Debt mutual support thread number 7 ....... Spring is coming - let the sun shine into your finances and your life

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last six threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2258202-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-6-start-the-new-year-with-a-clear-purpose-and-keep-moving-forwards-even-by-tiny-steps?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

*not fair

Oh my goodness Hooker I'm so sorry to hear that things have not improved for you.
And its diabolical that the safety net is trying to let you slip through.

With the election safely out of the way my best suggestion is to go and visit your MP at their next surgery and refuse to leave until they take up your case : if the police have to be called, all the better.

Also go into the Job Centre and refuse to leave till they treat you properly
and get the CAB on your case.

Thanks Talkin
Really thought we'd be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel by now...
DH has been back to the job centre several times but to no avail-they really just didn't want to know.He's asked to see supervisors and managers but it's made no difference. He actually said to one 'advisor' " So what happens if i can never work again?".The advisor shrugged!!! DH came very close to punching him,and he's not a violent man! He just keeps getting told that it's the system and that's the way it works.......He applied for income based Employment Support Allowance-but got turned down because I earn too much.Really??? I earned just over £10,000 last year-less than £1000 a month. How do they work that out then???
We also tried the CAB-same again.That's the benefit system and that's how it works.......
I'm thinking of eating crap for the next few months, then claiming I'm too fat to work.....

I can't imagine living the rest of my life like this.The thought of it makes me cry.We feel like hamsters on a wheel-going round and round and not getting anywhere because nobody will help us.
We don't get invited out by people anymore because we can't afford to go.We booked a holiday last year when DH was working but that's not going to happen either.I feel incredibly sorry for DH because he blames himself, and he hates me not being able to have time off because I don't get paid if I do (I'm self employed).Life is not good...

(((((( hooker ))))) I feel for you. You are caught in the shitty gap between unthinking departments.
Have you tried your MP?

Haven't tried our MP but I'm not sure what he can do?? (bit ignorant really-not sure how much clout they have in cases like ours). Surely if it's because of the system, then he can't change that can he?
feel like shutting up the house, and just walking away from it all...

MPs can ask questions of ministers that have to be answered.
Departments that fob off MPs can find themselves in hot water PDQ
if you can get your MP on board they can be a VERY powerful ally.

Will have to find out when his next surgery is then and get DH along to it.Worth a try!

Can I join? We are in such a mess financially. Dh had been out of work for a while, but got a new job early this year, however, when we've paid all the bills we have little left. Our mortgage including paying off arrears is half our income. I work part time from home, I suffer with anxiety and depression and am unable to work elsewhere. However, my earnings are very low at the moment, I'm hoping work will be busier soon - I only get paid for any work I actually do. I've tried looking for other work I can do, but I struggle to talk to people on the phone or face to face, so it's very difficult.

We have lots of debt from when dh has been unemployed in the past. When dh was unemployed we arranged token payments of £1 per month on these debts, which we are still paying, as we can't afford more. Dh spends a fortune on petrol, travelling an hour to and from work every day.

I have drawn up a budget, which I try to stuck to, but when I feel down (which is most of the time) I buy junk food. I have no willpower and I think I am addicted to sugar food

Dd is 14 and constantly growing at the moment. I buy most of her clothes on Ebay or in Peacocks though. I have gone up a dress size and have nothing that fits apart from a pair of leggings and a pair of jeggings and some scruffy joggers.

There seems no point in speaking to a debt management company, as we can't lower our debt repayments any more and still don't have enough money.

Sorry for whining, I have no one I can talk to. My mum starts chemotherapy tomorrow and I'm so worried about her.

I am too down to want to cook or clean.

I'm trying to sell stuff on Ebay, mainly clothes and jewellery, but not having much success at the moment. On Friday I need to pay council tax, but I have no money until dh gets paid next Tuesday, the overdraft is maxed out and our bad credit rating means I can't borrow any more money - which is for the best, as I couldn't pay it back. I do have enough food in to last til the weekend and should be able to eke it out to Tuesday.

Forgot to add, we also apparently had an overpayment of ctc last year by £3k (I don't know how, when we gave them all the correct figures and dh was receiving jsa), they are supposedly taking that out of this year's ctc, but despite us giving them the right figures for dh's income, they are still paying us some ctc, but we shouldn't be entitled. I can't even begin to sort that out at the moment, as we can't afford to pay them back and we need the few extra quid we're getting from them each week.

