Debt mutual support thread number 7 ....... Spring is coming - let the sun shine into your finances and your life

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last six threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2258202-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-6-start-the-new-year-with-a-clear-purpose-and-keep-moving-forwards-even-by-tiny-steps?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

I am in a union thankfully and will contact them tomorrow. I can't even imagine myself started no again in another full time post now - I just feel too low about myself.

I will think about occupational health but every fibre I have is telling me to make a quiet exit! What would they do?

They meet you on your own terms and talk about what needs to be in place in order for you to do your job without the stress - ultimately, what you are doing by asking for them is showing your school that you know they have a duty of care to you. It documents things. If you are bullied in the workplace it leaves them wide open to be taken to tribunal later. I'm not saying you need to do this, just that you start to exercise your rights. Definitely get union support and give ACAS a ring too and have a chat with them about it as they give good advice. www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1461

I know how you feel in terms of no confidence - neither did I. That's how they get you. As you've said yourself, you get great results, you are good and you will get a job. Just start applying for some. I felt the lowest of the low but I took a chance and a few months into my new post I remembered how good I am and my results were fab last year. The school value me - I know I am respected and that makes going to work a lot better. Not easier though because teaching will never be that .

Ursula, if your unwell stay home. The hm seems like a right tit.
Occi health will go through options etc as will union. There seems to be bullying that's is forcing you to finishing - a case for constructive dismissal simmering here, don't you think.

Hey All,

Feeling a little more upbeat today. I've had a very quiet day thinking things through, sent my CV off to the local college etc. Also done quite a lot of admin and tidied the house.

Even though I've been feeling dizzy and anxious it has been so nice dropping DS off at school, doing the tidying at a normal person's pace. I think I'm in denial about going back on Monday but I will get through it somehow. We will not lose our home or starve. I feel a bit better knowing that he doesn't have the power to destroy me in that way.

We will not lose our home or starve. I feel a bit better knowing that he doesn't have the power to destroy me in that way.
Absolutely.
You are also in a very different place than you were before you got your debt under control.
That mindset change will stay with you.

Slow thread! I am saying hello and hanging head in shame as this month has not been a good month... It's the first time in years that I will go overdrawn and all of my accounts are empty (I've been putting bits aside in various envelopes). There are a number of reasons, but, ultimately, I have been too spendy.

Pay day Thursday and will be starting again. Sigh.

Hi everyone well it's post- payday blues here delighted I paid off the credit card but after a little too muh spending (mainly sports related for the kids) back to nothing after a few days & worried about how to pay for groceries etc. So fed up with it ! We really do live very frugally but I feel guilty spending on anything other than debts to be honest ! We definitely underspend on groceries & way healthy but I frequently have to tell the kids (in response to questions ) no there are no x y z you can have an apple etc.

Anyway I'm wondering how to prioritise budget we're squeezed paying debts if I increase by another 100 per month we can pay the next loan off a bit sooner but will have no extra cushion every month. I'm wondering should I allocate more to groceries so we can have actual choice instead of always meal planning ! Also can't seem to hold onto any cash not locked away in notice deposit. I have zero will power it always goes on stuff we "need". I think sometimes a certain level of frugality creates a bubble of want (eg clothes, house maintenance etc) so it's very hard to save for emergencies.

Snowie, if you Google for "Common financial statement", you should find a form that you can download which allows you to budget for the month. Of things are so tight that you're struggling to pay groceries, you should contact your creditors with a copy of that form.

The important thing to remember is that expenditure must be prioritised into priority and non-priority. Broadly speaking, priority would be rent/mortgage, secured loans, food, council tax, utilities, CSA payments and court fines (where applicable, natch). Non priority is other loans, credit cards, etc. You should make sure that your priority expenditure is covered before you even start on the rest of it. You can also factor in a discretionary amount, say £50-100, unforeseen circumstances.

Creditors should understand this. If you were to send a copy of your financial statement confirming that you can only pay a quid a month, they should be accepting it. They're all under a new regulator at the moment, so they're ultra careful about treating people fairly. As has also been mentioned Citizens Advice offer pretty good advice if you're in a pickle, or you could try a debt management charity like Step Change.

Hi Snowie,
You know my budget spreadsheet .... have a look at the categories. It might help.
Kids sports stuff. Did they need it (esp this near the end of term) or was it bought with emotions.
I know that seems harsh but I'm making DS last his trainers and blazer till the end of term so I can hold the spending over to the next tax year mean mummy

Kinky
Don't know if it will help but I get a lot of the weight loss people to do mood diaries
they are writing down the moods that make them want to eat
for you it might help to write down the moods that drive you to your card wallet
and see if you can find another way to get past that moment
as you know deep inside that spending the money does NOT make you feel better

Thanks mynameis but I'm not in UK don't have same options. Am working my way through (painful) self managed debt plan. I'm wondering am I under spending on groceries. I have a budgeted amount of approx e171 (£110?) per week to cover food clothes & petrol, family of 4, one cat. Also meant to cover all unforeseen expenses & extras eg doctor. Think it might be too little !

The important thing to remember is to prioritise. Without knowing where you are in the world, it's difficult to know what you "should" be spending, but wherever you are, the bills that I outlined above should be paid before the likes of credit cards. In the UK, the British Banking Association issue what are called "trigger figures" which confirm how much they would consider "reasonable" expenditure. These sub-divide what you've outlined above, but €171 still sounds on the light side for a family of four, to me, for everything. I'll have a look at work today - unsurprisingly, this is my day job - and obviously the cost of living varies from country to country, but my instance says that's not enough for that many people.

