ONE STILLBIRTH / TWO MISCARRIAGES IN NINE MONTHS.

[LEWEI]

I had a miscarriage at the weekend, this is my second since Feb, we are obviously devestated after losing our son last Sep. The miscarriages are causing us a great deal of concern, not only due to the fact that we have lost our babies but the fact that both happened exactly when the second period would have been due. We are thinking very carefully about trying again because we can't go on like this. Has anyone out there experienced this kind of problem? I carried my son full term without much problem until the end, and we just don't understand why we are losing our babies in the second month.

Lewei, I'm sorry for what's happened and I hope everything works out for you.

I had 1 miscarriage but went onto to have 2 babies so no words of advice but my heart goes out to you. Makes me realise how blessed i really am. Take care

My heart goes out to you too Lewei ... I am thinking of you so much and send you lots of hugs .... {{{}}}
It never ceases to amaze me how harshly women and parents are treated at times .... I hope you get some answers .... xxx

LEWEI

What can I say (that hasn't already been said) but to tell you how utterly brave and courageous you are to have gone through all this and try to stay positive, despite all the odds. I had a m/c at 12 weeks 2 years ago (first pg) and it took me six months to even talk about it I was a wreck. I finally admitted how devastated I was and went to the GP's who prescribed antidepressants and recommended a m/c support group run by a lovely midwife at the local Women's Hospital. It was only there talking to other women about my experience and hearing others that I finally broke down and started to climb out of the hole. A lot of women in my group had exactly your situation and did have successful "outcomes" (live births) as our sympathy-starved NHS describes it, so you are def. NOT ALONE. I know it takes time and everyone has very different timescales in mind, both mentally and pysically. I was told to wait at least 6 months before trying again, but I know others have been told differently. There does not seem to be one consistent piece of advice and of course, it very much depends on your locality. Last year I felt ready to try again to become pg although the first 20 weeks were hellish. I gave birth to a prem baby girl at 34 weeks last October and she is lovely, although we have our moments.
All I can say is, keep talking(and posting) , keep going back to the GP's and DEMAND to be referred (tell them you want to AVOID becoming depressed and you recognise that you are at risk from this) and hopefully they will take you seriously. Like everyone else, I send you deepest hugs and cyber chocs, please let us know you get on, take great care of yourself,
Moomicat

lewei,
i really hope you get things sorted at the hospital sooner rather than later. i really do hope that they find your baby for you SOON. as you say, he may hold the key for you and may provide you with some answers-he may not, but at least you'll know if your baby does hold something that may help you with future pgs.
apart from all that, i'm sure you badly need this recitified in order for you to grieve for him in the manner in which you want. it's just not acceptable that the hospital should "lose "him so i pray that the hospital gets its act together soon for you.
definitely, check out with your GP about low-dose aspirin. from all these posts it really does seem to do the trick-which i'm finding reassuring. best of luck.

by the way, i hope monday goes well for you and your partner. will be thinking of you. take care of yourself and each other

lewei, so sorry to hear to hear this news. i can't imagine how awful it must be for your and your dh/p. hope there is something practically useful for you here and wishing you much better luck in future.

{{hugs{}}} to you both Lewei and I hope the future is better for you.

lewei - I have no experience or practical advice to offer you, just my sincere sympathies for you and your family. What an unbelievably awful time you have been having. I hope the hospital can get it?s act together fore you and if they don?t that you will continue to find the inner strength to take it further.

It seems very important to me that hospitals are made accountable for this sort of complete failure to behave and work in a basic and sensitve way and I am so pleased that you have the strength to do this. I regret not following up small but significant complaints I have with the hospital that dealt with me a couple of years ago. Any chance of finding a new consultant in another hospital near you? Considering all you have been through at this hosiptal, it would seem like a reasonable request. As you have a supportive doctor, I would make an appointment and discuss exactly how you feel, how you have been let down by your midwife and practically everyone else and ask her advice about pushing forward with investigative treatment and gaining different healthcare staff. I would also consider writing a letter to whoever it is in charge of midwifery services in your area and let them know how unsupportive and invisible your midwife has been - he or she has clearly not fulfilled a really important part of their job and that is serious. I am sure that mears would agree with me.

