How much board should ds 22 pay?

[kazzawazzawoo]

Just that really. Ds works full time, earns more than I do. We are struggling financially. How much would you ask your ds to pay board? He is 22, barely here, as he goes out with friends after work. He earns about £1,400 after tax etc. He doesn't help with chores except walking the dog if he's home when I'm working.

Why doesn't he just move out?

Do you provide food and cook meals?

At that age and earning that much, he should move out.

Well, it sounds like he's using your house as his own, and getting major perks you wouldn't have living by yourself.. I'm 22 and pay £600 PCM rent on my flat and £200pcm on bills before food etc..

He should be helping with chores - why doesn't he?

Has he offered to pay or is he assuming you will just let him live there for nothing?

As a family do you talk about expenses/bills/cost of things etc etc - we do this already with our 12 year old so is aware of how much it costs to run a home.

At the very least I would suggest £100 a week minimum.

What does he do with his £1,400 a month ???

Tbh I think what he earns is irrelevant to what you charge.

Renting a room elsewhere would probably cost £400 PCM, therefore I would charge that (or £100 pw). Though I think you can only charge him that if you treat him as an adult ie - no rules regarding coming home or anything. I'm guessing he gets the added perks of laundry/cooking/cleaning done for him....as his mother, I would charge extra for that.

**would not charge extra.

Though he should be cleaning up after himself.

OldCatLady - I disagree with the 'no rules' - surely it is just good manners to accept that you are living in your parents home and should respect basic house rules? Not draconian but at least have the courtesey to let your parents know if you are late, don't need an evening meal or whatever.

I would not expect my 22 year old son to come home at 2am in the morning with a group of mates and make a fry-up for example (this happened to my parents years ago and all the fire alarms were set off, kitchen damaged etc etc ).

I think £400 PCM is fair but it depends where the rest of the money is going!! If he is saving for a mortgage, and living at home to save quicker, then perfect, £400pcm to you, he's basically got no other outgoings.. Done and dandy.. If he's out every night spending it up, swanky car with added extras, and generally throwing it all down the drain I would consider more..

if he's paid monthly. £500 month, it still leaves him £900 spending money. It might encourage him to get his own place.

Staggered by people saying at that age he should move out. Why? (It's a very specific cultural practice, btw, and plenty of people don't have that kind of family expectation.)

But yes, he's an adult, and it's his home too. He needs to contribute to the family pot. At least £400, maybe £600.

Does he do his own laundry, make his own meals (and clear up after them), etc etc?

Basic rent, plus share of utilities, council tax, food etc. he earns more than you and needs to learn about how the real world works and how to budget. Say a min of £100 ow for rent , plus gas, electricity, wi fi, TV license, council tax and food etc takes it up to nearer £200 pe.

(I'm also going to use this thread as motivation for me to get my 12 year old to help more around the house. I don't want to be in the same situation as the OP in 10 years time!)

I alwayd envisage charging 20 percent of whatever my dc earn once they are out of education.

He would get his room and utilities for that. No laundry services, cooking etc.

Id expect him to cook at least one family meal per week too.

Why are you staggered Archery? I moved out when I was 21 and got my first job. That was normal amongst all my friends...

whereisshe I moved out at sixteen, and was living an independent life, so I'm not saying it shouldn't happen.

I'm just pointing out that it isn't a universal human thing to move out of the family home, but a pretty culturally specific notion not shared by everyone. In my ex's family, for example, the sons often stay at home (ie are never expected to leave) and bring their brides into their mother's house, whereas daughters, if they get married, move into their MILs. As your parents/in-laws get older, you take on more and more of the household expenses. There's plenty of exceptions, of course, but it isn't seen as a childish or unmanly thing to live with your mum when you are thirty, but quite the opposite: you are fulfilling your family obligations.

When I worked before going to college my mums rule of thumb was a 1/3 of my wage for board, 1/3 to spend, 1/3 to save. So I was going to suggest you asked for a third.

And yes to rules - all of mine stayed at home till they went off to uni and then again till they got married if they were not working abroad. They all had to follow house rules. You dont have to be draconian because its not about laying down the law, its about making sure the house is a happy place for all to be.

Good point about rules, Granny. If they were in a shared household, they'd also have rules of a sort, so it isn't just a parental-home thing.

I think £50 a week, but he does his own washing and ironing

I heard a very logical approach to teenage kids on MN a while ago and I plan to use something like it when the time comes.

It said 1/3 to mum in " keep" , 1/3 to mum for savings ( or from savings directly - more adult way!) and 1/3 to spend (fares/car/food out and all clothing/entertainment).

So in your case I'd maybe even suggest £500 rent, £450 save £450 spends. If you were to log the costs of keeping an adult- there will be £100 food/month for a start, without thinking of heat/light/council tax/TC licence/internet/laundry etc.

I don't think £500/month is excessive ( depending on where you live) . Crappy student digs are are £70 up a week for my DD1 without bills or food. If you really thought it was too much you could salt away the extra and give him it as a house warming pressie when he moves out!

You do him no service if he believes he has £1400 just to spend on him every month!

Actually I think some of these are ridiculous. Charging the same as a flat or house share iis very different. Presumably the ds can't bring a different girl home every night?

Also at 21 I think your son may just have graduated and got this salary so give him some time to adjust and then discuss it.

Also the amount is regardless of what he does with the rest. It is his money to spend as he sees fit.

Op I would caution against taking too much. You are financially struggling and I assume if he moved out you'd be worse off. Bills for 2 v bills for 2 plus the occasional son as you say he is rarely there?

When I had 1400 a month I could easily have rented a 3 bed round here with bills for 550 and that's recently. Get a mate in to share and that was 275. As opposed to londo where it would have eaten all my wage.

Roughly whereabouts in the country are you, OP?

Currently he pays £200 pcm. However utilities, council tax, everything has gone up. Also that was originally thought to include him babysitting for dd 13 occasionally and chores such as cutting grass, helping with hoovering etc. He does no chores because he's rarely here during the day. He does his own washing, heats some food up when he gets in, which I usually buy (unless he fancies something like steak), I give him lifts to work if I'm around, as his bike broke ... His room is a tip. He rarely brings someone home since splitting up with his girlfriend.

He didn't go to uni but started work straight from college 3 years ago. He is meant to be saving a deposit for a rental flat, but not doing so, his money is spent on tobacco, booze and takeaways.

Thanks for all your ideas