Can we have a nice, kind supportive gowd we are in so much debt type thread?

[grumpypants]

One where we can just be noice and not scathing? I am just always doing little sums in my head, about when things will be cleared, etc. We have sooo much debt. Interest only mortgage, can't afford repayment at the mo. Credit card - bought rubbish house, paid for work with 'real' money, living expenses on cards. Loan, car loan, overdraft etc. It's about £35k unsecured. We pay 1,000 each month in debt. I am so shocked by how this happened, but there are no expensive shoes peeking out the wardrobe; it's a combo of poor choice, me giving up work due to ill child, and the house falling apart just after we moved in...anyone else? I am trying so hard to cut down, and to pay stuff off - one day I really want to enjoy the money dh and I earn.

Hello marje45

I'm really sorry to hear about your problems. I just stumbled on your post whilst browsing around and wanted to come back to you.

As well as your financial worries (which sound like problem enough), your hubbie's attitude and unwillingness to address the issue, also sound like they are adding to your worries and stress/depression.

Have you thought of a call line like the Samaritans, just to get things off your chest with a non-judgemental person who will just listen to you and let you vent / cry / talk / stress? Sometimes, like the old saying goes, just talking about a problem, can make it seem just a tiny bit better (or not quite so bad). If your husband doesn't want even to talk about it, maybe you just need someone at the other end of the line whom you can talk to? Or family or friends? Or one of the debt organisations, they might have helplines?

It sounds like you want to get on and deal with the money problems, which is probably half the battle. But it sounds like your husband's attitude is a second issue, so really there are two major problems going on in your life - the debts and then your husband's attitude and maybe your relationship? No doubt all the money worries have not helped on that front.

I hope you can find someone to talk to and get through all the issues and get your life where you want it.

best of luck, x

The Consumer Credit Counselling Service (CCCS) provides an online, confidential debt remedy service to help you deal with debts as well as the stress and depression that accompany money problems - see the link. I think you fill in the questions and then they come back to you with a consultation.

www.cccs.co.uk/Services/Debtadvice/Dealingwithdebtstress

They also have a free telephone helpline open from 8am to 8pm Monday to Friday and 9am to 2pm on Saturday. Tel. 0800 138 1111

Sorry link didn't work - trying again. If doesn't work, you can see website address.

www.cccs.co.uk/Services/Debtadvice/Dealingwithdebtstress.aspx

Hi Marje45

Ok first things first (and what I did a couple of weeks ago) list everything you owe, to who, and what the interest rate is for it and what you are paying off per month, Then get over to money saving expert and do the minimum repayment calculator.

You need to work out where the money is going? is it you or DH spending? and what on? is it lunches everyday, is it takeaways (my downfall) or clothes etc.

Can you look at selling some additional things, and paying the money off stuff to clear.

Avoid the payday loans if you can as they are stupid interest and look at interest free cards (we've just got the 0% for 20 months Natwest Platinum card).

How are you today?

Hi marge and all. The difficulty is sometimes that you can't do much about it and its living with the repayments. I don't mean to sound defeatisit but maybe for marge part of the issue is having nothing to do ie being powerless and having to watch the pennies All the time? I don't mean don't look at cutting down if you haven't, obviously! But there comes a point where you are down to basics.
The stress is really hard; dh and I hardly speak sometimes, like marge he feels I am criticisng him for not earning more.
I am lucky; I have a rl friend in the same boat and we can chat.

Thank you all for your suggestions.

I find money saving expert a really useful website and have used their minimum payments calculator. I would certainly avoid payday loans but am not sure whether we would be allowed another credit card as we have so much credit card debt already.

As grumpypants said a lot of it is that I am having to watch the pennies all the time and my husband does feel that I am criticising him for not earning more.

The debts are going down (very slowly) but being debt free seems to be such a long way away and it is living with the stress of it that I am finding difficult.

It is good to talk with people who understand.

Argh, so annoyed, my pay got messed up at work and I've been overpaid, and with that plus a bonus I'm straddling the higher tax bracket so paid over 3 x more tax this month than last, I'm just annoyed because I had earmarked lots of it to go off a credit card! Oh well tax office said next month as no bonus, it will drop right down and I will get the additional back from this month (so will have to pay it off then). Overpayment not that easy, it will mean if they don't take it all before the end of next month (over £500) I will have to claim my tax back from them.

