Splitting up and money

[BrittaPerry]

Ok...so, we are splitting up. I need to move away. He might move to the town I am moving to, he might not. I want to know where I stand before I talk to him about money.

Does anyone know what happens with these things? Both if he stays and if he leaves?

We have three months left on the contract for our house (£595 a month)

We owe the council £700 (miscalculation of benefits over the last couple of years)

Gas and electricity

Water

Tv licence

Virgin media

I have a £800 debt in my name that we both ran up - presumably that is just my problem?

We have £500 savings

Tax credits?

We are not rich - he earns £130 a week, I earn varying amounts, but £50 a week is an optimistic estimate at the moment. I would be claiming housing benefit in my new place, we have a joint claim atm.

We can probably each stay with our respective parents but to be honest I am much more likely than him to do that as my parents house is set up in a more suitable manner.

Personal debts are personal debts. Joint debts are joint. Bills and so forth are something you have to negotiate between you and reach a settlement that, ideally, you're both happy with as part of your divorce (or separation if you're not married). You may benefit from talking to CAB and asking their advice. They offer a free debt advisory service and can be helpful with legal matters.

Are you married or not?
How many children and what ages?
Both matter!

We are married, and the dds are 5 and 3. We've been married two years.

For now, I've told him I will pay rent and bills on our house, even though I don't live there. He can keep his wages and itis up to him to claim working tax credits etc if he wants to. I'm staying with my parents for now and have put in an income support claim as well as a single mum tax credits claim.

Within the next three months I will want to find my own place, so he will need to start paying his own bills so I can save deposit and so on.

I'll sort out maintenance then as well. I've said I will take the kids to stay with him once a month and pay for his ticket to come and see them and stay at mine (when I have myiwn place, and I will just lock my bedroom and clear off for a couple of days). His wages mean he needs to pay me £16-20 a week, and the train costs about £40 return fir an adult and slightly less for an adult and a child (railcard) if it is booked in advance. I will alo be learning to drive.

Once you've made all these agreements between you, probably best to start talking to solicitors and get everything formalised as part of a divorce. Couples are often quite cooperative initially but, as time wears on and there are other calls on their money/time, verbal agreements can get forgotten when convenient.

Well, currently he is hardly talking to me, except through text, and when I make a practical suggestion, he accuses me of have it 'all worked out' . As if I would just up and leave him and just sit there wondering what will happen...

I have said that I need a few months to get my head straight, then I ill ink about if I want to give it another try, but I've told him that in the meantime he is single and He might have his own life by then and not want me back anyway.

He is really controlling, and I think me leaving has shocked him despite me having talked about it for ages.

I would have thought there isn't enough money involved for it even to be possible to legally agree. He is also threatening to move to a different country (hong kong) but I'm pretty sure he is just trying to mKe me come back to him.

Sigh.

It doesn't really matter about the size of the pot. What matters is that, if he says he'll pay £20/week and take care of the children on particular days etc that it is written down somewhere rather than just a promise. You'll need to formalise the divorce at some stage and, if we're talking about a controlling person who is already threatening to make life difficult and stop paying maintenance etc, it's particularly important to have them legally bound.

Some solicitors offer a free half-hour consultation in which time you can find out quite a lot. Never hurts to have the knowledge, even if you don't use it straight away.