LEWEI, I'm so sad to hear your news. To follow up on what people have said about Hughes Syndrome here is the info from the website Marina gave:

"The blood tests have complicated names but are essentially simple. There are two tests ? anticardiolipin antibodies & the confusingly named Lupus anticoagulant.

Of these 2 tests, the first is far more important and more frequently positive ? but because nature can be awkward, some patients have only one or other test positive ? hence the need to test for both."

It might be worth it to have those done privately (as someone suggested) then take the results back to your doctor and midwife. And if they're less than receptive, take the low dose aspirin anyway.

I took low dose aspirin for part of my pregnancy because I was getting horrible headaches. In the US it's now recommended for women who have a history of hypertension or are at risk for pre-eclampsia. What I'm trying to say is that now a low dose aspirin is acknowledged as a viable treatment without many risks (the "no aspirin in pregnancy" mantra is for aspirin at a much higher dose). The dose that I took was 75 mg.

Thinking of you.

Lewei - I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I lost two babies early on before I had my children and I remember feeling like I would never be a mum. I also remember feeling very bitter and angry about the NHS attitude that I would need to have another before they would look into it.

My situation was slightly different in that I lost the first at 12 weeks (but had really lost it earlier) and the second at 7 weeks. We then waited the full 3 months before trying again because I was made to feel it was because I had rushed into it. This time I had aproblem free pg followed 10 month later by another without problems. I have had another loss since then but am now 30 weeks.

I beleive that the option of investigation should be left to the women to choose. I really wanted them to look into after my 2nd loss but didn't qualify. This in itself makes you feel so vulnerable about trying again. Even if they hadn't found anything at least I would have felt I was doing something. That said sadly mc is very very common and often they never find the cause so I suppose they have to be quite tough and think about where they spend their money. After my 3rd loss they offered me an investigation but because the loss was so different I felt it was unrelated and couldn't face tests. So I really do believe that it should be offered to everyone and be your choice - making descions like that can help with the healing.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you find the strength to try again eventually because everything might be fine and then you will get the baby you so deserve. But I also understand the pain and fear that will surround that journey. Give yourself time to heal a little. You have been through a terrible 9 months. All my love.

Well said katherine. How are you keeping? I think many of us are inspired by your story and that of others on Mumsnet. You just don't want to feel like there's something that could have been done and it wasn't. I experienced similar dissmissive attitude from the NHS who told me there was nothing to worry about - go home and get over it. A month later was still having probs and it was only down to my excellent GP who insisted they sort me out - I would have been left other wise. I think you have to be quite insistive with them ot they just leave you. You're not a medical emergency and I think they thik - well she can have another, get over it and get on with it!! It can't have happened to them can it!!!

I think thats a big part of the problem Quackers. No matter how compassionate a person you are you simply cannot imagine how it feels until you've been there. At the end of the day its not just the obvious grief over loosing something so precious - I think most people can imagine that - but they can't understand how it can mean so much so early, and they can't understand all the other feelings and fears that go along with it all. And it must be even harder for men. I had some terrible comments from my GP and A&E staff - their mouths simply do not connect with their hearts sometimes. I couldn't beleive it. Then my mum came out with even worse stuff and she clearly didn't mean to hurt. Its just lack of understanding.

But I do think we should all be given the choice. Whether it helps or not physically doesn't really matter (well obviously it does but you know what I mean) - its the emotional benefits that seem to be ignored.

Lewei - I am speechless at what has happened to you - I had 3 miacarriages before dd - but nothing as traumatic as a still birth - and the experience still completely screwed me up.
I REALLY think you should consider changing GP tho, if you can't afford private care, as my GP had no problem referring me after 2 early miscarriages - I had the third on whilst under the consultant's care but as it was much later and post amnio it clearly wasn't linked to the first 2 and I've since had dd with no problems so admittedly my 2 were probably just 'bad luck' ( he quoted me something like 1 in 32 women will have 2 miscarraiges one after another so it's more common than one would think)

Oh Lewei, I have nothing to add except to say how sorry I am. Things will get better.

