That is so unfair dizietzma -I'm a divorce lawyer and so sick of the general public perception that we are a bunch of arrogant overpaid troublemaking tossers out to screw people. I wouldn't know a mason if he hit me on the face.
Divorce law is very simple and any good divorce lawyer would do his/her best to calm things down between the parties.
Basically, there are no hard or fast rules for dividing up the assets of a mrriage; lawyers try to settle matters by considering what a judge would be likely to decide if the husband and wife couldn't settle and had to go to court to get a settlement. Most divorces never go anywhere near a court; they are settled by correspondence between solicitors.
The interests of any children are the first consideration but judges are also by law obliged to consider a whole load of things such as the length of the marriage, the ages of the husband and wife, the contributions to the marriage(the wife's contribution in staying at home and looking after the kids enabling the husband to go out and earn a largeincome/pension are taken fully in to acount) inheritance prospects, etc etc etc.
The solicitors add up the value of all of the assets of the marriage, deduct the debts (provided that they are family debts and not, say, hubby's bill for new sports car he bought after you split) and that is the starting point for negotiations.
The starting point only is a 50/50 split with these factors changing it upwards or downwards.
The classic situation is where the wife is left in the family home with the children. If there is enough equity in the house to enable both husband and wife to buy somewhere new each then great but normally this is not the case and hubby has to agree to wait for his share to be released from the house by selling when the youngest child reaches 18 or 21 or if the wife dies or cohabits.
the beauty of the system(if that is the right word) is that it's no good telling your solicitor to make a ridiculous offer because any competent divorce lawyer will have a very good idea of what a judge would consider reasonable. If you make stupid offers and so force the other side to take you to court then the judge may well order you to pay the other side's costs.
anyway, I didn't want to barge in but I am sick of the same old rubbish being trotted out. I don't know any bent lawyers - we wouldn't risk our jobs after all the training and debt over one divorce. I became a lawyer to help people and I work bloody hard. It is very streessful as we are trying to help people who are at their wits' end and getting advice from everyone they know.
I should add that I earn less than my sisters, who are both nurses! Check out legal aid lawyers rates for the provinces if you don't believe me! We're not all fat cats!
toothache, I don't know anything about your story but i do know that the worst part of any divorce/separation is the beginning when you don't know what on earth you are doing or what your rights are and everyone is chipping in with their bit of advice. Take a friend with you when you see your solicitor or a pen and paper with a list of questions, so that when you leave you don't think "what was all that about?. That will help enormously. Also try to concentrate on the main isuues as at the end of the day - even if your ex is a complete prat he is still your kids' dad and you will have to have some sort of ongoing relationship with him for their sake(easier said than done, I know). I really hope that things will get better for you soon - I'm sure they will..loads of my client end up looking 10 years younger and sooooooooooo much happier.