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Original poster

Cohabiting - how do you pay "rent" to your partner when he owns the house?

106 replies

yayforspring · 21/04/2013 23:22

Hi all

Im hoping to move in with OH in about 6 months. He has just bought a house and is expecting me to contribute, and I was planning on doing so. I currently pay £540 inc rent and bills in a shared house. His mortgage on a 2 bed place is £1300 a month plus bills (prob £250). Im not sure how I should pay him. I thought initially I would just pay him £540, to keep outgoings the same for me, as its not my property. I wouldnt get a whole room to myself as such although if we were renting together I'd be paying a lot more. I would be technically paying off his mortgage, but if i dont contribute I'd have no say in things and wouldnt feel it was my home. He wants a bit more than £540, i think about £600. I wondered whether I could just pay him £540, and then pay the rest of my half of everything into a savings account for us to use in the future if we stay together (ie for the next house) so that things were really equal. Anyone else in the same situation? what is the normal thing to do?

OP posts:
MortifiedAdams · 21/04/2013 23:28

I would add up mortgage and bills then you contribute a proportion relevant to your earnings. So, for example, if the total monthly outgoings are £1500, and you earn 20k and he earns 30k then you earn two fifths of the total money coming in so should contribute two fifths of the bills.

MortifiedAdams · 21/04/2013 23:29

Which in my example wpuld be £600 from you and £900 from him.

CabbageLeaves · 21/04/2013 23:30

Erm I don't think I'd be happy to pay more to live sharing? You might love him but he's going to be saving £540 a month and you'll be paying more? I'd look at paying the same as you pay now and no more

Original poster
yayforspring · 21/04/2013 23:32

Hi thanks, but the mortgage isnt in my name, its in his. Do you think that's still fair? He earns a bit more (£56,000, i earn £40,000)... If we were renting I'd split it down the middle but this is a new situation to me

OP posts:
seeker · 21/04/2013 23:33

Is your name on the deeds?

Original poster
yayforspring · 21/04/2013 23:35

Sorry last message was for MortifiedAdams :) Yeah i think i agree with cabbageleaves.

OP posts:
Original poster
yayforspring · 21/04/2013 23:36

No my name would not be on the deeds, I'd have no share in the house

OP posts:
DeepRedBetty · 21/04/2013 23:36

Having been bitten on the bum by this in the past... why aren't you buying this together? If you love him and he loves you enough to live together, why don't you trust each other enough to share a mortgage?

seeker · 21/04/2013 23:37

Sorry- amni misunderstanding? Are you "moving in" moving in, or becoming his lodger?

Original poster
yayforspring · 21/04/2013 23:38

We have only been together 18 months, he has sold his one bed flat for a two bed flat, the idea being that we would live together in it in 6 months. I wouldnt get a mortgage with someone that I've not been with long, plus he has a lot more to invest financially. We would combine finances if we got married in the future

OP posts:
Original poster
yayforspring · 21/04/2013 23:39

I would be moving in...but contributing to the cost of things. So not a lodger exactly. if I dont contribute it wouldnt feel like it was my home, I would feel like a bit of a freeloader...

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 21/04/2013 23:40

Oh well, I suppose I did say this was a whole other thread! I think the advice you had on your last one was good though (apols if mistaken but your situation is identical).

It's not your house and paying towards his mortgage doesn't make it so, unless you get your name on the deeds. You can do so with an agreement as tenants in common, specifying how much each owns.

Whether it feels like your home is all about his attitude and your relationship, not money.

You can't rent a room someone is already occupying. You'd be paying him to share his bed. How do you feel about that?

What's normal will vary hugely. When I moved in with DP we split bills but I did not countenance contributing towards his mortgage. His house, his mortgage. He'd bought the house knowing he could pay it. The idea of adding that sort of financial complication before we'd fully pooled our resources would have seemed bonkers. We planned to buy together fairly soon, actually took longer because of the housing market, two years, before doing so but that was fine.

Can your OH afford the mortgage without your contribution? If not, would he be able to take on a lodger if you weren't there? If not, he can't afford the house and your are in effect buying it together.

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni · 21/04/2013 23:40

What has he suggested?
Personally I would not pay mortgage at this point - split all bills (other than his mobile/personal use things) and then offer similar to what you pay now.

AuntPittypat · 21/04/2013 23:40

I paid half of my OH's mortgage payment when we moved in together. But that worked out as less than my previous rent, and my OH and I earned exactly the same, so it was a fairly straightforward decision. We split all bills 50/50 but he paid for any home improvements. After about 6 months we realised that we were definitely staying together for the long term so started paying all our wages into a joint account and taking the same 'personal allowance' out each month for personal stuff.

In your position I guess I'd think about each of your income... I.e. should you be paying roughly the same proportion of your monthly income towards rent/mortgage. Or, if you do see yourself as a solid, 'long term' couple then maybe consider putting both your wages into a joint account for all bills to come out of, some into savings and then splitting what's left 50/50 into your personal accounts.

