Missed miscarriage at 12 weeks

[coxy3005]

Hi everyone,

This is my first ever time doing this, I've been reading everyones stories over the last couple of weeks and have really gained some comfort and now feel about ready to share my story. I was coming up for my 12week dating scan, I reached 11 weeks and after the midwife booking in appt got really excited and we started to tell family and friend, we said that we would wait as we previously had m/c at 8 weeks 7 months previously but felt that we were now reaching the 'safe' time so started to tell people. The day before my scan I started some brownish spotting, I knew that something was wrong and was so scared it was happening again! The next morning we had the dating scan and worst fears confirmed, no heartbeat and only measured about 9 weeks 2 days. I decided to go for natural and not d&c as I had natural before and it wasn't too bad apart from the emotional side it was really just like having a really bad period. This time was totally different, pain like really bad contractions lots of clots and bright red blood. One night the bleeding was so bad I had to go to a&e as it was coming out like someone had turned a tap on and it wouldn't stop!! Was so scary. Everything turned out ok and was sent home after a few hours of observation to carry on with natural m/c. I had my follow up scan which was exactly 2 weeks after the first scan and it looks like everything has come away. To top it all off it was my birthday yesterday and none of my so called friends contacted me, I don't think I'm coping very well, my DH has been my rock but I don't have anyone to talk to about it that understands my freinds don't know what to say to me so therefore don't say anything which wouldn't normally bother me but at the moment feel a bit of an emotional reck!!

Anyway, hope my story may in someway help someone else.

Coxy x

Hi Laura and BayeauxT, so sorry to hear of your losses. I can't imagine the disappointment of being told there's no baby. I suppose I was lucky (!) that my body started the MC process naturally and I realised what was happening. Poor you.

It is such an awful thing, and you just feel like you want time to hurry up so you can get pregnant and past the stage you were at when you MCed. We are back to TTC unsuccessfully and it's so friggin frustrating! We got pregnant on the third try, but first and second try I kind of thought we were too late. So I don't know what went wrong this time. It does feel unfair - I just totally expected that I would get pregnant straight away and didn't actually believe that I would have an MC - not ME! But there we go hey. My MC was at the end of May and I'm still riding the rollercoaster. I was doing pretty well, getting on with all other 'life' stuff, but so sad this time didn't work and I'm still not pregnant Well got to try soldier on and not count the days and weeks! (Sorry about the rant!)

I hope that you are both not in any pain and are getting good medical advice on what's next. There's so much advice and support on these pages, so I hope you can find the comfort and help you need.

lots of love xx

Hi Jules80

I have had 2 scans where I have been told that the baby had died. The first one I had started to bleed so I was expecting it and the baby hadn't formed properly so wasn't mentally too bad.

The second time I had had a scan at 9 weeks and a heartbeat was seen and all was good. Then I went back at 13 weeks to be told that the baby had died at 9 weeks and 3 days. So I had been blissfully unaware that what I thought was going ok was not. I still don't understand how I could have felt so pregnant whilst my baby had died. I looked at the scan and that image does still haunt me sometimes. I haven't had the courage to locate the picture I have from the 9 week scan.

I hope that all goes ok with the pills and I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.

I'm hoping it does get better. I have nearly stopped bleeding and am trying to stop feeling angry and bitter. But I am finding it hard to go back to my life before as one of my friends is PG and I don't want to face her currently

Thinking of you

Thanks for the messages and I am so sorry PolarBear and Jules for your experiences too. I really wish no-one had to go through this as it is so horrible.

I think we have to hope/have faith that the emotional pain and feeling of loss will get better in time. It definitely doesn't feel like it will at the moment but I am sure it will get better - it has to!

Much love to you all and I have my fingers crossed for everyone

xx

Thanks PolarBear and TAcrazy.

faith and hope....i feel far from that at the moment, i know it will get better, its just that at the moment i cant see beyond " i should be pregnant now""!

Everyones telling me that its normal to feel all this as its a berevement. I feel so guilty as well, i feel like ive let my mum and my hubbys parents down.

Ive read so many people stories about it happening a few times- 2, 3 and 4 and even more times. I dont know how I would cope if this happened again.

I want to try again when I am better- but how long am i supposed to wait till we try again. it took 4-5 months for me to get pregnant and im scared it will take just as long or longer this time.

Further more i got told i had a retroverted uterus- but they said this is not the cause of my miscarraige. Im not sure how many other women have this and how it will affect further pregnancy's.

Also they told me that I had a retroverted uterus. But they said this was not the cause of the MC. Then i spoke to a family friend who said she had a tilted uterous, and that is what caused her 4 MC then she had it surgery to correct it.

I have to go back for a scan on This friday to see if its all clear. Im so scared of seeing an black empty space- the space where my baby once was.

I dont know how to expect to feel or anything.

Polarbear you seem so strong, and giving others courage. It must have been horrible that one min you thing everything is ok and later to be told its not. I did not feel anything at all at the supposed time when my baby stopped growing. I did not feel sick right from the start and tohught that was normal.

How will I ever know next time that what is normal.

