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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

I'm 5+3 and think I'm having a miscarriage. What do I do?

28 replies

megonthemoon · 13/11/2009 08:04

I'm 5+3, needed the loo about 20 mins ago and found a lot of bright red blood. I have a tummy ache, but no cramping.

I spoke with NHS Direct but they referred me to my GP I guess as it's so early on, but they don't open for another 30 mins.

What do I do? Should I just let it take its course here? Or is there still a chance that it's just a threatened mc and should I be rushing to hospital? And do I need to be seeing a doctor in any case, or if it's this early and keeps on going can I just stay home without any medical intervention?

Any practical advice too?

Thanks

OP posts:
PandaG · 13/11/2009 08:11

flower, so sorry to hear this

firstly, don't automatically assume the worst - I bled far more in my third pregnancy (DD sitting at kitchen table now) than I did when I miscarried - I had a D and C.

I would ring the GP when they open, they may well give you advice over the phone as to what happens in your area. I had early scans to confirm what was happening.

I wouldn't rush to the hospital, just stay home and wait to speak to GP. I think you should be able to stay without medical intervention, but you may want a scan so that you know what is happening.

hugs x

PandaG · 13/11/2009 08:13

practical advice - hot water bottle, friend round to talk to if possible.

Northernlurker · 13/11/2009 08:18

You poor thing. No personal experience but from everything I've read on here there are two ways to go - to follow a medical route and have a small op to remove the remains (sorry - horrible word) or to let things just proceed as they will. The first option medicalises the whole thing - which you may not want - but will probably cut down on the time spent bleeding and does sort of get on with it. The 'natural' option may involve longer time of blood loss and pain but you might feel you've had a bit more control over a distressing experience. However heavy bleeding or risk of infection may still mean you need to finish off with a medical procedure.

So for now go and see your GP for advice and reassurance but be prepared that there isn't a lot they - or anybody can do other than help with the aftermath. A miscarriage so early cannot really be stopped or prevented by medical aid. I'm so sorry you're having this horrible experience - is anybody there with you? Regarding blood loss - I think what they usually say is that if you're soaking through a pad in less than half an hour you need A&E - but check that with your GP. Stock up on painkillers and hot water bottles and just stay snug. Thinking of you.

Original poster
megonthemoon · 13/11/2009 08:22

thank you. i'm crying just reading that people took time out to give me support and advice

i'm ok. my wonderful dh is here, and taking care of 19mo DS (who gave me a big hug when i started crying which made me cry even more!)

it's been really stressful since i found out i was pg last week as we are having a nightmare with a house move and DS had suspected swine flu last week (thankfully not) and then i had some not so great news at a regular hosp appt on mon. so i've been stressing about the stress, and what it was doing

and, sigh, i'm meant to be at the wedding of my best friend from school tomorrow

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 13/11/2009 08:35

I have to go to work now but I'll be back later - but it's really important that you know it is NOT stress that has caused this. Nobody knows why so many women miscarry, it's complex and didfficult but it isn't stress and it was not your fault.

Original poster
megonthemoon · 13/11/2009 08:41

thanks i've spoken to the gp who'll see me at 9.20

OP posts:
PandaG · 13/11/2009 08:53

glad DH is there and being supportive. As NL said, remember that your busyness hasn't caused this to happen. Am off out now, but please let us know how you get on at the GP's

Original poster
megonthemoon · 13/11/2009 10:10

been to gp. have appt for scan but couldn't get one until monday. frustrating to wait, but i guess if i had it today it couldn't tell me anything conclusive as i'm so early on and i'd probably have to go back next week anyway. doesn't actually change what will happen - if it's a mc it would happen regardless, and if it's not then baby will do whatever it needs to stick around, and timing of scan makes no difference to that.

home now, feet up, cbeebies going on for DS while DH and I mope and drink tea.

OP posts:
Original poster
megonthemoon · 13/11/2009 12:42

somebody up there is having a laugh at my expense. the post has just arrived and consists of a) a newsletter from the NCT with a smiling baby on the front and b) the letter from the hospital with the date of my 12 week booking in and scan appts

i think i'm about to cry

OP posts:
girlsyearapart · 13/11/2009 12:57

Oh Meg well there's still hope for you until the scan on Monday. Do cry if you feel like it.

PandaG · 13/11/2009 14:50

Oh meg. Glad you were able to get a scan appointment - I Know how difficult it is to wait - I started my m/c over a Bank holiday weekend.

Do cry if you need to, and we are here to listen.

tetleytea · 13/11/2009 15:42

Hi Meg,

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I don't have experience of doing this, but i read on another post that you CAN go to A&E if you are bleeding and they will probably give you a scan. This is an option if things get worse.

You're not alone, there's tons of support and advice out here.

Original poster
megonthemoon · 13/11/2009 18:09

It's definitely a mc rather than just bleeding as i'm passing some little clots now No cramping but very bad tummy ache now.

Friend spent a couple of hours with me and brought chocolate cake while DH was out doing a few things and now DH home and sat with me on sofa. Being gentle on ourselves this evening, and lots of cuddles for DS as he has been really unsettled today - he clearly is aware that something is wrong.

I'm coping okay I think, wobbly but okay. Cry every time I go to the loo and am reminded, but tbh I'm just thankful that if this had to happen at least it's early on before we'd started to get too excited. I feel terrible now, can't imagine the pain of going through it much later like many people have to.