Hi there thecatsmother and welcome to this quiet, supportive corner of MN. You are not alone.
Work : I do not know what your skills are but see if mechanical turk or people-per-hour might be able to give you a bit extra

if you are married, have you applied to have your tax allowance transferred to your DH from this year?

is there any way he could car share to work to reduce the fuel bills?
and does he alwaystake a packed lunch and thermos of coffee to reduce fritter money?

Have a play with the budget sheet and see if you can work out where you might have leeway and the splendid people who lurk / reappear on this thread will put their thinking hats on for you.

I'm so sorry about your mum cats, truly I am. Is your doctor treating you for the anxiety? Some of my relatives have daily meds for it. It's the difference between them being able to go out or not.

Thanks for the replies. The only leeway in our budget is the money we spend on comfort food (can add up to £80 over the amend, crazy ) and when I get carried away on Ebay. I know I shouldn't do it, but sometimes I get a devil-may-care attitude, sort of "we work hard, we don't drink or smoke or have expensive holidays, why shouldn't we be able to buy some chocolate/go to MacDonald's".

There is no one nearby that works with dh, so no car share possible and we live in a small village, public transport is rubbish, so he needs to drive.

He does usually take sandwiches and his own coffee, often I have to make the sandwiches for him to ensure he takes some.

I have looked on people per hour, but there seem to be a lot of people working for ridiculously low prices, making it difficult for others.

I do take antidepressants for the anxiety, they do help, but I still can't imagine being able to work full time or even part time in an office.

thecats
You know what I'm going to say dont you

no ebay for a month : nothing at all at all at all
no "comfort food" : two reasons - money and health
one really nice treat meal a month : otherwise save that £100 a week and throw it at debt and you'll be in a good place sooner than you think.

I know Talk The problem is my lack of willpower. I know that we shouldn't buy and eat junk, but I can't seem to stop myself when I feel really down or frustrated. It's like something takes over my mind, all sense is gone and I give in to the cravings. For the same reason I can't stick to a diet I know why I have to do it and stick to it for a week, then get a craving for something and just give in. I've tried writing down the reasons why I have to stop eating junk, but it doesn't help. I just stop caring. I'm wondering if it's some sort of eating disorder or psychological problem

I've deleted the eBay app from my phone before, but may end up downloading it again

Sorry, that should read "just end up downloading it again".

thecats
AS I am sure you have worked out, both excessive spending and excessive eating are linked to incorrect feedback in the deferred gratification loop in the brain.

Its the one they test withe little kids on : one biscuit now or two in ten minutes ....
the ones who cannot wait show impulsive behaviour in all areas and it affects the rest of their lives.
BUT
Once you understand it, you can start to change it.

See if you can go a day with no fritter spending or mindless eating.
See how that feeling of control makes you feel.
Build on that positive feedback feeling in your limbic and neural networks.

Hooker,
Has you dh got support of his doctor? You haven't mentioned it. Get him back there, hard I know for men, go with him. He's ill and say ,now depressed. As hard as it is you have to paint the worst picture for pip ppl. Apply again and appeal appeal appeal.
This might help filling in the forms. Its what they ask at the face to face meetings. Take no shit.
www.benefitsandwork.co.uk/personal-independence-payment-pip/pip-points-system

Thanks Talk, I didn't know that. I'll try

Marking place. I feel like a zombie at the moment. Work, work, work and more work.

Tired.

Sorry for being so pathetic yesterday. I'm feeling a bit more positive today, as pay day draws closer. Today I did a tiny top up shop with the change in my purse and spent only £9 on bread, ham for sandwiches, cereal bars for dd, some value digestive biscuits, potatoes for tonight's meal, an apple, cat food and crispbreads. I think we have enough in the freezer and cupboard to see us through til pay day, apart from maybe bread and ham for sandwiches.

I'm going to try really hard next month and see if I can stop the expensive top up shops.

Hi annie
He's been to the doctor more times in the last 5 months than he's been in his entire life, but because he hasn't been about any mental health issues, then PIP don't want to know.
He's applied twice and although his physical health is poor, he is still able to take himself to the loo-although he has to go upstairs on all fours-and feed himself which has gone against him.The fact that he can't walk far (he now has a blue disabled badge),is in constant pain and needs 2 walking sticks doesn't seem to matter that much to them-they seem more interested in whether he can hold a conversation with someone, or count money! It's massively frustrating and he feels very let down by the system because he thought he would get some help after paying his dues for 30 years.

TiP what did you mean about transferring the tax allowance to your DH? Is that something I could do?

A teeny piece of good news for all
www.gov.uk/married-couples-allowance/what-youll-get

I have registered for that