Today's the FIRST and we still have each other :)

[MummyMcKT]

A thread for all of us who were due in 2010 and who've bonded through the last few weeks.

It doesn't matter where your head/heart's at on this journey at the moment just as long as you want some company....

Sorry to hear you have had a wobble, Loopy. I too can empathise with everything you are feeling. I would have finished work now, as wouldn't have gone back in September when baby should have been due in October. I would only have had 2 months to go, and yes it would have been a nightmare with DP's house not selling & me stuck in my 2 bed house with my 2 boys, but I still wish I was facing those dilemas rather than dealing with the ongoing pain of the MC.
I can't even think about poor DP's 40th birthday without feeling sad, as that was the day my baby was due. All seemed so meant to be at the time.
I wish I could just be content with my lot & move on, but I can't. I find my boys more than a handful, so adding another child seems mad, but I can't settle. I have this huge hole inside of me now.
My cousin announced to me that she had just found out she was expecting her 3rd. She only found out on Tuesday & has told everyone already! Couldn't help but feel jealous.

YRMOTB - sympathies. I am mid period right now & can totally empathise with your feelings.

Veryof those of you who are in the states right now!
We are off to Center Parcs for the weekend next week, but that is as far as we are getting this summer. Looking forward to it though.

Thinking of you all.

Glad you are feeling a little better, Loopy. Hope you enjoy your camping trip.

I have taken about 20 steps backwards. Feeling we will never be able to try again. Scared that that was our only chance of a child together. Don't know how to get my head around that thought & am going to pieces again.

Sorry to hear you're having a wibble Pink, I'm nott qute sure what to say to help but am thinking of you. I woke up today thinking " I wantmy baby back" :-(

Glad you feeling a little better loopy x

Hello YRMOTB,McKT and Velvet xxxx

I had a heavily pregnant lady in last week, who I know quite well and she grabbed my hand to feel her little ones bum sticking right out. I'm not sure how I didn't burst into tears there and then as I hadn't told her what had happened to me for obvious reasons so it wasn't her fault but I had a ruddy good cry about it after. :-(

Okies off to work and then a big fat gym session today, that will make me feel better xx

That must have been hard, fordy. I think that would have definitely set me off too.

I feel so horribly low. DP does too, which makes me feel guilty. He doesn't know what to do to improve things right now. I want to bury it all away & carry on as normal for him, but that is not really healthy, is it? If you are feeling low, you're feeling low, and sometimes you need to get it out.
I hate what this miscarriage has done to me.

So sorry to hear that pink. Did you manage to speak to the miscarriage assosciation? It's hard for men too, I think. You are right to let it out though, no good can come from bottling it all inside. I feel for you so much. I wish we were all close and could meet up to try and help each other .

(((hugs)))

(sorry for short messages, I'm at work-oops)

Oh pink, I am so sorry. I have read your other thread but I didn't have anything helpful to say... I know how you feel to a certain extent because I fear that we are also not going to be in a position to try again.

I just don't know how to get my head around the idea or help you to do it. Your situation does sound difficult but remember that financial situations can and do change quickly...

Fordy, you have my heartfelt sympathy and empathy. It is very hard to be put in these positions. I am not sure what is worse: when the person knows what you have been through or when they don't? I can see how it made you have a good cry.

Loopy: Glad that you are feeling somewhat more on track. Enjoy your camping. We are off to the beach this weekend but I miss the camping trips.

In answer to your questions: We will be here for about 2 years but possibly longer if we continue to like it. We were in New York for less than one year, in Vienna for nearly two and, in Geneva for two as well. The frequent moves were more by choice than necessity. No chance of boarding school for our lot. They are currently home-educated and that works brilliantly with this crazy lifestyle. I love not having to race them off to school every morning and taking trips in the low season has been fabulous!

I am one of the crazy few who does try and stay impulsive with four children in tow. So far, so good...

YROTB I hope you are feeling a bit better. I think that I will give Toy Story 3 a miss; no need for more crying here.

Velvetcu Cheery hello!

This is already nearly a novel but I wanted to share my story of the week:

I held the sweetest little Khmer baby Tuesday morning. He was born around the same time that Timothy was due. Dd1, (my sweet 11 year old) asked if it made me feel sad and I was about to answer that it did when it occurred to me that if the young Cambodian mother of this little one had experienced the complications that I did with my last pregnancy that she would not have survived to take care of her five year old daughter and I was filled with a strange sense of peace. Not that I think there are a finite number of babies available in the world but somehow rather than feeling the usual envy accompanied by the wondering 'why me?' I was grateful for having won the geographic lottery.

