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Original poster

this is horrific

27 replies

attheendofmyteatheragain · 12/11/2014 22:27

I have just been paid today, and my balance is already -£7 Sad Sad Sad as a good few bills have been paid today also

this will be the longest month ever. it's my mum's 60th also Sad Fuck. this is grim.

I still have to pay council tax, gas and electric and car. Plus petrol and food of course.

not sure why I'm even posting this. anyone else in the same boat?

I work part time, approx 30hrs per week, in a half decent job with a fair bit of responsibility, which I fairly enjoy but the pay is dismal. just in from a 12 hour shift, missing ds like mad, and wondering why I even bother when I can barely pay my bills anyway. (I would not and could not ever stop working in a million years,just seems so bloody pointless sometimes). dp, who is step dad to my ds earns a bit more than me (£25k) but when we split the bills, I only pay £60 less Hmm we take turns buying food but he will also usually tend to do a lot more of the food shopping when he knows I have less spare money than he does. sigh

we are both pretty laid back and have yet to sit down and open a joint bank account etc (we only moved in together in the summer) and decide a fair amount to pay each for every bill, but as I now have absolutely no disposable income whatsoever that is going to have to change.

what do most couples do in this situation when one earns a fair bit more/less than the other partner. make sure each partner has a similar amount of disposable income after all bills? I cannot live like this!

OP posts:
annielostit · 13/11/2014 07:59

When me,my son & oh (now dh) moved in we had joint bank accounts for all our accounts. His pay goes into one account mine another but its just our money. He earns 4 x more than me. We use 'my pay' for food & daily expenses. 'His pay' the bills mortgage etc and any left goes into joint saving or on stuff. We never ask for anything, we know if we can afford it. In our opinion if your being a family what's mine is yours & visa versa.
You need to reevaluate the situation. X

Lilacflower · 13/11/2014 08:05

My DH earns 3 times what I do and we have our main joint account that both wages go into and all bills come out of. What's leftover we both just spend. It's our money and he would never dream of leaving me short, saying his money etc. This was the case even before DC and I worked full time earning roughly the same as him.

Pixa · 13/11/2014 08:11

Firstly, I am so sorry that you aren't in the best position. My mum often has money troubles after doing 60 hours a week so I am watching someone go through something very similar.

DH and I have have our own bank accounts and a joint account, we pay in to the joint account equally because we both earn similar amounts, the joint account covers household expenses and joint savings. Whatever is left in our own accounts is ours, we both like the financial independence because it means we can treat each other.

We have always said that when our wages change and one earns dramatically more than the other (like if I go onto maternity leave) we would pay proportionately (so if DH earned 60% of the overall household income he would pay 60% of the household bills) into the joint account to cover bills. There is not much point us each having our own 'fun money' if we can't afford to have fun together... Hope that helps.

Pipbin · 13/11/2014 08:18

I earn about double what my DH does.

The way we work it out is this. I have all the bills coming out of one account which we both pay into. However we pay in different amounts which mean that we end up with the same amount of disposable income.
I buy all my food on a credit card and we split the bill each month.

We do not have any kind of joint account. We used to have one for food shopping that we both paid into but the credit card works better, and DH never does any food shopping now.

StuntNun · 13/11/2014 08:27

We have a joint account into which all incoming money (salary, child benefit) goes and from which all monthly bills are paid. From this we put £500 per month into a joint eSavings account that we use for large bills (car repairs, hearing oil, insurance) and take money from in December for Christmas. We also each have a personal account into which we pay £100 per month and any 'windfalls' such as money from relatives or work bonuses. This means we are both drawing the same amount from our finances. I actually find it easier to spend money because if I have it in my personal account it is 'mine' to spend whereas if it is in the joint account then we have to be more careful as we're always skint since I stopped work. My DH works full time and I am a stay-at-home mum.

NakedFamilyFightClub · 13/11/2014 08:31

Sorry you're having it tough at the moment, it does sound like things will get easier if you pool your money.

Couple of things that might help (sorry if you already know/have done this) - have you looked at the MSE website? There's some great tools on it www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/Budget-planning - this one does up a budget including big spends like Christmas

www.moneysavingexpert.com/cheapenergyclub - constantly looks around for the best energy deals

If you switch your bank account to First Direct they'll give you £100, though it doesn't come in straight away but it's better than nothing and it's voted No 1 for customer service year on year.

As for what we do, DH and I have our own accounts and a joint account, when we get paid we lump the money together, pay bills and put some away for savings then split the remainder between us.

We used to split the bills by % earned, but this is easier and works out the same.

Preciousbane · 13/11/2014 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zippyandbungle · 13/11/2014 09:03

Have you spoke to your dp about your money situation. Is he in a position to help you this month? Are you sure that both of you are paying proportionately fair amounts every month. I ask as when I fist moved in with DH many many years ago. I thought we were at the same place with regards to percentage of money left after bills, then I overheard him telling a friend how he was amazed at how much better off he was, I was at the time really struggling. It wasn't with mallace. He just didn't know as I hadn't told him. We have had a joint account since then but whatever works had to work for BOTH of you. I hope you sort it out.

Original poster
attheendofmyteatheragain · 13/11/2014 09:41

thank you all for replying! s one good advice there, I will look I into moving my current account to first direct also Smile he knows what my balance is. and has offered to help out with my mum's big birthday this month. however I will still be massively overdrawn by the end of the month with the other bills which are still to be paid.

but we'll need to sit down tonight and have a proper chat about it. I know he isn't keen on getting a joint account, and has said even with marriage that is not something he would want as it would be too 'messy' if things did not work out. however I sense this is because every year he gets a bonus from work, usually a few thousand shortly after new year and that he wouldn't to have to share, plus he pays into shares which mature every so often, which is fair enough I suppose, he is the one who works hard all year long for that.

but we do need to have something in place which is more 'fair'. I think I'll suggest the pooling of all money then after bills are paid we split the rest.