What annoys me is that the Dr or Midwife gave hardly any advice even tho it was my first pregnancy.

I had to aak evrything. IN fact the Dr I saw instead of my Dr said " oh your mum should be able to give you good advice" .

I now feel angry and angry that no one told me to slow down .

I feel sad that i may have done this to my baby.

I had an ok day today but feel so sad now

I cant stand the fact that in march i wont be holding my baby as i should have been.

All these feelings. where to put them! I look at my scan pic and say everyday why could you not survive - this is an answer we will never have. I have placed my lil angel with a pic of my dad who as passed away and try to seek comfort that he is now looking afer my baby somewhere.

Do you guys still feel ike that?..that the world has come crashing down. How do some women get on with it.

PolarBear, hopefully you will be able to face your friend and her baby. Also when did you miscarry and how long have you been bleeding?? i have been bleeding since Monday night , i think i lost the baby either weds or thursday, and im still bleedign. How long can i expect to bleed? i still feel pain now and again. I took the Pills they give you.

Thanks again guys sorry for the rant.

Jules80 please don't think that you are letting anyone down. It is nothing that you have done. I felt that way at first and kept asking what I had done and telling my dh I was sorry.

I cannot bear to look at my scan picture and still feel quite haunted by the image of my baby at the scan. I go back for a scan on Wed to check all is clear.

I have just about finished bleeding now so that has taken just over 2 weeks.

I've got to be brave tomorrow and meet up with my friend. I range from anger to bitterness to sadness about it all.

I hope that all goes well with you and good luck with your scan and hope the people give you some better advice this time.

Take care of yourself

Hi, so sorry to hear all the sadness. I've had four mcs, (but also some successful pregnancies) but it's been a while. I think the worst case scenario is to have a d&c -- how I wish hospital staff could be a little bit kinder, forget all the scans and the bells and whistles, just kinder. A little kindness makes a huge difference and sets you up for the next time you try, helps speed your emotional recovery. The lack of it, I'm convinced, actually gives some women a case of PTSD. And that goes for friends and family too.

Jules80, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through and I'm sorry I missed your post (didn't realise this topic had entered a second page).

You can't blame yourself or anyone one else for what has happened - you can never know what caused your baby to die and it most probably doesn't have anything to do with how much rest you had. (I think all the advice about resting and eating and not lifting heavy things, etc. is really for YOU and YOUR comfort - seems that if all is well with the little one, it will thrive no matter what). It is very distressing that most of us were just carrying on, getting used to the idea of being pregnant and quite enjoying it, and then finding out that actually we'd been all blissful when things were not at all well. It is a horrible shock, and very disturbing. Just shows you though, it's completely out of our hands - if we can't even know when things aren't going well, how can we do anything about it?

I really hope you can find some comfort somehow, and support for what you are going through physically as well as mentally. It's a gruelling process. It doesn't help that you don't really get much support from medical professionals - I hold very little faith in the NHS and was also appauled at the lack of advice when I went to see the doctor after getting my BFP - they just abandon you to get on with it and assume all will be fine. Turns out it's pretty common that things are not actually fine and 1 out of 5 us lose our babies.

I hope that the pills work and do their thing and that the bleeding stops soon. It took ages for my next period to come and I had a lot of spotting and bleeding in between - turned out there were still 'retained products' (AWFUL words) which caused intermittent bleeding so in 7 weeks I only had about a week of absolutely no sign of blood. Sorry if this is TMI but I'm hoping that it is in some way helpful - I got a lot more information, advice and reassurance about what I was going through on these pages than from the NHS.

Wishing you lots of strength Jules, be kind to yourself and know that it is going to take time to get over what has happened. And keep coming back here... we're all here for you.

lots of love xx

hi girls.
A big thanks for all your advice on this stuff.

temm09, it was not too much info, in fact it was helpfull. I seem to have stopped bleeding but not sure if it will start again. I have a scan on friday which I am dreading as they cant do a normal scan as i have a bloody retroverted uterous and I am actually scared of what they will see there. In away - - i keep hoping - like a miracle that the baby is still there, its fine and lviving, and that THEY made a mistake- - But i know thats a stupid way to think. They told me to try again after a few months but im scared im never goig to get pregnant or its going to take ages, not only that, im scared that I will have to go thrugh this again like you all have.

I know its going to take time, i just want time to fast forward.

lots of love and hugs everyone.
X

Im so confuesed, everyones stories are different.

After a rocky start with the Dr and Midwife when I first found out, i was so shocked at the sympathy care of the staff on the ward at the EPU.

Does it takes ages to conceive after having a first miscarraige and first pregnancy>

How long will bleeding last and when can i expect a period- - i know this varies but im so confused. I had my Misssed misscariage at almost 11 weekns and was due my scan this weds 19th. The baby measured 8wk3days.

It seems so unreal still. I cant bel it, it seems like a dream as this is happening.
Im worried about my next scan to check if " the "product" has cleared. When you stop bleeding does it mean it has or that its just paused. on wednesday they gave me a pill to bring down my hormones, after this i started to miscarry and they still on friday gone gave me the other pills you take 4 hours appart so i dont know if my body has natrually miscarried or that it was the pills. Either way can things still get left behing inside???