I may still go to friend's wedding ceremony tomorrow if I'm physically up to it. I'd hate to look back and remember I missed her wedding on top of all this sadness. She knows, and there's no pressure to give her a decision. I can just turn up at the last minute so we'll just decide tomorrow before we need to set off. I think it might help if I'm physically up to it to at least be at the ceremony rather than also be upset about missing that.

Thank you so much for just being here

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 13/11/2009 18:47

I think it's wise just to decide tomorrow how you feel and of course any good friend will understand and feel for you in this. If you do go can I be brutally practical and suggest you wear very comfy clothes, take a handbag full of pain relief and pads with you and if you are any distance from home take a change of clothes just in case. I'm sorry to be so frank but I think it's better for me to do that and tout a worse case scenario than not say anything and you end up bleeding on your wedding outfit and have nothing to put on instead.

It sounds like your friend and dh are taking good care of you and a scan on Monday will be useful for you in determining exactly what's going on. Just get through the weekend as best you can. I assume you've had some of the cake you mentioned but make sure you carry on eating and drinking regularly. You need to take care of you and we all need fuel even when we don't feel like eating. We especially need fuel when our bodies are recovering from trauma - so keep up the cake and the fluids.

Original poster
megonthemoon · 13/11/2009 19:12

thanks nl - brutal practicalities very welcome here. i'm someone who deals with things much better if i have practicalities to focus on, so that's really helpful.

so glad i have my lovely DS. As DH said tonight it would be so much more devastating if this had been a first baby. As it is, DS has made us laugh and smile lots this evening which is making the whole thing that tiny bit less painful.

thanks all for your support. DS soon in bed then DH and I are on the sofa for the night with takeaway (oh irony, we actually had a babysitter booked tonight for a rare meal out at our favourite restaurant! we're getting take out from them instead) and leftover cake.

OP posts:
latestincarnation · 13/11/2009 19:22

Hi Meg, just popped by to hold your hand as I am going through the same at the moment. Let yourself have a cry, and take it easy, with lots of rest. Mine has been like a heavy period so far - very different to my later mc, so I have not been to the doctors - there is nothing they can do, and it will stress me out more. Take it easy, have a read on here and make decisions that feel comfortable to you.

Latest x

turtle23 · 13/11/2009 19:30

Meg- just wanted to pop in to give you a hug. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I hope that all the other crap (house stress, etc) eases up soon and that you are looking after yourself. Yor DH is a superstar...lean on him, it's what he's there for. xxx

nymphadora · 14/11/2009 00:48

Hi, I am going through this at the moment though I only had an hour between the positive test and the bleeding so havent had any appointments or anything sorted out yet.
Just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Heathcliffscathy · 14/11/2009 01:04

meg i'm so sorry, awful.

let it run it's course. rest up and be kind to your heart and your body.

don't expect to be ok for a while...takes time to process this ime.

Original poster
megonthemoon · 14/11/2009 09:14

Oh latest and nymphadora - big un-mn-like hugs to you for popping by to give me support when you're going through this yourselves

DH and I were in bed by 10 last night (very unusual for us) as we just wanted to get Friday the 13th over with Poor DS was really distressed at bedtime last night - very unlike him - screaming whenever we left him and in the end only went to sleep when DH cuddled him to sleep which we've never had to do. He was clearly very disturbed by us being so upset yesterday

Anyway we're all doing much better for the sleep.

DH very emotional. I think for me I will need to get the physical act of the miscarriage over with before I can actually begin to deal with the emotional side. At least it means at the moment I can support him with the emotional stuff while he does the physical things for me, and then he will hopefully be dealing better with the emotional stuff once it finally hits me.

OP posts:
latestincarnation · 14/11/2009 09:31

Your DH sounds very like my lovely DH - he was so worried about what I was going through and the emotional side of the MC, that for a while I was seemingly the less affected...I think as I was concentrating on the physical realism of the mc, I thought less about the emotional side. He will be your rock soon when you need it the most though! I hope today is better for you all

Northernlurker · 14/11/2009 10:05

Meg it is horrible for both of you. Glad you can support each other so well and that ds is a comfort. I think you're right, it must be very hard to see past a miscarriage if it is your first baby.

Hope the pain etc isn't too bad today.

FfreckleFface · 14/11/2009 15:49

Meg, just popping in to give an unMNy hug. Have a gentle weekend. I hope you're able to get some enjoyment from the wedding x

Original poster
megonthemoon · 15/11/2009 10:12

wedding was lovely. exhausted today, but it was the right thing to do all round. DS got to spend the afternoon with gps rather than moping parents and we got to have a lovely few hours forgetting it all, and friend and her new DH and her mum and dad were just lovely about it all. very glad indeed that we went.

really exhausted today though. my body has just gone kaput - the effort involved in dressing nicely and putting on a smile yesterday was clearly a bit much. DH and DS brought me breakfast in bed, and they've just gone swimming so I get some time to watch Strictly and slob on the sofa. Then lazy afternoon ahead too.

scan tomorrow - dreading it, even though i know that i have miscarried - guess it's just the finality of a doctor confirming it. i think the floodgates might open then.

OP posts:
Anifrangapani · 15/11/2009 10:19

Another non MN hug from me.

I went through the same at 9weeks. The scan confirmed that I had miscarried. They took blood tests to see where my hormone levels were and then checked again 7 days later to see if they were at non pregnancy levels. Then nature was left to do the rest.

My hormones were all over the place afterwards so there were lots of tears. Usually at unexpected kindness. I rationalised it by telling myself that it wasn't meant to be and it had happened at an early stage. It didn't make it any less painful, but made it easier to cope.