I had a credit card before I met him, which had about 2000 on it, then took out a loan to pay for home improvements at my mum's and to pay off cc. I wouldn't expect him to pay anything towards that, but we also put several things on his 0 interest cc when we moved in together, so that is our debt yet I am unable to contribute to it at the moment, gah!

OP posts:
Original poster
attheendofmyteatheragain · 13/11/2014 09:51

although.....last night when I showed him my -7 quid balance after having just been paid, he passed me the laptop and asked if I wanted to look for a new job AngryShockHmm

OP posts:
NakedFamilyFightClub · 13/11/2014 13:02

Ouch, the not working out even with marriage thing would put my back up more than the new job thing to be honest.

Did he mean looking for a new job in a genuinely trying to help kind of way? You could always point out that you working part time means you don't need to pay for childcare on those off days and if he is serious about acting as a step father, he would be paying for half of those costs?

Have you considered putting a proposal together for why you deserve a pay raise in work? Depending if that's possible in the kind of workplace it is.

specialsubject · 13/11/2014 14:26

doesn't sound like much of a team there. You are one household but you sure aren't acting like one.

you don't need joint accounts, but you need to support each other. At the moment you are acting like flatmates.

Rufus200 · 13/11/2014 17:27

In the past I earnt 30% more then DH, now he earns about 10% more then me. I have savings but he has nothing but debt!
We both pay the same amount into my Santander account each month. Out of this all utility bills are paid by direct debit so we get some cash back. I then have a M&S card with 18mths 0% and buy all our food on it and just pay the min payment each month. The money that would pay our food bills with is then saving in the Santander account but can't be spent as it needs to pay the credit card when the 18mths is up but it is earning 3% interest.
We don't have a joint account as I don't want to be linked to his debt.

I highly recommend this website for money advice
www.moneysavingexpert.com

If you have a debt that you are just paying the interest on and not actually making a dent in then I suggest you get the 0% fee balance transfer Tesco credit card instead and use the money you were paying the interest to actually start paying some of the debt.
www.tescobank.com/credit-cards/low-fee/index.html?cmpid=aggregator/moneysupermarket/creditcards/lowfeecc5

RandomMess · 13/11/2014 17:32

Are you paying for childcare costs?

It's very difficult to say what is "fair" when there is a child of only one partner involved. Do you contribute more on practical things around the house in terms of your time versus his?

carlsonrichards · 13/11/2014 17:45

'I know he isn't keen on getting a joint account, and has said even with marriage that is not something he would want as it would be too 'messy' if things did not work out. however I sense this is because every year he gets a bonus from work, usually a few thousand shortly after new year and that he wouldn't to have to share, plus he pays into shares which mature every so often, which is fair enough I suppose, he is the one who works hard all year long for that.'

You might be far better off single - council tax discount, tax credits to top up your wage, child benefit.

This person doesn't see you as a team.

Viviennemary · 13/11/2014 17:48

This arrangement cannot possibly work when one person earns a good deal more than the other. Would you be better off financially if you were single. Because really you are getting a very raw deal indeed here. You'd probably have more than £7 left a month to live on. That's awful.

Lilacflower · 13/11/2014 19:20

He doesn't seem to get that you are a team now - he wouldn't want to share his bonus etc. I'd have a word with him. You can't go on like this. It's unfair

Babyroobs · 13/11/2014 19:35

We are a bit disorganised with money. we have been together twenty years, but have never had a joint account ! I pay the mortgage and food , he pays other bills ( utilities, council tax). If I run out of money, he writes me a cheque to top my account up, as I pay for most of the day to day stuff. We never have much left at the end of the month despite both earning reasonable amounts.

Original poster
attheendofmyteatheragain · 13/11/2014 20:23

ok so to try and answer some questions....

yes I pay childcare, 300 a month which is exactly what exp gives me for child maintenance.

I definitely do more around the house with my time yes, as I will usually finish a few hours before dp does so will generally have dinner cooking etc and do about 80% of the cleaning/organising.

going to have a chat with him as soon as he's out the shower, if nothing changes (which I'm sure it will) I would definitely be better off being single, but I'll see how the chat goes. I'm just kicking myself now for not doing this month's ago!

OP posts:
Original poster
attheendofmyteatheragain · 13/11/2014 22:41

wow. that didn't go well, he finally came round to the idea and has agreed to pay more but seems like he is grudging it. his initial response was, who is this going to benefit other than you who will now get more money, and for what!? Shock

OP posts:
carlsonrichards · 13/11/2014 22:57

He's not a team player. He's this is mine and that's yours and sounds mean.

Sorry, but I'd kick him out.

Original poster
attheendofmyteatheragain · 13/11/2014 22:58

oh and he said I should really be asking exp for more child maintenance

OP posts:
Original poster
attheendofmyteatheragain · 13/11/2014 23:01

I'm not making excuses for him but I think he can be quite naive sometimes, I'm not sure this is entirely malicious. and we've been trying to save for a mortgage but are getting nowhere fast, I think he sees this as even less money for the mortgage deposit fund, but still, feel like I'm asking him for money Sad

OP posts:
NakedFamilyFightClub · 13/11/2014 23:06

Oh, Flowers OP, that sounds rough on you.

It really doesn't paint him in a good light, he's not much of a man if he's willing to see the woman he's supposed to love scrimp and save while he's flush and eating the food she's cooked for him.

I think you'd be better off without him and his attitude.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 13/11/2014 23:06

It doesn't sound good, tbh. If you were making twice what he was making, would he expect you both to put in equal amounts (so that you have much more disposable income than him?) or would he expect you to contribute more as you made more?