Good luck, sure it will work itself out :-)

E171 for 4 including cat food, tins, fresh food, fuel and toiletries sounds light no matter where in Yerp you are.
Have you got your till receipts - could you be really pedantic and tally up what you are spending on each of the categories

• dairy
• fruit and veg
• meat
• bakery
• dry goods
• toiletries
• cat stuff
• soft drinks
• booze
• impulse buys

are you using cash to shop (I know unavoidable at markets) - in which case write the amounts down as you go round so that you know exactly what has gone on what

same with the overeaters - knowledge of the present is the key to the future

Tip tbh we spend about e50 for a weekly shop that includes school lunches (sambos, fruit), enough for meal planned dinners, milk, bread, staples etc. usually run out after a week so shop again same thing hence never any extras. Don't drink that much max 1 bottle of wine per week, DH 4 x beers so not expensive. Never go out ! There's just always something to be paid ! Plus I admit I wait until payday & buy stuff eg kids now need new trainers have lasted about 5 months in Nikes (bought in sales & definitely best choice for lasting ) so that's e60 I need to fork out. We don't have a clothes budget is the problem. Any suggestions there i would gratefully listen to as I have to buy only when in need. (Hence no choice for work etc & DH has nothing decent !)

Charity shops are cool for clothes, as is ebay, as is TK Maxx

The trick with charity shops is to look for brands - my 16 year old has become rather clever at it!
Work clothes especially good 2nd hand - I wear Jaeger and Karen Millen and Next and the like, never paying more than £5 an item - and being top quality they last years

socks and pants - buy in bulk, none of that fashion stuff as kids out grow them

when I lost weight I had to replace my whole wardrobe and was broke at the time so got very canny at cheap shopping

Hi everyone!
I was on thread 6 for a while, then lost myself to OU essays, but now back with a renewed determination to clear my debts!

knowledge of the present is the key to the future so true Talkin. My recent overspends have been easy to identify - crisis over the house yet again, a grand gesture for family (generosity is definitely one of my fatal flaws when it comes to spends. I rarely spend on myself but love to treat others.) and a low income month due to DH having 3 sick days deducted. Still kicking ourselves that he took a job with no sick entitlement.

Snowie it is amazing how frequently clothes spending comes around. I have a budget for it now. Or I did have until last month...

Waves to favourite and everyone else.

Thanks girls I'm actually very thrifty with clothes shopping & frequently visit charity shops esp Oxfam in city centre for best quality ! I'm beginning to realise we're doing everything we can I think I need to practise acceptance more :) also need to prioritise grocery shopping as its too depressing when the fridge is half empty. I'm getting there!

Pay day dance .

Hello everyone! Just had a catch up, been rather preoccupied the last couple of weeks.

So, DH started his new job on Monday, although he's not on payroll until 6th April. Sat down Tuesday lunchtime to hear the awful news about the plane crash in France.....had a mega panic given that DH was on a plane to Germany at that time, so when they said it was bound from Spain I had a little weep of relief. One thing we didn't cancel while he was unemployed was our life insurance and I'm very glad of it, so one thing I know we need to do is get shot of the debt and firm up some long term plans, just in case.

I got paid on Monday and had six fri pm payments so a nice bit extra in there too. From April I'll get my increment point then from June I'll get more again as they've fiddled with the support pay scales and it means I'll go up a bit which is about £1k more a year on top. Very helpful!

I think I've mismanaged one month since Xmas somehow as I currently have £2.5k stashed for April, plus the cb, tax credits and wtc are still due, so somewhere I've made us last a month on much less money than I should have done! Trouble is I rely on lots of payments through the month instead of just one wage payment, but I guess I've ballsed it up to our advantage so not too bad. DDS are just under £1600 plus food and cc payments so I can go into April with 'spare' and then from May 1st the new debt busting regime kicks in with a vengeance as DH will have been paid then (and all tax credits etc will stop).

One last thing, we have provisionally sold our run around to my sil neighbour who is happy to wait till DH gets the company car in April, so that £800 will clear one high interest card! Plus, much to DHs disgust, said company car is a Ford Focus so only £100 a month in tax.....I say disgust because he's used to top of the range BMWs, but at upwards of £300 a month tax he can grin and bear it! Every penny a prisoner!

I hope all is well with you all. As I adjust into my new regime without DH not actually being much help anyway in the week, I will try and post more often.

to those in need.....cupboards are a bit bare as it's the end of the week but could rustle up some fairy cakes if required! X

Well ladies you can all snigger as my budgeting has gone to ratshit this week.

I live inside the M27 and work in various places around Hampshire.

Have a look at the traffic maps for the Winchester / Southampton corridor last night.
DH took two hours to drive from Winchester to Southampton.
We got doner kebab from the chippie. AND had a drink

Now look at the travel news for today.
Both of us were working to the East of Southampton.
His 2 hour journey took 4 hours. My 15 minute journey took over an hour.
Curry from Waitrose AND a drink tonight.

Two weeks till we fly on our holiday. I normally love flying but have a knot in my stomach.
Both my kids are doing school trips by plane this summer.

Tip I have to fly alone with work soon too I'm considering getting a file together for DH of paperwork etc is that weird ?!!!

Tell me again how long it took you to pay off your debts ? I don't think I can do this for 3 years with no holidays, clothes etc :(

snowie
I was in debt for YEARS
the max out period was 3 years 1995 to 1998
another 2 years of relying on benefits and frugal living
life only got relaxed after another three years
savings started in 2009
debt free day was last year

if a small holiday built into the reduction plan will help you stick to it, do so
but do not lose sight of the goal