Thank you all, the info about aspirin started me thinking. I could'nt figure out what it was that was different about my last two pregnancies and my first. I went through all the things that i ate and drank, vitamins, medication ect, and it came to me and i am very surprised that the doctor or consultant has not picked up on it before now. for many years i had big problems with my periods, they sometimes lasted for a month, they were very heavy(two packets of towels a day at times) but the clots were huge, i can only compare them (being a chef) to 8oz sirloin steaks but thicker. My then GP prescribed Tranexamic acid to reduce the bleeding and to stop the clots, and that is what is different. When i fell pregnant with Lewis, i didn't realise until i was eight weeks because i had been having bleeds that lasted a day or so, everytime i started bleedig i would take my medication to keep it light and to stop the clots. I went to 37 weeks with him. I maybe barking up the wrong tree, but i am almost positive that this has something to do with the miscarriages, it just seems strange that bleeding in the first eight weeks with Lewis and taking the medication ( i freaked out a bit when i had a positive test because i didn't know if the acid would have damaged him)then going almost full term and losing two at the eight weeks stage and not taking the medication. Does this make sense or do i sound like i have lost the plot!!!!!!!!!!!

Well you've either lost the plot or you've got a very bizarre coincidence! Joking aside it could well be the case. It may be worth going back to the lovely GP and discussing the possibilty of this with him/her. I know the stuff is very effective and strong as when I m/c'd they gave me this after a month to stem the bleeding which it did until I got an infection which was nothing to do with being given that. I went to the chemist to get the prescriptionand she was just locking the door. She looked at it and said oh no I can't leave you - you need this. I know this has nothing to do with what you have said particularly but if the stuff can have such an effect on your body then it's absence may well contribute to other things happening in your body. Your bleeds sound tremendously heavy and maybe going back on the acid tablets will correct this and increase your chances of your body carrying the pg fully. It's not often you get an answer so quickly is it but it's a strong case!!!!

(((((Hugs)))) LEWEI.

Lewei, I think it is possible you may be onto something (though it could just be coincidence of course). Tranexamic acid does have an effect like aspirin to prevent clotting, and sometimes clotting problems can be a cause of recurrent miscarriages.
It seems a little harsh that you can't get further investigation, given that you have suffered a stillbirth as well as the two miscarriages. COuld your GP refer you elsewhere - I would have thought being in dispute with your local hospital woudl be a very understandable reason for wanting to be referred somewhere else.

lewei, i do hope you are onto something here. definitely speak to your supportive gp about this . maybe your gp will be able to spot a link which might be able to help you carry to full-term with future pgs. i'm glad that the aspirin info got you thinking and in some way made you a bit more positive. i hope you get some positive feedback from the hospital today about you little one. LOL

No joy from the hospital, they don't seem to have any idea what is going on. I called the number that i was given, i was told to ring on monday, and the clinic is closed on a monday so is the reception! How is that for service. We are not happy people at the moment. We feel as if our loss has been ignored and that our little one was not important to anyone but us. My faith in the NHS is long gone. I know that there are many good caring people in the medical profession but as i was told by the director of midwifery and the surgeon who delivered my son "we are only as strong as our weakest link" well i seem to have encountered more than my fair share of their "weak links". I won't go into a huge rant about doctors and hospitals, i seem to spend a good bit of my life ranting about the at them moment. I feel very positive about the tranexamic acid/aspirin theory, maybe i am looking in the wong direction but i have that feeling deep down that i am right, i am sure you all know that feeling when you get it. We can never replace the angels we have lost but we can't give up on all our hopes and dreams.

I'm feeling positive too for you, Lewei. As the others say, keep persevering. Best wishes x