/2015 16:26

Well, thanks for all your comments. It did help me to get my head clear as I was very confused. Still emotionally drained but most of you confirmed what I was thinking.

I think I will stay at my own place that I rent with my friend and which feels like home!

OP posts:

cosmicglittergirl · 23/09/2015 16:28

The fact that he pays for a child is irrelevant; you are not there to subsidise that. Moving in together should be an exciting time, don't do it.

tribpot · 23/09/2015 16:28

That's step one, but if you are wanting to settle down and start a family, at some point you do need to consider if he is the right person for you.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 23/09/2015 16:29

why did his last relationship split up?
i am guessing it was money

StormyBlue · 23/09/2015 16:29

I do not earn more than him. He earns slightly more. But he argues that he has more expenses as he has a child from his previous relationship that he supports.

You earning more would have been the only justification. IMO if one party earns more than another then it's fair for the amounts you pay to be proprotional, because otherwise you end up with one party having a lot more disposable income than the other which causes resentment.

His child is his responsibility to pay for, not yours by effectively subbing his rent.

Please do not enter into this agreement! And possibly LTB, he sounds really inconsiderate towards you.

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