I hope that even makes sense. Thinking of you all.

Ah, that's a good way to be look at things, cadmum.

I did lots of thinking on Tuesday, and decided that I cannot and will not put extra stresses in my head atm, at a time that my head is messed enough & not over the MC itself. I just can't get overloaded with what may or may not happen in the future, or I will end up losing it totally, and let's face it, none of us know what the future may bring.

It was starting to really get to DP. He nearly walked off the golf course on Monday, as he was getting grouchy with his friends, and he is normally one of the most placid easy going men you could meet.
He is going through both a divorce (which he hasn't a clue where it will leave him financially just yet) & trying to sell his house, and just cannot think of the whole baby bit just yet. I understand this totally, but miscarriage leaves you in such a dark desperate place at times, doesn't it?
I think stressing about the future too much just at the moment, is too much for either of us to take, so I am going to just concentrate on trying to get myself over the miscarriage itself for now. One step at a time hey?

YRMOTB - I haven't yet got round to talking to the support numbers that I was given. Was going to the other day, but just didn't get a minute.
I wish we all lived close together too & could meet up to support each other. It helps to talk to others who really understand what you are going through, as a lot who haven't been through it don't get how tough it is at all.

Definately one step at a time pink. But I heartily advocate ringing those numbers. I think sometimes even just talking to somebody unrelated and impartial who has experience is enough. I have a friend who has been through it, so that really has helped me. I have read your other post too, like cadmum, but didn't really have practical advice either. But you're probably right to try to dwell on only one thing at a time.

cadmum sounds like you're having a great time out there! I know what you mean about the geographical thing as well. It does help to think like that. I don't really think Toystory will make you cry, unless perhaps you're due on. Twas lovely though.
Waves to all.

Morning All

I'm back home now so thought I would take the time to catch up with everyone.

How are you doing Pink? I hope you have been able to speak to someone and are feeling a bit more positive.

Cadmum I am sooo envious of your travelling! We lived in Madrid last year and I really wonder what on earth I'm doing back in the UK!

loopy, McKT and YRMOTB how are you all getting on?

My holiday was fantastic and very much needed. AF finally arrived on Friday - I never knew I could have so many feelings about it! I'm relieved that everything down there is functioning normally again but it has brought back all of the horrible feelings again because it is the final reminder that I'm not pregnant anymore.

My nan, who lives in Spain, is visiting next week and I'm dreading that too. Last time she was here was in May when I told her she was going to be a great grandmother :(

Pink I agree with your statement - I hate what MC has done to me too. I never realised how hard it was to go through this.

Anyway hope you are enjoying holidays/time off with your DCs, DPs and other loved ones

Glad you had a fantastic holiday, velvet.
We have just got back from a long weekend in Center Parcs with DP, the boys, my sister, BIL & 1 year old nephew. Was nice & I managed to get through the whole weekend without any wobbles!
Not a great drive home though as half way into the journey DS1 came down with a stomach bug & threw up badly all over himself in DP's car! We had to get him out of the car, shake off sick, strip his clothes off, only for a repeat experience 10 mins later! DS2 was tired & grumpy & there was a moment where I thought "now remind yourself, why do you want another child again?!!"
He continued being sick until midnight & then again this morning, but he seems much better now. Just a countdown for the rest of us to come down with it now!!

Am with you on the feelings associated with AF, velvet. I felt just the same - pleased that all was back to normal, but sad as it was a reminder that you were no longer pregnant.

Have been plodding along a lot better over the last few days, but that is probably because I have been busy while we were away, and am now busy washing both vomity sheets, towels, clothes etc and holiday clothes! Quite a homecoming!!

Hope everyone is doing ok. Seems to have gone quite quiet on here. Hope that means you are all busy having a nice summer, despite the weather!

hello lovelies, Glad your hols was fun velvet,poor you Pink, i'm not good with my own vomit so hats off to you. I hope the rest of you don't get it, that would be no fun at all!!

hello to everyone else, how are youall???

I am off to the hospital this morning for my follow up to the iffy smear, wish me luck, I am not looking forward to it at all.

On a brighter note the sun is out and the rain has stopped...it could be a good day today after all.

