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Original poster

Mother keeps asking for money AFTER CSA liability has ended

88 replies

jonzie55 · 02/12/2014 15:33

My husband's CSA payments ended in July 2011. The child was then 19. I have since found out that the mother has been asking for more money from my husband and I have just found out that in the 3 years since his CSA obligations ended, he has paid out a total of £8,000 to her, without my knowledge. As you can imagine I am very upset by this. I fear he felt pressured by her and just paid what she asked for a quiet life. What I'd like to know is, would he be able to claim this money back through the Courts? Has anyone had a similar experience? Thanks.

OP posts:

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 02/12/2014 17:00

Ah ok listed - thanks.

OP you're putting your anger in the wrong place. It's dissonance and very common.

LTB. Or rather CTBO - chuck the bastard out.

MrsDeVere · 02/12/2014 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cupofsneeze · 02/12/2014 17:01

jonzie please concentrate on looking after yourself, forget the money and deal with how you are going to get through this.

The relationships board are full of women who can help you with kinds words and support and sadly a lot of them will have faced a huge betrayal like you have .

RandomFriend · 02/12/2014 17:02

For the other posters that are getting on at OP because she is asking if she can get some money back, I think the focus on the extra money is a sort-of distraction from having to confront the bigger issue of not knowing at there was a child born around the time she started living with her DH.

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 02/12/2014 17:03

People are being horrible here for reasons i cant understand. A woman has just found out her DH has a secret child conceived while she was with him over 20 years ago. OP is understandably in shock and looking to apportion blame and claw back some of the devastation. Yes it is misdirected but this is very fresh and will take time for OP to process.

As for asking OP if she didnt notice her husband going out one night a week- what is the point of that question? it almost sounds as if you are blaming OP for not knowing her DH was lying!

BuzzardBirdRoast · 02/12/2014 17:09

Most of us don't believe that your reaction is nothing more than shock OP. I don't think you should believe your husband if he says he has had nothing to do with his son, I just think if he kept his whole existence hidden all these years whilst still supporting him after he legally had to then you can't really trust his 'minimising' now.
You could do with some space to get your thoughts together I think?

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 02/12/2014 17:10

I really think you've had the right advice in that you should post in Relationships.

halfwildlingwoman · 02/12/2014 17:13

Yes, some of you are being horrible. The full story wasn't there to start with and once it was, it was perfectly obvious that OP is in shock.
OP, don't go, repost in relationships with the full story and you will get lots of support. I'm really sorry you've have such a shock. FWIW, you probably would have realised that the money wasn't the main issue yourself quite soon, MN has just got you there quicker. Good luck.

FruitCakey · 02/12/2014 17:20

OP, I am sorry that some people have been so awful to you. How could anyone put this women in a bad light when she has just discovered life changing information, in which she is totally faultless?

OP. Sorry you're going through this. Take time to process it all.

Iristutu · 02/12/2014 17:28

Goodness, this is a worst nightmare scinareo.

He'd have to go, utter betrayal on his part.

The money, well that's not really important now. Actually I think it's ok he helped out past 18, it's a decent thing to do. I guess you feel it's your money he spent?

What else has he hid from you?

Poor you OP I feel for you. (flowers)

simbacatlivesagain · 11/12/2014 13:30

Gosh. I also feel for you. What I don't get is what kind of person couldn't want to be a part of their child's life. That must be awful for you as I assume you are aghast that someone can be so cold. Your whole life must be upturned.

Fingeronthebutton · 20/12/2014 15:43

Jonzie55. It's a shame you didn't read some of the other relationship threads before you posted. You have to have a thick skin and a broad back to post a problem on here.

hulahoopsilove · 21/12/2014 09:13

OP - hope you read this...you have to read between the posts in this and ignore the more should I say troublesome messages.

You are in shock Im sure and very angry and you have a damn right to be. Try and calm down and think logically but the first thing you must do it talk to your DH, tell him from now today right now no more lies he must be upfront with you.

My DH pays child maintenance and also pays extra every month as his DD's are always on the phone asking for more for this, that the other - he also does this behind my back but I always find out (bank statements etc) he's paid extra recently to one DD for a repair for her phone £120 this is the 3rd time repair to phone asked for - If he's got that spare it should be kept in our household I think its just guilt not sure why but after christmas is out of the way the roof will be off this house!!!!

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