ttc after placental abruption

[sayitwithsam]

Arrggghhhhh!!!!!! Another month gone and I still haven't had a strong positive on the OPK. My period was 35 days last month and 33 this month.
I'm worried that I'm not ovulating every cycle and that's why it took over a year to get pregnant the first time. My GP said not to worry about it though, that it will happen when it happens. It's so easy to be blase when you're not the person desperate for a baby.
I spent most of yesterday in fits of tears. I thought I'd never stop. It's been like this on the first day of all my periods since losing my baby. I feel like it's all happening again and I'm back in that hospital room.
It's my brother-in-laws wedding in October and I should be there with my little boy, showing him his new family and beaming with pride but now I'll be surrounded by all these people giving me sympathetic smiles and whispering behind my back.
Everyone keeps saying I will get my baby which makes me feel like they don't think my boy was real, or that he didn't matter. It has to get better than this doesn't it?
I want to be pregnant again so badly but I worry like mad that if I do I'll be expecting the same baby I lost. Has anyone else felt like this?

Yes I did cut out wheat for a while but as I'm sure you found, being vegetarian AND not eating wheat can leave very little to eat when out and about. I've cut out mushrooms which I love but give me such bad pain it's not worth it. I can only have small amounts of pasta and NEVER combine it with bread. I've been doing some research before coming on here tonight to see if my diet can alter the amount I bleed and clot during periods. I eat wheetabix every day but I'm going back to have fortified cereal twice a day and then one main meal. I found something called manuka honey which apparently has huge health benefits. I'm going to keep eating the fish but there's no way I could tackle liver! I don't drink, have never smoked or taken drugs so not sure what else I can do.

I know you're going to be so scared through this pregnancy and there's no avoiding it. I have nightmares all the time about bleeding since the placental abruption. The night before my AF came early I dreamed I was vomiting blood in the hospital and the nurses turned to each other and said, she's had it leave her. I woke up seconds later but in that dream I thought that was it. The horrendous memories will never go away but the hope for the future still outweighs the fears. Pain is part of life. I'm hoping with everything I've got that you get to bring your baby home safe and sound this time.

Hi, how's it going? My life is like a very bad soap opera at the moment so talking to some normal human beings for a change would be nice.

God symptom spotting...every month I think I will not look on the internet and every month I give in (about one minute after my vow).
Good news on the work front. And from your previous post, I totally understand you not wanting to get things before you have the baby in your arms. I will be doing the same.
Wanna hear my soap? Well the bad luck run seems to have started about 7 years ago (I met my DH then so it's probably more that the bad luck started for him!). My parents were made redundant and then sold the family home to move to Spain. My dad found out the sore throat the gp said he'd had for over a year was actually cancer but the sale had already gone through so they lived in my sisters tiny spare room while he had chemo. I had to move into a shared house and they went to Spain when he was in remission but I couldn't because I was in the second year of my degree. I missed them like mad, lived in lots of really grotty places, got burgled in Canterbury, and had my jewellery stolen including my mums engagement ring that she gave me early so she could see me enjoy it. DH got mugged.. then things plodded along ok for a while and after five years I married my DH which was a wonderful day and the last time my family were all together, two months later my sister died in her sleep (she was 34), tried for my baby for over a year but the gp said the stress was probably making it difficult, got my BFP whilst renting a house in what looked like a nice area but actually had neighbours from hell who decided my DH and I were posh (they'd never even spoken to us) and threw bricks at our house and at us whenever we went in the garden, oh and smashed our car. After nearly six months of begging the agents to let us leave, the landlord took £1000 from us for the inconvenience (we had to organise all the viewings and he got even more money from them) and tried to keep our deposit even though we had 100% positive checkout report so we had to go through the legal route. Moved to our lovely little cottage and the heavy bleeds started, lost my baby in March. Have nightmares about bleeding to death or about my sister coming back to tell me it was all a mistake and she didn't really die.
Now I know there are tons of people out there who have had far far worse happen, I've read loads on here. But I think I will still see if the tv people are interested

I look at them now and then and never get through without crying. We had a chocolate theme and guests were to dress with that colour theme. My sister however decided to wear a burnt orange dress, killer heels and bag. I was not impressed, especially as when I got to the ceremony in my finery the registrar said to em "is the lady in the orange your sister? She looks amazing...oh and you look very nice too". I told her boyfriend this at the reception and he laughed and said have you told her, she'll love that. And she did. I'm so glad she did the bid sister defying thing on that day because she shines out in every photo. It's like she knew somehow and was saying, you will not forget me. I do miss her like crazy. She was the one I would go to for advice when the rest of my family were driving me nuts. I feel very lost without her and her big bear hugs.
Dads doing alright, he's been in remission for a few years now. We all really needed the joy of a baby in our lives so it was crushing to everyone when we lost him. It's what makes the resentment I feel now everyone expects me to get over it and cook up another baby asap so strong.
I've been looking at well woman clinics. The Marie Stopes one costs £165 and I don't have any spare money right now. I'm hoping my GP surgery or hospital will be able to offer me the tests. I'm sure I saw a poster up about it when I was pregnant. Time to brave the waiting room again.
I think I may have broken several mirrors because it's actually more like seven and a half years now with no signs of stopping!
So you know the joy of a neighbour from hell. What happened?