Oh good luck, fordy. Hopefully it is nothing, but even if it is abnormal cells, it is rarely anything to worry about. I had them around 15 years back & mine actually went away on their own. Let us know how you got on.

DS1 seems back to his old self now thankfully. He is squabbling with his brother & messing his room again, so he must be ok!
I am just praying we don't have a repeat performance with DS2, although I know chances are high. I just can't keep up with all the washing apart from anything else!

Hi Fordy I hope all went well this morning.

This may be a bit of a strange question but when do you guys say you actually "lost" your little ones? My scan where we found out was in May but baby died at the end of April and ERPC was in June so its not even as though I have a single month I can refer to. Just asking because I have told a couple of people recently and dont want to have to go through the whole story with everyone, I just want to be able to say I had MMC in....when?

Fingers crossed you have no more vomit to deal with Pink!

Hey all :)

We've been away for a few days which were good considering I can totally empathise with everyone who has said they hate what this experience has done to them :(

Have been reading all your news - glad we're all still here for each other.

In answer to your question Velvet - I usually say I found out I lost our twins at our first scan (vague I know!). If people ask further I'd say May (which for me was scan/MC month although the scan showed they'd stopped growing in April).

God - writing that seems so unreal - are we all really all going through this?

Back to work on Monday which I'm dreading - know it'll pass but still a horrible feeling. Hard not to think of what would have been (telling everyone about the fab baby stuff we'd have bought and only going back till next hols then off on mat leave) Instead I'll be trying to be mega vague about how the hols have been not wanting to admit that for the vast majority of them I've had to drag myself out from under the duvet.

Few more days yet :) :)

Anyway what about you guys.....

How was Vegas Velvet?

Hope your brood are feeling better Pink.

Am thinking of Loopy in her tent!

Hello Cadmum :)

Hope today's gone ok for you Fordy. How's your nan doing?

Hope you're all well.

Hello all! Things are crazy with horrible legal traumas here i have to deal with( see Legal if you're interested!)

Hope all are well, and your smear thing went ok fordy.

pink i have my fingers crossed that neither your other ds or the rest of the family get it! I hate vomiting, it makes me sick hearing other people do it! Not good with a toddler..

Did you have a nice time Mcktastic? Where did you get to in the end?

Are you well velvet? Nice to see you around! Glad AF caught up with you, i think yours came at the same time after ERPC as mine did.

Hope you had a nice break, McKTastic. Good to see you back here.

I always refer to the scan as the day I found out I had lost my baby. My baby had stopped growing 5 weeks earlier though.

My DS1 is back to his old self now & as of yet we have not had a repeat performance from DS2, but we were in casualty with him yesterday, as he tried to run on a roundabout in the park when it was spinning very fast & ended up with the hugest egg I have ever seen on his temple. Never a dull moment in my household!

thanks lovelies...Not the most pleasant thing I have been through, but its all done and sorted but am still a bit tender and sore.

Glad you have had a nice few days McKT, sorry your feeling pants, once you get those first couple of days out of the way I am sure you'll feel better x

BLimey Pink, there is always something going on for you isn't there!! Glad everyones ok though x

Glad to hear it is all done & dusted now, fordy. Bet you're relieved it's over.

We got some none too great news today. The house we really wanted has now sold. DP has had a couple keen on his house, who have had a second viewing, but are still undecided. So frustrating!

Hey all!
Glad ur ok Fordy - hope ur feeling less tender.
Pink - I agree with Fordy - your life never seems dull! Hope DS is now ok. Pants about the house - don't give up though (when it happens with Kirsti and Phil they always seem to find something better - fingers crossed) hope you have luck with selling ur DPs - know ud be much happier when ur together under one roof.
Read ur legal thread YRMOTB - that's shocking. Can't believe the gall of some people. Hope it all gets sorted - last thing you bloody need.
Dreading Mon. Friend who sits next to me just told me she's now in her 2nd trimester. Pleased for her - they've had a horrific journey but doesn't seem to make it feel any easier :(

Ahhh Pink, that was not the house for you...like McKT says there will be something better!!

Its so hard isn't McKT, my friend at work is 6 months now and I am finding I get more and more upset the more she talks about it, but 'think' I am hiding it from her. I am happy for her its just so hard...

Well I am off to see my grandparents and spend the afternoon with a 3 year old...an afternoon in a her little world where I get to be a disney princess and things always turn out for the best!!

happy monday xx