WTFisABooyhoo · 21/04/2013 23:41

i wouldn't be happy to pay rent to a partner on a house that was solely theirs. it isn't the same as renting from a LL as you would have no rights if he turfed you out.

get your name on the deeds or get a joint mortgage. unless you are just 'trialling' the relationship by moving in? in which case i would suggest he holds off on getting a mortgage and you both rent a place together with a 6 month tenancy.

NumTumDeDum · 21/04/2013 23:48

I think you ought to have a consultation with a solicitor who specialises in cohabitation. In certain circumstances you may acquire an interest in a property if you cobtribute financially which clearly you would be. It is not automatic by any means and should bot be relied upon without proper advice. It is inequitable that you should help to pay a mortgage without acquiring an interest. It is possible to enter into a cohabitation deed setting out this sort of thing very clearly. You cannot be too careful here, and a couple of hundred to prevent legal proceedings down the road would be money well spent in my view.

lottiegarbanzo · 21/04/2013 23:50

So, as before, my advice is split bills and put your saved rent money into savings, so, when you marry / commit long term, it can go towards the equity on what will then be the marital / jointly owned (if you alter deeds and establish TiC agreement) home. If that doesn't come about, you have a deposit of your own.

Original poster
yayforspring · 21/04/2013 23:51

He can afford the mortgage without my contribution at the moment but interest rates might go up and then he would get a lodger. He actually may get a lodger now for 6 months. No we are not at the stage of sharing finances yet, its very early days, having just seen my sister go through hell getting out of a long term relationship with house and joint finances its not something I'd do until I was married or engaged. However I have lived with someone in the past that it didnt work out with so I want to live with him before we are at the marriage stage. My rent is currently £400 plus £140 bills, based on what you say I am tempted to offer £400 contribution plus half bills, or just a lump sum of £540, something like that.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 21/04/2013 23:51

I wouldn't. I'd get an cohabitation agreement in place with a solicitor.

Original poster
yayforspring · 21/04/2013 23:56

Lottie I did ask him about that and he didnt think that was fair. When I spoke to my sister she also didnt think it was fair really, because technically I could break up with him, and then I would have lived with him for free all that time (other than bills).
I did look into cohabitation agreements but they seem to be more for the benefit of the home owner, to confirm that the partner who does not own has no share in the property at all. So it wouldnt really help me particularly. What I would want is to be a tennant in common but he doesnt want me to be involved in the mortgage at all yet. also the percentage of the property I would own would be very small...I wouldnt be paying the stamp duty and solicitor fees that he is paying, etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
yayforspring · 21/04/2013 23:57

He has suggested that I just pay him a lump sum, I guess it would be a similar amount that he would ask from a friend renting out his second room, i.e about £600. So it would be a £600/£900 split

OP posts:
Thistledew · 21/04/2013 23:58

When DP and I moved in together, I saw the important thing as being us trialling a relationship living together. He was earning slightly more than me (but not much) and we split the bills and the cost of the mortgage 50/50.

It was my flat and he moved in with me.

I paid for expenses related to the upkeep of the property, but with regards to the cost of keeping the roof over our heads and the bills paid, I saw it that we had an equal commitment to the lifestyle we wanted to lead together.

To me, the non owning partner paying a lesser share is a bit like them keeping one foot out of the door, and having a financial escape plan already in place. You either commit fully and financially to the relationship or you don't. Yes, the non-owning partner takes a bit of a financial risk, but no more so than the emotional one you take on when living together for the first time.

I can see merit in the suggestion that you divide the cost proportionately according to your respective incomes, but otherwise you should contribute equally to your relationship.

expatinscotland · 22/04/2013 00:00

' What I would want is to be a tennant in common but he doesnt want me to be involved in the mortgage at all yet. also the percentage of the property I would own would be very small...I wouldnt be paying the stamp duty and solicitor fees that he is paying, etc.'

I think I'd delay moving in until the two of you are truly ready to go the whole hog, tbh.

augustrain · 22/04/2013 00:01

I wouldn't consider moving in with someone under this arrangement. If I was with a man who wasn't at the stage of sharing finances, then I simply wouldn't think we were at the stage of moving in. You are starting from a position of being financially weaker and less secure in the relationship than him, and that is likely to continue even if it develops to marriage. Set the boundaries now and it will be clearer to both of you that you're undertaking responsibility for each other if you unexpectedly fall pg, face redundancy or illness.

What would he do if you were made redundant and couldn't pay your share? You wouldn't be able to claim anything if you were co-habiting as legally your partner would be expected to support you. Would he expect you to leave so that he could get a lodger?

Purplemonster · 22/04/2013 00:02

I pay half the 'rent' (slightly complicated in that the house is owned by boyfriends parents so it's like a mortgage but he's effectively buying it from them not the bank) it happened to work out the same as what I was paying before. He pays the bills but I buy most of the food, he pays for any home improvement things like tiles/patio slabs etc since it is his house. If we split up I would have no right to the house but see what I pay as rent so no loss there. We didn't end up splitting bills as well as he warns more than me anyway. Not sure how its all going to work now we're having a baby and I'm losing my income but it had worked ok for the past two years!