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Original poster

Mother keeps asking for money AFTER CSA liability has ended

88 replies

jonzie55 · 02/12/2014 15:33

My husband's CSA payments ended in July 2011. The child was then 19. I have since found out that the mother has been asking for more money from my husband and I have just found out that in the 3 years since his CSA obligations ended, he has paid out a total of £8,000 to her, without my knowledge. As you can imagine I am very upset by this. I fear he felt pressured by her and just paid what she asked for a quiet life. What I'd like to know is, would he be able to claim this money back through the Courts? Has anyone had a similar experience? Thanks.

OP posts:
Pootles2010 · 02/12/2014 16:24

You should be worried about the fact that your husband is the type of man who can lie to you for your whole marriage, and the type of man to act as if his child doesn't exist.

To be frank, your husband is a very nasty piece of work, and you want shot of him. I'd be seeing a solicitor sharpish.

mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 02/12/2014 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 02/12/2014 16:25

I can (well I can't I'm not married but I could) if I was on a joint account with my husband, I could go and spend squillions of money on anything I like. I could give thousands to the dogs home. As long as I am compos mentis there's nothing my husband can do. He couldn't sue the dogs home to get the money back.

GraysAnalogy · 02/12/2014 16:26

They don't just suddenly stop being their children once they come of age. I'm glad he gave the kid extra.

Think of all the birthdays and christmases you don't have to pay for now he's effectively washed his hands of the poor thing :(

ajandjjmum · 02/12/2014 16:28

It's neither the mother nor boys fault, it's your DH for being a downright liar and cheat.

IMHO you need to direct your anger towards him, not some woman who he also treated badly years ago.

JoanHickson · 02/12/2014 16:29

To be fair to op she had a shock. As has been said op sounds nasty blaming a child that was pushed out of his family like a dirty secret.

AnnieLobeseder · 02/12/2014 16:30

mymummademelistentoshitmusic you are being a spectacular bitch to someone who has just has their life turned upside-down. Back off.

DixieNormas · 02/12/2014 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NewNamePlease · 02/12/2014 16:31

Tbh you sound like you deserve each other.

DixieNormas · 02/12/2014 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theHowlatWooooooCorner · 02/12/2014 16:38

mymummy and new name you are both being unbelievably unfair to OP.

OP does your DH know you've discovered this? Have you spoken with anyone in RL about this? Your head must be spinning. Can you have a few days to yourself to think about what you want to do next.

To be honest, I'd for get about the 8k. Concentrate on how you feel about your DH right now.

listed · 02/12/2014 16:40

WhyYouGotta

Because her husband was paying money that he had a legal obligation to pay.

The fact that he didn't tell her isn't the courts problem

VivaLeBeaver · 02/12/2014 16:41

Well he's been a shit father by having nothing to do with the kid.

Maybe he's felt guilty and thought the least he could do was to pay some money for a car. Maybe some was while the kid was at uni?

I don't think you've got any chance of getting the money back from the mother. She didnt hold a gun to his head.

I think the money is the least of your worries.

FruitCakey · 02/12/2014 16:41

OP! You H is a scumbag. Stop worrying about the money and send him on his way! He's a consistent liar. He's a shite father. He's a shite husband. L....T...B!!

FruitCakey · 02/12/2014 16:41

Your H*

listed · 02/12/2014 16:43

It's mumsnet, not kickawomanwhileshesdown-net

Disgusting

GritStrength · 02/12/2014 16:48

OP, this must all come as a terrible shock. But come on, if you find your husband cheated on you, fathered a child, omitted to tell you this for 20 odd years and the main thing you're cross about is money he paid that he wasn't legally obliged to?

cupofsneeze · 02/12/2014 16:50

You've had some very harsh responses Jonzie Sad

You are going to have to write the money off and it really is the least of your worries but if i was you i'd post over on the relationships board and get some advice on how on earth you can move forward and deal with the repercussions of your Dhs despicable choices over the course of your relationship.

Take care

DontPushTheButton · 02/12/2014 16:51

Woke what a shock. I can't imagine what must be going through your head to find out dh had a child for 20 odd years you never knew about. So he never saw the child?

BuzzardBirdRoast · 02/12/2014 16:51

Considering you didn't ever notice the money going missing every month for
22 years I doubt very much you need it now. That poor boy has grown up knowing he wasn't wanted by his Father (as far as you know) his whole life, I think the money is the least he can do. Do you know for sure he had no contact?
I'm sure you don't really want the money back. I'm sure you're just in shock, which is completely understandable.
Your husband is the one you should be talking to.

SanityClause · 02/12/2014 16:52

jonzie55, you are all over the place at the moment. You have just found out that your DH was unfaithful to you early in your long relationship, and that he had a child, and has been supporting the child, unbeknownst to you for the last 20 years.

I imagine you are in absolute shock!

So, I'm not surprised you are not looking at this all that logically.

Your husband has hugely betrayed your trust. You need to work through that.

Can I suggest you start a new thread in Relationships. Do a great big long OP, with all the details, and you will get good advice, and lots of kind words and support.

Flowers for you.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 02/12/2014 16:56

Didn't he see the child? I mean, didn't you notice him going missing one night a week, every other weekend and half the holidays?

Original poster
jonzie55 · 02/12/2014 16:57

Thank you for the constructive comments. I'm going to end this post now. With hindsight I wish I'd never have posted at all now. For the record, I'm not an awful woman. I'm just a very upset and devastated woman who is in shock.

OP posts:
listed · 02/12/2014 16:57

Frau OP said the husband didn't want anything to do with the child

RandomFriend · 02/12/2014 16:59

Of course you are in shock, OP. Starting a thread in relationships is a good idea. You will get lots of kind words there and the questions on that board will help you think it through, even if you don't post a lot after the first post.