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Original poster

Pressing charges for rape, pt 2

51 replies

JustThinking · 04/05/2006 01:43

For some reason I can't add to the original..

Well I've just had some more news (not literally right this second, but yesterday).

The pc in charge has thoroughly checked this out and, because i'm over 16 and because it happened in another country, it has to go to trial there (i.e. not here). Pc guy was going to tell them today to, basically, come over here and arrest him and not to pass it on to them as they can't actually do anything.

Things seem to be going from bad to worse, the flashbacks are back too, despite over a month 'break' (I was still getting nightmares).

I really don't know what to do. Part of me really wants him to pay for what he did to me and to stop it happening to someone else, but, and it is a big but, I don't think I can do it. To have to see him is one thing, to have to talk about it is yet another, but to have to go back to where it happened is another situation all together. I'm holding on to the fact he might plead guilty given the evidence against him but let's face it, what kind of bloke would do that??

Help!

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Original poster
JustThinking · 04/05/2006 01:44

Original \link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=2230&threadid=79789&stamp=060317123304\here}

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nightowl · 04/05/2006 01:56

jt, it must be awful, sorry to hear this Sad. will you have to see him? my friend went to court for something much less (someone exposed himself to her) but she didnt have to see him in court. is it different abroad?

suzywong · 04/05/2006 05:42

oh no, you poor thing, what a dilema Sad

AussieSim · 04/05/2006 06:18

In a domestic abuse case I was a victim in quite a few years ago now, I persuaded my exbf to plead guilty. I think mostly by saying well you know it happened so how can you say it didn't plus I think he was really scared that his family and friends would find out about it, and as far as I know they never did. It turned out that once he go to court that he had previously been convicted of assault which I didn't know about, but I guess it might have gone harder for him if he had been a bastard about it. Anyway, maybe your attacker would have similar issues/motivations for pleading guilty. HTH

fairyfly · 04/05/2006 06:33

I doubt many men plead guilty.

I think the point is they push them into corners and catch them out.

That is why the court case is so harrowing.

I think it wont be easy but you are half way there and i know i would have regretted backing out. Even if it came to nothing. The only way i moved on mentally was by pushing on with it.

When i first reported it the cia made me very aware it wasn't going to be easy. They almost sounded as if they wanted me not to persue it. They were just seeing if i was tough enough because you have to be 100 percent. otherwise thewy will tear you to peices.

It amazes me this case, the police are constantly asking you to backdown. You have already come to the decisions and shouldn't have to keep reiterating what you want to happen.

Have you got a victim support offivcer, they vcan help you with the emotions of being scared and not knowing what to do. You really need someone porofessional helping you carry this.

As for nightmares, i think iuntil you get somewhere with this, or until you close the case and the police stop communicating with you then they you are going to have it at the forefront of your mind.

The only time i have been kept awake recently was when i recieved a letter. I was forced to think about it.

You will feel better one day but you really need some closure with this. They are putting you through mental torture. I'd seriously think about making a complaint.

Original poster
JustThinking · 04/05/2006 22:32

I was told that I will have to see him.

I can't imagine that he's actually going to plead guilty, not when the conviction rate is something like 6% (altho to be fair that is here).

I have/had a sato which stood for something like sexual assualt something officer. I do feel let down but he has been apologetic and has explained that he's (sadly) very busy with similar cases.

Oh and the holiday company now knows.

I think I have to keep going with it, I suppose I have to see it through now, I'm actually quite scared about seeing him which is a bit crap. I also hate the feeling that I have the power to fck up his life. Shock I am 100% sure that it was his fault, I know I said no*, just not 100% sure I can do the trial thing, esp there.

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dinosaure · 04/05/2006 22:36

JT, I haven't been in a directly comparable situation, but Fairyfly's post makes a lot of sense - about seeking closure.

Piffle · 04/05/2006 22:37

JT ((hugs honey))
I really hope you have the strength to see it through, it will give you a finality and I speak as someone who never reported a rape and it really eats me up worrying that he might have done it again and I wish I had known what I know now.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yorkiegirl · 04/05/2006 22:41

HI JT
I'm here if you need me. You have my home number I think? Ring me if you want to chat

marthamoo · 04/05/2006 22:45

JT, I am so sorry - this seems to have gone on for ever and still no end in sight. I have no great wisdom on this but whatever you decide to do - even if that decision is to let it go - you are still bloody brave and you have my utmost respect. I think you should listen to people like ff and piffle who, sadly, have been there - and try (God it must be so hard) to do what will give you peace of mind in the long run. (((HUGS))), hon.

ItalianJob · 05/05/2006 08:46

you don't know how you will feel a year or so down the line - if the whole matter is only just now being passed back to the local police, then it sounds unlikely that the trial date will be very soon. hopefully you will feel in a stronger position by then. can you get back in touch with your local rape crisis - maybe they will have some idea as to what happens with cases in different countries. I would have hoped that other countries would be similar to UK - use of videos/screens etc.

best wishes

Original poster
JustThinking · 18/08/2006 23:31

Message withdrawn

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 18/08/2006 23:41

Good for you. You have been so brave. It may be difficult and traumatic, but I know you would have regretted more had you not followed this through. Its absolutely the right thing to do.

xxxx

Original poster
JustThinking · 18/08/2006 23:48

Message withdrawn

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Perigrine · 18/08/2006 23:54

JT,

You are incredibly brave, I wish I had your courage, coz my dad raped me and I did nothing about it. 20 years on I still wish I had your courage.

Keep being brave!!!!!

SaintGeorgeMarple · 18/08/2006 23:56

You've kept going for all this time JT, that shows how brave you are.

The justice system in this country is just too bloody slow.

xx

Original poster
JustThinking · 19/08/2006 00:04

Message withdrawn

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/08/2006 00:07

perigrine.

There are lots of us hear to listen and understand if you want to talk.

xxx

JT - you are doing so well. xxx

Perigrine · 19/08/2006 00:13

No really. 99.9% of the time I'm fine.

I had really good counselling after the birth of DS, which makes my realise I had crap counselling before.

And in both cases, counselling was triggered by the birthes, ie I would kill for my children and how did he manage to hurt me instead of care for me

But he lives in SA and I live here so contact is minimal so I can control it, and I just didn't have the guts to dgo through it!

YOU GO GIRL -

myturn · 19/08/2006 01:23

My heart goes out to anyone who has gone through this - you are all so incredibly brave. Have no advice but couldn't not post and say well done JT for seeing this through. I really hope this brings you the closure you need and so thoroughly deserve. x

zippitippitoes · 19/08/2006 09:11

I've been wondering whether there had been any progress, I missed the May update and didn't like to resuscitate if there was no progress or perhaps you had withdrawn.

I'm sorry you are still going through this, but your determination will help you, I'm sure.

Anything you need to make it any easier for you to go through the court case please ask.

xxx (lemon ice)

colette · 19/08/2006 09:44

Have been wondering how you are . It sounds as if you have been on a bit of a rollercoaster!
I agree with piffle that I think it will help you to bring it to a conclusion, you are doing really well . Sending you lots of hugs. Have a good weekend - be bit self indulgent

Original poster
justthinking · 26/01/2007 23:12

Message withdrawn

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Califrau · 26/01/2007 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
justthinking · 26/01/2007 23:35

Message withdrawn

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