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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

How long did you take off work? 2nd mc and disinclined to return any time soon!

21 replies

LeeWT · 06/09/2009 20:36

hi all,

just wondering how long you took off work with your mc?

I had an mmc with medical management in May and took off 7 working days..

Was diagnosed with molar pregnancy last tuesday, had d&c on thursday so have been off work 3 days. Am intending on taking at least another fortnight off as i think i went back too soon the last time. also i think the anaesthetic from the d&c plus the high hormone levels from the molar preg has really floored me this time.

just wondered was i being a drama queen or how long you all took off?

thanks
x

OP posts:

lucykate · 06/09/2009 20:41

so sorry for your losses. i'm probably not the best person to answer this but i had 1 week off after my first mc, and after my second, i only had 1 day off i'm afraid. but everyone is different. go back when you are ready, don't let anyone make you feel bad or unjustified in taking time out.

PurpleKate · 06/09/2009 21:39

So so sorry you've had to go through this.

I've had 5 mcs and the most I've had off work is 7 working days. However, for a couple I felt I didn't have enough time off one. Also after the last one, I was very tired for a long time and really should have had more time off.

If you think you are not ready, then you are probably right. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it.

Wonderstuff · 06/09/2009 21:44

Sorry for your loss.
I took 2 weeks after my mc and subsequent d&c, and I feel I went back to soon. It depends on how you feel about it and what work you do. Some jobs you just can't do unless you are 100%. Take as long as you need, you know yourself better than anyone.

AnyFucker · 06/09/2009 21:54

2 weeks as an absolute minimum

scotlass · 06/09/2009 21:56

1st mc (natural) was off on holiday anyway so didn't have any time off apart from being off for the fortnight.
2nd - mmc took 3wks following D&C as needed to grieve properly and get my head straight (my job entailed daily contact with mums and babies and I don't think I would've been able to do it)
3rd - didn't take any time off as felt OK about being at work
4th - successfull pg - went off for a month at 7 - 11wks as was a complete emotional wreck
Take the time you need based on how you are feeling and whether you think work will be a sanctuary or not.

gigglewitch · 06/09/2009 21:57

last one earlier this year I took a month off, and posted a thread exactly like this one...

Best advice I got was "do what is right for you". And nobody else. You deserve to put yourself first.

nauseous · 06/09/2009 21:59

Agree with OP - take your time. Sorry about your mc and best of luck Lee.

Original poster

LeeWT · 06/09/2009 22:06

thanks for all the replies folks..

i know this sounds stupid but with a toddler and a house to run and having put on 10lbs between two pregnancies and recoveries, i just thought i'd love some time to get my life back on track before i go back to work. like get walking again, join the gym, spend time with my lo who has been so neglected with me being so sick the last four weeks..

works not so busy at the moment so yes i will take all your advice and go back when it feels right and not feel bad in the meantime.

i suppose i prob have to wait for results from tests for molar preg too..

thanks all.. glad no one shouted and said get back tomorow you lazy witch!

OP posts:

Mouette · 07/09/2009 11:06

I took 10 days after my mc last year and it wasn't really enough - I was OK physically but not mentally, kept crying all the time. I only returned because I couldn't face the thought of sitting at home all alone. Really, everybody's different, so it's entirely up to you. You have to feel ready to face work not just physically but mentally. All the best xx

lal123 · 07/09/2009 11:22

everyone's different - my first mc I was off for about 3 weeks - but 2 of these were booked hols. 2nd I was only off 1 day.

I'm assuming you have a friendly GP who will sign you off for this "getting life back on track" time though?

MmeLindt · 07/09/2009 11:27

I took a week off the first time, and two weeks off the second time.

After the second time, I quit my job as one of my colleagues was a bit nasty, making me feel bad about taking time off work. The thought of havign to go back to work and face her every day made me so stressed.

Take the time you need, both physically and mentally to recover.

Dophus · 07/09/2009 11:28

I took two weeks after an ectopic pg earlier in the year. I spent a wekk feeling sorry for myself and recovering physically and a week taking it easy and having some time ot myself.

bethoo · 07/09/2009 11:31

i took no time off during my mmc as i had no medical intervention and let it pass naturally though i was lucky in a sense that i had to go into hopspital as i hemorraghed but that was on friday. of course did not help as a male dominated workplace there was little sympathy and time off would have been deemed as an excuse. there was even talk i had had a termination which hurt the most!

countrybump · 07/09/2009 11:37

It's different for each person, and for each experience I think, and you need to do what's right for you. Take the time you need, it's really important.