I had my first very clear positive on the opk. I had it for two days and its gone back to negative this morning (much to the relief if my poor exhausted hubby). I'm not sure what's going on with my body temps though because they go wildly up and down most days.

Yep, I tried mixing it up a bit!

I bet you cried! Oh well done, glad the little one is hanging on in there. I was thinking about my pregnancy today, it seems like it was years ago now but I remember how long every single week felt. I wish we'd evolved to have a shorter gestation period!

I've been doing my chart this morning and my temps are often much lower than they should be. So much so that it's not even on the chart I downloaded.

Despite working our bums off for the past two weeks we have had plenty of bedroom action so I'm still hopeful!

I meant I tried out a new name but didn't like it by the way...just in case you thought I was being a bit psycho.

How's it going? I went out for a lovely anniversary meal yesterday and was stuck to the loo most of the night! That will teach me to go trying new things.

God, the maternity bras. I only got a few weeks wear out of mine last time. They are not the most beautiful things but they are so comfy!
Glad your midwife is taking extra care of you. Are they scanning for every possible thing this time then?
I'm not hopeful this month. The last two I was sure I was pregnant and wasn't. I had backache and tummy cramps yesterday so I believe old flow will be here any day now, the bitch!
Got to my mums yesterday and she couldn't wait to tell me my older brothers wife is pregnant again. This will be his 6th child. I nearly burst out crying, it was so stupid. I just felt really really angry and jealous that he has so many children and I didn't get to keep my one. I don't know why I can't be happy for him, I'm happy for you and we've never even met. Maybe it's because he has never lost one. It seems so easy for everyone else but our babies will be all the more adored for the pain it took to get them.

Woke my self up from crying in my dream this morning. It was about my sister again and I was hugging her in tears saying how much I'd missed her. It will be two years next month that she died. I've been bursting into tears since then and I need to go to the post office! My period must be coming any day now for me to be this bad. Oh God, am I always going to be like this?

Well that's the thing isn't it. I have been obsessing about possible 'signs' of pregnancy the past few months but when I was pregnant I didn't know for ages because I was certain my period was on it's way for two weeks! I've felt totally rubbish today; headache, weepy, gassy, tired and stretching sensation in my hips. Could be pregnant, could be coming on any day.
I think you're right, I just miss my big sis like mad and wish I could have one of her bear hugs. I feel really lost without her. I never thought I could miss being someone's little squitz (her name for me).
I know you must be scared, it must be so hard. But you have goals, once your past this weekend you're further than last time. And you also know that you didn't do anything wrong so it's not like you can change what will happen. I've given up with all the books and websites telling me why miscarriages happen. If it's all to be believed, then frankly it's amazing any of us are here!
Five more days until the latest date I've every had my period come. Trepid visits to the loo ahead.

I'm also wishing this weekend away. I am due on tomorrow and have had strong cramps for two days now. Yesterday there were two tiny bright red spots of blood in my cm. I felt so drained of hope after that I want straight to bed and slept through until this morning (that was 8pm-8am!). I keep begging whoever may be listening to stop AF this month but I don't think it's working. If an unfriendly host was all that was needed to keep her away I'd never have another period.

Don't be daft. It's not hard being happy for someone who wants a baby so much. There's so many people in the world who aren't really bothered and just have a baby for something to do and then regret it. I just can't handle people who are blase about pregnancy and birth when there's people like us who see it as so incredibly painful and difficult. It's unfair for me to be like that because I would probably be like that too if I'd sailed through my pregnancy. I;m sticking by the saying "all good things come to those who wait" but it still stings that my little boy can't be the good thing.

Here's hoping we both get through this weekend.

Well I could have saved myself some time there and waited a few hours. My period has arrived. I am so depressed. I hate my stupid useless body.

I'll leave it to nature one more month and then throw myself at the mercy of my GP.

I've been taking a multi vitimin with folic acid in it for years. I think I will switch to a pre-conception one though in stead this month. My lovely DH has just ordered me the clearblue fertility monitor. Hope it works because the sticks alone are £20 a month.