Anyway off to the bank tonight, to get a loan to wipe out one card, it works out cheaper and on snowballing it was the last card we'd touch so going to make a start getting rid of it now.

How are you all doing?

Ive got £1,370 pounds in my student overdraft.
I've got one year to to, and I'm really mad at myself, i'd nearly paid the whole bloody thing off, but then spent it, so I'm back to square one.

Mine, is shoes, clothes, handbags and expensive make-up + baby stuff
I'm going to try really hard to either pay it off by September or Save up between £1,000 - £2,000 for my house next year! GRRRR!

Hi all - kate - at least you have a plan....mad how bloody annoying. Keep om at hmrc they seem to mess up a lot. I am extraordinarily pleased that I have paid off and cancelled my tiny overdraft this month. Am also going to use my last few months of cb to pay lumps off my cc. One of them. Dh and I both suPerstrerssed about it all. Last night awful; I found out hed used his cc for petrol altho he had had 650 at the start of the month for this. Can't believe it costs so much. So he was angry at me for being suspicious and then was really horrible making digs while we had friends round. His money stress seems to make him intolerant of everything.

Awww grumpy well done on your overdraft, it seems so good when you do something positive. Sounds tough with DH, I was really stressed about speaking to mine, but he was suprisingly calm when I did. Can you maybe get a prepaid visa card? at the start of the month, I don't know much about them, but then give that to DH instead of his Credit card? Can he car share with anyone either?

Hi kate - Can you maybe sell some of the more expensive items if you don't use them anymore? then clear some of it that way?
Don't be too down, as grumpy said at least you have a plan.

My very very very very lovely boss has said because the overpayment was HR error and we had both been chasing, I can keep the additional money because I'd done the hours anyway with being on 3 work trips this month, so actually got a bit more to pay off stuff this month - I'm now paying £1500 of a credit card this month, so I'm pleased about that, and solves the issue of chasing HMRC. Bad month for things like car tax, house insurance etc though, but should be ok.

I'm please everyone on here is supportive.

Wow - how fantastic mad what a relief!
DH and I had a chat last night, and he is very down about it - earning a lot, but not able to enjoy any of it (i mean, we don't do meals our with the kids, think hard about buying them shoes etc) - i really need some good news.

My big thing is the mortgage. If we were paying that I would feel so much better. But it would be 1900 pcm not 1300 pcm to add repayment back again. Argh.

I know just what you mean grumpypants. My husband feels just the same. He also earns a lot but we never get to enjoy.

We too are on an interest only mortgage and can not afford to switch to a repayment. We are hoping that once the children have finished school we will then be able to remortgage onto a repayment but then we will only have about 17 years to retirement and need to put money away into pensions as well ...

It feels never ending. By the way what age are your kids are they at an expensive stage?

I have two teenagers, one who is coming up to 17 and of course wants to learn to drive...Argh

I do make an average amount of money selling things on ebay, but thats the money I've been living off, i work as an intern, so its unpaid, and I'm hoping to get a job after I've finished, and save as much as i can, but i get a bit more loan next year, so I'm going to put it into that, because i will need extra cash for my final collection.

and, sadly no, i love my designer handbag's too much to sell them, and i, being very good this week, so hopefully i'll be able to either save/pay off overdraft between £50-100's this week!

hi marje its kind of a relief to be able to talk about this stuff! i have got to scrape together 300 quid as the washing machine has packed up. This is the kind of depressing stuff that makes me not care anymore - trying to be really 'good' and yet this happens. oh well.

Oh god this is so reassuring to know we're not the only ones!! We've got way too much unsecured debt, mainly because of a failed business & a lack of living in the real world after I stopped work with child #3. We have a lot of money coming in, but it all seems to get swallowed up & never enough left to pay anything but the minimum payments off the debts. We are making a bit of progress, but that's going to change as I'm leaving my job soon because it's so unbearably awful & I'm finding it just too much trying to fit around all the kids too - DH has very demanding job, so never around to help with the practicalities!

I just don't know what to do, I guess after all our bills etc we'll have about £1500 for food, diesel, train ticket etc..... it never seems to be enough? We're not extravagant, but just don't seem to be able to make any real headway, am looking for another job, but we're thinking about selling the house to pay everything off & start again, trouble is we wouldn't have much left for a deposit & I can't help but feel guilty about not providing the kids with a "home". WWYD - sell the house & end up with maybe 20-30k equity or keep the house & the debts & try & pay them off slowly? :-(

I can really relate to that Grumpy pants our washing machine broke just before christmas and like you we had to scape together £300 for a new one.