My first mc was on holiday, so I didn't take any official time off work. My second loss was a late termination due to an abnormality and I took six weeks off. I mc again later that year and took just one day off for a hospital check, but then went straight back. But, that was really because I wanted to just pretend it hadn't happened and move on without thinking about it at all. That was just what felt right for me at the time.

Mouette · 07/09/2009 11:48

How awful bethoo! Some people can really be horrendously insensitive. I realise how lucky I was in my workplace as everybody was very sympathetic - I'm afraid I took it for granted at the time. x

Original poster

LeeWT · 07/09/2009 11:50

god isnt it awful that youve had the worst thing in the world happen to you but all you can think about is what people will be saying.

im sorry some of you have bad experiences going back to work. people can be so cruel.

whats annoying me at the minute is that when i tell people they gleefully tell me they'd guessed i was pregnant and recount the times i was pale/distant/sick looking. like hello, i lost the baby i dont care if you guessed or not, its not an achievement!!

sorry rant over..

lal123 my gp is an absolute gem and she was actually in tears when this happened to me. that said she'll prob give me enough time to get back on my feet mentally and then would push me towards trying to get back. and she'd be right. i think i'll take 3 weeks altogether. not least because myself, dd and dh all have stinking colds so its hard to imagine feeling well right now.

Plus was anyone else iron deficient? apparently i look so pale that i might be carried off by undertakers

OP posts:

Daynee · 08/09/2009 18:59

Lee - I'm so sorry about your recent loss. I see that many women on here did take a good amount of time off, a few did not...so I think it's up to 2 things - 1 - what kind of job/boss you have and 2 - how YOU feel. Personally, I took off a week with my first, 4 days with the second, and 4 days with the third. Honestly, it was torture because all I could think about at work was not wanting to be there around my kids - I'm an elementary school teacher! In addition, I felt guilty for taking the time I did, even though it wasn't enough at all. And although my boss was great, I still ran out of sick days and didn't get paid for the last few...so money was also my incentive for going back. UGH...there should be exceptions to those "sick days" rules!
Hope you're feeling okay. Rest, play with your family, eat chocolate, and take some nice walks!

happyjules · 08/09/2009 21:33

Time off no, such luck. As a sahm with a partner who works away and was not there when it happened had to cope with the mc in the middle of the night unable to go into hopital as I had two small children asleep up stairs. No help from mil who lives 1 mile away. I still had to do scool run, swimming lessons etc whilst in and out of hospital till my partner could be bothered to come home when the worst of it was over. Pease excuse the rant as I am still angry about it six months later and it is my edd on thur and he wont be around for supprt as he has "really important " stuff that he has to do on that day!

Original poster

LeeWT · 09/09/2009 00:36

Jules you're fully entitled to a rant! My dh is very good BUT our families are sweet f* all use and nobodys darkened our door for either mc. It will never cease to amaze me how self involved people can be!!!

How are u getting on now? Are you ttc again? I'm not allowed try foe another 6-12 months due to molar preg but tbh I'm a bit relieved after losing two I just need a rest..

daynee sorry you have been through this three times how awful for you especially working with kids.. Hope life is a bit kinder to you soon xxx

OP posts:

easydoesit · 11/09/2009 10:23

I've been off a week and not rushing back, planning 10 days off after ERCP today I just want to collect my thoughts and help my 2yo get back on track before rushing off and leaving her unecessarily. I think you've you've got to recover emotionally before you face people especially as they say some ridiculous things! it takes a long time. Take as long as you need x

Jules80 · 14/09/2009 11:47

Hi,
I suffered a missed m/c a month ago round about this week.

I took of the week where it all happend and had the medical management- (although it had passed beore the medical management- took it to be on the safe side).
i then took a furhter week and everyne said go back work as it will keep mind off things- it did- i did start to feel better but now as 1 month since it happend approached, i feel crap. I was ready to go back to work but still wished i cd have had a month off.

I was in a new job also so felt awful taking time off also and we were short staffed- - but they have been really good.

My side of my family were great but hubbys side were not that great.

it dont help.

but take as much as you need, your health is more important - put yourself first- - i diddnt and i feel bad now.

and happyjules- - you have every right to be pissed off- what kind of a hubby dont come home when you had that much to deal with on your own and m in law does fuck all either tho shes not far! what bolloks. But i hope you are feeling much better

I was lucky- my husband travels a lot too but he didnt go that week it happend as it happened as he was due to go the next morning.

i hope all you ladies are ok

Jules80

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