How much board should ds 22 pay?

[kazzawazzawoo]

Just that really. Ds works full time, earns more than I do. We are struggling financially. How much would you ask your ds to pay board? He is 22, barely here, as he goes out with friends after work. He earns about £1,400 after tax etc. He doesn't help with chores except walking the dog if he's home when I'm working.

I have been charging the minimum up to now to give him the chance to save. He isn't doing. If he moves out he will have to learn to cope. We will manage. Maybe we will rent the room out then? His plan is to move out anyway, he just needs to save for a deposit, furniture etc. He hasn't done that

I don't want to make life difficult for him. But I do want him to learn to look after himself and to manage his money.

I think he will find life much harder if he moves out even if has to pay the OP more. Why should she subsidise his lifestyle anyway when she can't afford it and he can? He is an adult and should pay his way. If he pays £400 he still has a lot of money to fun with. It certainly teaches him nothing to think that his lifestyle has no cost to the OP. He should know that what he takes for granted actually costs.

Putting up his rent will help the OP and do hardly any damage to his fun whatsoever. Why wouldn't he be happy about that unless he is taking living at home for granted and thinks just because he is her 'child' that he can keep taking and not giving anything back. I think letting him get away with paying very little will just breed a sense of entitlement which is very unattractive.

I didn't say I wouldn't charge him more- I asked what other people thought. Expenses have increased since I started charging £200 per month- a lot! I think he should contribute fairly towards this.

When I was that age and living at home (13 years ago) I paid £300 and was only earning £900 pcm.

I think £350 is a very good deal - he wont move out!

My DS moved out when he was 24, he earnt about 1100 per month and we charged him 35 per week. He was hardly at home for the last 2 years, he probably ate 3 dinners and 2 lunches at home all week.

He won't find anywhere that cheap anyway. Cheapest flat or even flat share I have seen is £360 pcm plus bills and that is in a really rough area. He'd have no washer y fridge in that.

I only started charging him £200 when he went full time, before that I still paid him for babysitting!

I just don't get the point of him showering daily- seems like you begrudge it- I would expect it. mine does at 14yrs.

He sounds like an average a 22 yr old.
at that age I was out every night or travelling the world, my priority was fun now I'm older it's pensions, savings etc.

Did you teach him to budget when he was younger?

Also whatever the cost of your mortgage is irrelevant to what you charge.

If he rented he would pay the going rate for that area regardless of the mortgage on it.

If he moves out your food and electric bill will go down a lot, ours did when DS moved out.

He has got £1200 a month spending money and no responsibilities, that is not going to make him good at budgeting in the long run. I think he will be at home for a long time yet.

Having a child does not mean you subsidise them forever though. peggyat what age do you think he should start contributing more to the family pot? He's an adult now and has been working for 3 years and should be acting like one.

We have been helping our 24 year old through uni as much as we can,but as soon as she is back home, earning money and her overdraft is paid off, then we will expect her to pay her way.

The point I was making is that he's using a lot of water and we are on a water meter, so the water costs money and our bill goes up annually.

Yes he would pay the going rate if he rented, for a house the size of ours it would probably cost the same as our mortgage, so if he was sharing a house like this with three others he would be paying approx a quarter of what we pay for the mortgage plus a quarter of the bills.

Why should an adult make need to be taught how yo budget by his mother? He will be well aware he's frittering away his salary while paying a bargain basement rent. If he honestly doesn't know that you put aside money for essentials like tent, food, travel etc then that us rather sad.
He is not a school leaver but a man who has been working for years, earns more than his mum but expects her to subsidise his life.
At 22 he needs to take responsibility for his own life and stop expecting his mum to run him around like a little kid.

he'll never go at this rate, why should he?

stop all services - he shops and cooks for himself. Change password on broadband, he can get his own.

OR tell him that unless he starts saving money for that deposit and you have proof, you are giving him 3 months notice.

Do you want him to go? Why be so mean wrt broadband food etc with your own kids. You can still be nice and tell him what you expect!

This is getting rather ugly and I think Noddy is spot on.

I'm all for our children learning about the financial realities of life but there's ways to do it and ways not to, and choosing a nice or gentle approach to things does not automatically mean a person will be a brat or they're indulged. It is entirely possible for people to not have lives lessons hammered into them and for them to turn out as responsible people capable of running a home and making food financial choices.

I don't want him to go, no I also never said I would be mean to him. I just wanted to find a way of working out how much to ask for and be able to explain how I got to that figure.

Thanks to everyone for their opinions. We had a chat last night and he will now pay me £300 a month. He is perfectly happy with that and understood when I explained that since originally discussing an amount the cost of many things has increased quite a lot.

'good' financial choices - not food .

Kazza -all's well that ends well :)