Have had a really crap day today, suggested switching to nhs dentist to reduce costs - and hubby made a comment about me finding a better paid job.

Thought this was a bit below the belt as am working full time already and have just been promoted and I had a 7 year career break when the children were young and have supported him in his career. When we were first together I brought in 3 times as much as he did plus I put in my inheritance as a deposit on the house we have now, so I kind of feel I put in my share.

Any tips on how to pick yourself up when you feel really low?

Am currently having visions of my husband walking out on me and leaving me without a penny if I say anything to upset him. Sounds a bit dramatic I know but am not in a good place at the moment.

marge and make hi. I totally get the snide comment thing, I think dh does it cos he feels bad about not providing and undervalued (career break for me here too). Also taken on extra hours. I make myself feel better thro the use of excel - I list the outgoings each month, tick them off, and feel good on spend free days. Tbh its more about not feeling worse, so no impulse buying. Nice icecream and a glass of wine at six pm often!

Start of the month update; have done a jt anniversary and birthday present for dh; and my relatives have contribted. Actually better than spending loads of bits of money, and adding more tat iyswim? We are in the final countdown to paying off the car loan, so we will (hopefully) be 300 better off next month. So, feeling slightly better which is weird as dh is very depressed by it all.

Hello again everyone

We're rumbling along OK ATM. This has been a good weekend:

DH got a tip in foreign currency - I took it to the post office to change it into GBP... It was £75 !!! Today MIL gave us £30 - she had bought DD a pair of shoes before Xmas that had to be sent back. She'd finally received the refund and gave me the cash today. How lovely is that?

Oh oh oh also quidco paid us for switching energy suppliers!

So We're £190 better off than we were 48hrs ago.

I have now committed to a bit more childcare once a week though. DD will use the remainder of her EYFS (3hrs), but I'll have to pay for DS - think this will be about £15pw.

The DCs have been driving me insane recently. DH works opposite shifts to me so I feel overwhelmed. I'm trying to come off ADs too. It'll only be until September until DD starts school, and I'll change me working hours. Hopefully it'll be money well spent for me sanity.

Just to recap since the new year:

1. Have Ebayed tonnes of stuff
2. switched energy suppliers via quidco
3. Cancelled sky
4. I don't drink alcohol during the week (and rarely at weekends)
5. We now withdraw £140 cash each week and buy food/fuel etc with that.

Things to look forward to:

1. DH's loan for his eye lasering finishes next month.

Think that's all for now!

Hello everyone,

Well, my vow not to use amazon to buy anything in march has failed miserably I needed a washing line and prop (trying to cut down my TD use!) and to be fair I did buy it with money I got from selling old dvds etc but instead of money in my purse, its money back to amazon!!! sigh.

Dh and I are going to look at the house ins and car ins but tbh I think we are on the cheapest ones. We are also transferring the CC (£3,500k balance I think) to a 0% balance transfer deal with virgin money...only 1.99% fee and 20 months interest free! This should give us some breathing space to pay it off by the end of the 20 months and know we arent being charged a fortune in interest. We need to put some money into savings and I would rather pay the minimum off the CC for a year or so to help us do that IYSWIM?

Really want to get a new oven before ours breaks (inherited with new house and not great) and am thinking now might be the time to get one on the CC and not pay any interest on it???? WWYD?

Hmmm not sure I would add to any existng debt but an oven is essential. Really glad to hear some chirpy voices this month. We have put money (well, allocated the overdraft) aside for things like food and road tax - hopefully we won't use the cc this month. smacka you are v inspirational re ebay! .......

Aw thanks. I wouldn't want to do it all the time, but it was worth it.

Becaroo - will your oven last 20 months? I think your answer will be there. Look for reconditioned? Sale oven?

Not sure smacka I had to throw some food away last night as I just didnt think it was cooked properly - despite cooking it for longer than recommended and a slightly higher heat

Am trying to find a cheap one - I think if I can get one for £300 ish we will go for it...not ideal but at least it will be interest free!!!

I never seem to do very well on e bay - I will have some boys clothes soon (and things like boys crocs) for sale...might try again!

We changed our oven as it had died (timer was electronic, wouldn't work, no over ride facility, had it repaired etc) so we bought a single oven which was cheaper?

Has to be a double one unfortunately as it has to fit an apperture already there