Separation

[blueemma]

My husband and I are considering separation. I am really worried about the financial implications. Since we had our daughter who is 3 years old i only work part time. We have a joint mortgage with monthly payments of £800. My current salary would be enough for bills, childcare, etc but i would have nothing left for food or petrol, clothes... If my husband move to rented accomodation would it be unreasonable to ask him to continue paying for half the mortgage? Would he need to contribute to child maintenance as well? I dont want him to be in a difficult situation either but need to know what arrangements are reasonable and fair. Any ideas really appreciated as i am really confused and scared. Thanks

You need to get some legal advice. There are various conventions for a fair split of marital assets and ongoing expenses which you need to be aware of. Once you have the information, assuming everything is reasonably amicable and cooperative, you may be able to reach an agreement with your STBXH either privately or through mediation.

The ultimate agreement has to be 'fair'. Running two homes is always going to be more expensive than one household and there will be sacrifices. Keeping disruption to a minimum has to be offset against both of you having a reasonable standard of living.

The "usual" way that these things work would be that he would contribute child maintenance and you would be expected to cover the costs of housing yourself, obviously there is room for negotiation with this but it wouldn't be the norm.

Depending on your salary you may be eligible for tax credits and help with childcare costs, plus as resident parent you would get child benefit. Ultimately though the marital home may have to be sold, particularly if your DH needs the equity to purchase a new property.

Thanks. We dont want to sell house so that our daughter does not have so many changes at once. How do i know what benefits i could get? Do they depend on salary? My salary at the moment is 24000 a year. If i have to pay whole mortgage, how much can i expect from him in terms of child maintenance? Also is there a way of getting legal advice for free? Thanks

You will get a very small amount of tax credits based on that salary, the cut off is £26k, and if you are paying for registered childcare you will get some help towards that. There are calculators available online for benefits, and also for child maintenance although that will only tell you the minimum, plenty of non resident parents pay more than that.

I have 2 children, recently separated from my husband and I earn about half of what you do. Yes I get child tax, as I don't earn a lot. Honestly it was the best thing I ever did, like you the financial side worried me the most but you manage. I am much happier and so are my children, which is the main thing.
Only you can make that decision but I would advise that you do not stay with someone because you are worried about money, I did and regretted it.

If you contact some family lawyers in your area you may find some that will offer you a free initial consultation. CAB is another source of free legal advice. It's OK to want to avoid disruption but it's also important to reach a fair agreement that allows both you and your STBXH a reasonable standard of living going forward. He will need a place to live big enough that there is a room for DD when she is with him, for example.

So please don't guess or use MN as a substitute for professional, specific legal advice. There is a lot at stake when talking about property

I don't think you could expect him to pay half the mortgage for anything more than a very short time. I agree you need legal advice.

Thanks. Will try to get some legal advice and see what they say. What a mess!! :-(

It's not necessarily messy but you may have to revise your expectations. Go to see a solicitor, keep an open mind and then discuss the details with your STBXH. My personal opinion after experiencing divorce is that - within reason - being self sufficient is a good thing to aim for.

The Money Advice Service website has lots of info and advice on this:
www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/categories/divorce-and-separation

Thanks everybody. I am feeling really overwhelmed. Husband asked last weekend for another chance to avoid separation but it is only tuesday and he has been already bullying me so i cant see how we can save this relationship despite of the love i do feel for him. I might contact a lawyer for a free initial consultation as i cant think straight by myself but at the same time feel it will be pointless as i wont be able to afford any expenses afterwards. An amicable chat and agreement with my husband would be my preferred option but cant see this happening either. :(

The costs of divorce can be kept down if you and your STBXH agree to mediate rather than use lawyers for everything. If your relationship is abusive (physical or emotional), consider talking to Women's Aid 0808 2000 247 who can advise on how to access legal aid or recommend lawyers that specialise in domestic abuse. Final legal cots can often be deferred until the financial settlement.