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Original poster

How much board should ds 22 pay?

68 replies

kazzawazzawoo · 10/06/2014 08:20

Just that really. Ds works full time, earns more than I do. We are struggling financially. How much would you ask your ds to pay board? He is 22, barely here, as he goes out with friends after work. He earns about £1,400 after tax etc. He doesn't help with chores except walking the dog if he's home when I'm working.

OP posts:
Original poster
kazzawazzawoo · 10/06/2014 10:29

We're in Yorkshire.

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KatieKaye · 10/06/2014 12:14

He is living the life of Riley ! I'd stop the lifts for starters and let him get the bus. He has no student d
Loans yo pay off and does nothing around the house to help you? Time for a wake up call.

Original poster
kazzawazzawoo · 10/06/2014 12:19

I wanted him to be able to save a deposit for a flat.But he isn't. He showers every day, uses up our broadband allowance playing games.

For a flat he would probably pay £500 plus bills if it was a nice area, slightly less if a rough area.

My worry is he's not learning to budget or look after himself really. He doesn't buy new clothes. He has no money left by half way through the month.

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Original poster
kazzawazzawoo · 10/06/2014 12:21

We live in a village, so buses only run every half hour during the day during the week. However, he could plan better! He is always running late and/or has no money. I am spoiling him arent I?

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Ragwort · 10/06/2014 12:44

Yes, you are spoiling him - in the nicest possible way you need him to learn that households cost money to run and his lifestyle is totally selfish - he needs either to pay a lot more and do his share of the chores, or move out.

He might turn into one of those DPs/DHs that women moan about on Mumsnet as they are totally useless around the house and with money. Sad.

KatieKaye · 10/06/2014 12:50

Change the code on the broadband!
OP, I earn less than your son and manage with 1/2 hourly buses. It isn't difficult. Basically you are subsidising a grown man who earns more than you of and expects you to run around after him. Seriously he needs to learn to cope on his own and you are not doing him any favours. Set a fair charge for all that he gets at home, tell him what he has to do around the house. If he doesn't like it, he can start renting. He needs to grow up and stop behaving like a spoilt brat or you will still be running around after him when you are 70.

allinthegameyo · 10/06/2014 13:02

he doesn't sound too bad to me ;
he showers everyday
does his own washing
cooks his food
he's got a decently paid job

he needs help with budgeting and saving
I wouldn't bother with his room, I bet it will be tidied when he gets another girlfriend.

If it were me I would charge him £100 all in if he saves £500 and makes the other £500 last.
I would also expect hovering, and grass cut each week and him to clean up after himself in general.
giving him lifts to work (you say when your around- what happens when your not?) is babying him imo. he can get his bike fixed!

allinthegameyo · 10/06/2014 13:02

£100 per week that is

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals · 10/06/2014 13:11

I used to pay 200 a month board at 22, only 28 now. This didn't include any food as I was out a lot and easier to cook for myself if I was around.

I spent the rest on eating out, holidays, cars, clothes. I saved very little but I had a lot of fun. Why not? I was 22!

Now I'm married with a child, buying a house and finances are all in order. There isn't as much leftover for all the fun stuff.

Personally, as long as he is actually paying you the board and not costing you more than 200 a month, I wouldn't charge any more. If it were me and I was charged more I'd find a house share with friends, which is fine if it's what you want.

I don't understand the rush to make him grow up and be sensible. He sounds pretty normal to me and my peers.

BigBoobiedBertha · 10/06/2014 13:21

I think £400 pm is fine but he shouldn't get to treat the place like a hotel and should be more part of the family imo. Yes he is an adult and should come and go as he pleases but with that right comes a responsibility to do more than just sleep and occasionally eat at the house. Plus if he was in a bit more he wouldn't be spending so much. For example it would be nice if he had meals with you, say, 3 times a week, one of which he cooked for you. He should clean up after himself and do more jobs around the house generally.

For the amount he earns he could get himself a decent car and still save for a deposit if he weren't wating money. That would free you from lift giving.

£200 would be OK if he was really saving and moving house was imminent and also if he were more part of family life but he can't have it both ways - treat the place like be was a paying lodger but still get family 'discount'. He is either a member of the family and contributes to that in return for a cheap home or he carries on behaving like a lodger and pays full whack.

noddyholder · 10/06/2014 13:22

£250?

