Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Help, I have one child living with me, the other with dad. Dad is trying to claim maintenance from me.

54 replies

Hollywallaby · 15/05/2013 19:51

Dad has never paid even when children lived with me. Eldest child went to live with him a year ago. Now he wants maintenance from me. Can this happen???

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 15/05/2013 20:00

yes it can happen as your dc is living with their other parents and you should be supporting your dc just as he should be supporting his dc that lives with you.

What steps has he made to obtain maintenance?

Does he work?

leaderscorp · 16/05/2013 07:16

I think you should give your dad some maintenance since one of your child is living with him. If you don't want to give, then get your child from him to live with you.

chickensaladagain · 16/05/2013 07:19

Do you earn more than him?

chickensaladagain · 16/05/2013 07:20

And do either of you get child benefit/ tax credits?

ninja · 16/05/2013 07:21

But they have one child each, so maintenance would go both ways. I guess it depends how,much you each earn.

cherrybakewall · 16/05/2013 07:32

Yes this happened to us. DH has 2 DCs from first marriage. Originally both lived with his ex and we paid maintenance for the two. When one came to live with us we paid for one and claimed maintenance from ex for the one living with us. She was totally shocked and said she "never expected to pay". The CSA calculated that we should pay her £150 per month and she should pay us £120 so we agreed to pay her a net figure of £30. She then spent the next 12 months telling her DC that "Daddy only pays me £30 a month for you and that's not even enough for food", a comment which he repeated to friends and family everywhere ( he was about 6 at the time). After 12 months or so she took early retirement on the grounds of ill health and claimed her civil service pension ( a fact she has told us several times). She told the CSA that she was on benefits and hasn't paid a penny since. The CSA say that we have to report her for benefit fraud before they can do anything, but we don't know that she's committing fraud. She may be perfectly entitled to claim the pension and certain benefits ( she has a disability). So we get nothing. Don't be like her OP. You have a child, you should pay and so should your ex.

starsandunicorns · 16/05/2013 07:37

Yes i pay csa to my dd2 whos lives with her dad

breaktheroutine · 16/05/2013 11:20

Why on earth would you think it can't happen? Did you think only men should pay for their children?

Original poster
Hollywallaby · 16/05/2013 17:45

Ok i think I need to post more information.
First of all I didn't want my just 13 year old to go.
Secondly, I supported both my children throughout our separation and Dad paid nothing. Never has and has never paid anything to support the child that lives with me.
It seems we each pay for one child.
Yes I work and no - he appears not to be. He is inertly lazy and will avoid work at all costs. Has reckoned to be self employed which is a great way to dodge the CSA. (I tried for ever but got nowhere).
So he can claim from my salary and I can possibly claim from his benefits?
How the heck is that fair?

OP posts:
breaktheroutine · 16/05/2013 17:51

Well it may not be fair, but that's the position many nrp's have been in for years, they paying towards children yet pwc not working

lougle · 16/05/2013 18:26

Yes, he can do that. If he's not working he will be capped at £5 per week for CSA. Your CSA payment to him will be a percentage of your income.

kittycat68 · 17/05/2013 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

SavoyCabbage · 17/05/2013 10:06

Why would you not want to pay for your child?

breaktheroutine · 17/05/2013 10:08

kittycat do you also give tips to male nrp's on how not to pay for their children? Or just women?

kittycat68 · 17/05/2013 15:53

Breakthe routine: it comes from experience dealing with many cases like this , men are quite happy to tell each other this so why cant women do the same? or are you saying the men can do it but the women cant?

breaktheroutine · 17/05/2013 16:22

I don't believe I "said" either of those. I asked you a question

EverybodysStressyEyed · 17/05/2013 16:31

I think HMRC would have something to say about that plan. It's not exactly compliant with tax law

breaktheroutine · 17/05/2013 16:36

"men are quite happy to tell each other this so why cant women do the same?

So kittycat for you, it's more about women getting their own back, rather than the welfare of the child Hmm

cherrybakewall · 18/05/2013 09:59

Advocating tax evasion on MNet which is a CRIME? Seriously?

Patosshades · 18/05/2013 10:07

So the OP is getting the Mn outrage response of course you should pay for your child why wouldn't you. All the while the father of these children has never paid a penny towards either of them while the OP had both of them.

Get your self some proper advise OP, have you made a claim for maintenance from him? If not set the wheels in motion now.

breaktheroutine · 18/05/2013 10:11

The father not having paid is no reason for the mother not to pay. As we always say on mn, it's about the welfare of the child not tit for tat games among adults

GoingUpInTheWorld · 18/05/2013 10:16

Im surprised at this thread.

As you have sole care of one child each, i didnt think either of you had to pay maintenance for the other as it evens out sort of speak.

Wossname · 18/05/2013 10:19

Your ex sounds fucking awful, really sorry you have to deal with such a low person and sorry you don't have your other child living with you anymore.

It'd be one thing if he ever contributed when you had both children but to never pay maintenance at all and then have the gall to try and then claim it off you, while still not paying for the child living with you, is just disgusting isn't it? I have to believe in karma for these people.

Arisbottle · 18/05/2013 10:27

You should want both of your children to have the same standard of living , unfortunately if your ex can't or won't provide to the same standard you will have to provide the shortfall .

We had a similar scenario in which DH and I had stepson for half the week but still paid maintenance so he had the sane standard of living as our other children.

breaktheroutine · 18/05/2013 10:43

Goingup I agree with you in theory. But ive never seen that view expressed on mn when it's a mother claiming from a father in the same situation. The conversation in those cases centres around the man needing to pay more cos of x, y and z