Original poster
kazzawazzawoo · 10/06/2014 13:39

BigBoobiedBertha that's what dh says too. We rarely see him, as he comes in after we've gone to bed (and we don't go to bed early, usually after 11). I hate to ask him for more, feel I'm doing it for the wrong reasons. But I do want him to learn to budget, he is wasting his money at the moment. On the other hand it is his money to do as he likes with? ?

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Original poster
kazzawazzawoo · 10/06/2014 13:44

He doesn't drive yet. His paternal grandparents have put aside money for driving lessons for all grandchildren, but he isn't in touch with them. He has barely any contact with his father, my ex, and his family. He says he will call them, but hasn't done so far.

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Picturesinthefirelight · 10/06/2014 13:54

I'd say £50-70 a week would be ample to charge.

But our mortgage is only £400 a month although our bills are high (we bought at the right time)

If we had a mortgage of £700 plus like a lot of people seem to I'd want more.

Original poster
kazzawazzawoo · 10/06/2014 13:58

We didn't buy at the right time, our mortgage is £700 plus.

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mrscog · 10/06/2014 14:02

You can always take more off him but not spend it all yourself. My parents charged me 'board' despite not needing the money. They gave me half of it back when I moved out as a 'reward' for learning to budget etc. Obviously you can't do this if you need all the money, but let's say you upped his contribution to £500, could you save £100 per month for him secretly.

I'd also refer him to the MoneySavingExpert site to get money savvy. When he's 30 he'll sorely regret blowing £1200 per month on crap. If he lived really frugally for 18-24 months he'd be able to get enough of a deposit together to buy a small flat.

peggyundercrackers · 10/06/2014 14:44

hes an young adult, he should be out enjoying himself spending his money whilst he can, that's what being a young adult is about. responsibility can come later when he needs to do it. I personally wouldn't take anymore off him, I think 200 is more than enough given he cooks himself food and doesn't expect you to do any more for him.

If I did take more money from him it would be to put in a savings account and give him it back in 2 years or a set time or if it reached a certain amount of money - I always think for parents to get money from their kids is wrong even if he is earning more than you.

if you charged more are you going to declare it as earnings? that's what landlords need to do...

Theas18 · 10/06/2014 14:57

peggyunder surely it's not " earnings" if it covers 1/3 (or what ever depending on how many people) of the expenses of running the house? I would not be looking to make a profit.

Original poster
kazzawazzawoo · 10/06/2014 15:14

I think I will ask him for a quarter of the cost of things he uses, as there are 4 of us in the house, but will include the mortgage - I know he won't own the house as such with us, but one day hopefully he will inherit it or whatever house we live in, along with his siblings. And if we paid rent the cost would be about the same as the mortgage tbh. I'll include gas/electricity, water, phone, broadband, some food.

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Original poster
kazzawazzawoo · 10/06/2014 15:16

That comes to £288 before adding food, so I'll probably charge him £350 a month.

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peggyundercrackers · 10/06/2014 15:18

why would it be fair to ask for a quarter of utilities if he is hardly there and doesn't really use them?

Original poster
kazzawazzawoo · 10/06/2014 15:21

Well, he uses more electricity than we do due to playing games on the pc all night, he showers more than we do, he washes his clothes - uniform changed every day, plus tshirts and jeans, he uses the broadband more than we do ...

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KatieKaye · 10/06/2014 15:25

Because he showers, uses broadband and therefore charges his phone, laptop etc as well as using washing machine, cooker , fridge plus power and heating. If he was in a flat he'd pay his share so why not at home? It isn't as if he cannot afford to pay, because he can! Why should OP subsidise him when he earns more than she does? There's actually a good cause for paying according to your means and as he has more he could pay more. Families helping each other out should be one way.

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals · 10/06/2014 15:31

If I was your DS I'd move out.

peggyundercrackers · 10/06/2014 15:44

you seem intent on charging him more no matter what - all these things you have mentioned are small change - if he moves out you will be much worse off.

personally im with theresalotoffarmyardanimals - I would move out. hes your child fgs - your meant to help them get on in the world - not take money off them because they earn more than you. this has nothing to do with teaching him about money and what it costs to live...