Im so worried about whats to come. when will i be back to normal ???

Aw Jules, I totally hear you! Gosh, I'm still trying to find the fast forward button! And I also remember thinking when going for my scans 'ooh maybe it was all just a big mistake'! And even when I had my AF last week I was thinking 'ooh maybe it's implantation bleeding... or spotting... or just a little bit of blood...' never mind that it was so bloody obviously my period (excuse the pun). I am also scared about the future and getting pregnant, and then reaching the 10 week mark when I MCed, then keeping the pregnancy... I'm trying to readjust my attitude so that I don't become ultra neurotic. With each set-back there's the potential to become more desperate and to try and force things to go the way I want to or there's the potential to learn the lesson that it's out of my hands and that I need to shift my focus to other life stuff and stop obsessing about TTC, charting, temping, if I get pregnant this month when the baby will be due, etc. Hard not to think about it all the time, but I am driving myself mad!

I know that all the advice people tell you is stuff you already know - give it time, it's not your fault, blah blah blah... but it is all true and hopefully hearing the positive messages over and over again will somehow reinforce them and help you move on, and help time speed up.

Good luck getting through the next few days til your scan on Friday.

xx

When does anyone feel normal!.

Hi Jules,
I had a MMC at 12w after a healthy scan at 8w and it's the worst uncontrolable feeling I've ever had. Huge disappointment, grief and even embarrasment. I too felt I had let my parents and inlaws down (first grandbaby) - and still do a bit.

I'm starting to feel more normal, but it goes in phases. I just want to start TTC again, but it looks like I haven't ovulated yet and I'm in my 4th post mc cycle.

Anyway, I think it's great that you're having a scan on Friday so that you can be sure everything is normal inside. The sooner your body gets back to normal, the sooner you can feel emotionally normal. Is there really such a thing as normal?

Good luck, hugs, and take care!

Hi Zayja

Thanks for your message. I have my scan tomorrow. Don't know what to expect really. Uncontrollable is one way I could describe it. But empty, lost, angry, pissed off at life and sooo soo inadequate are the other words i feel. Cant even look after my lil baby. I was due for m 12 week scan ..yesterday but seems it all got too much for the little one inside me.

I guess it must have been wrong for it to carry on ( or at least im trying to believe that and find comfort in that it didn't happen at a later stage.

I dont know how I would have coped if I had seen a healthy baby then see it the way i did.

Was it your first..if so how come they gave you a scan at 8 weeks???

I feel normal inside and my bleeding stopped after a few says of me miscarrying.but mentally its taken its toll, as ive said in my other messages - one min im ok next im in floods. !!

Tomorrow will be the end of it all really when they say its clear or not.

I must say when i left the hospital last week- - after the pills- i felt weird leaving the unit.

I guess its closure tomorrow. I want my period to come back soon!!! I want to be pregnant again but I dont think I will enjoy it one bit in the fear of it all happening again. Some women have been saying just coz its happened once dont mean it will happen again. But how can anyone relax knowing it could happen again and the fact that no ones going to check everything is ok with you till it happens 3 times round! what bolloks is that???

IN terms of letting ple down- i was the youngest of 3 on my side and the other 2 siblings have 5 kids between them, on my hubby side- there's one but they have never really been involved with it, so to me it was giving them the chance to really be a grand parent.

its happened to my sister in law 2 x but she has 3 healthy children. i still remember the first time it happened and my mum saying something along the lines of losing hope.
BUt try not to worry about inlaws and folks- - -You are no 1 and always remember that- - -i diddnt , but now I will look after myself this time round. I blame myself sometimes but i know what will be will be and there was nothing I could do about it.

Ladies be strong. they say patience is a virtue- but im running out !!!

Temm09 how are you doing this week.

I have found so much support on this website!

Polar bear- how did your scan go>

I have mine tomorrow- Im shitttting it!

I guess ill be back tom!

sleep well peeps
Love
Jules

The scan was a bit pants - have a look at the EPRC thread. They discovered that although I have stopped bleeding my womb lining is too thick so back to hospital on Monday for the op I should have had 3 weeks ago.

I hope that your scan is ok. I'll be thinking of you. Be brave as it is will be hard and memories will come flooding.

x

Oh polar bear im shitting it now!!

My bleeding is gone- - but do they not give you those pills again?? ?I dont wanna be put to sleep!! i have never been under!!

ive already had my cry today but now i wanna cry again. are you ok love???I know the memories are gunner come flooding back! They come back so suddenly sometimes.

Ill try my best to be brave, I will have to be.
I think all the girls on this are so so brave. some have been through this many more times and have got guts!

Temm09 and and TA craxy i hope you are well too!

Ill be back......tomorrow!

Lots of love and hugs girls.

Please don't worry - fingers crossed that all will go well.

They have never mentioned pills as an option to me, it always seems to have been the EPRC or natural method really.

You can be brave and don't worry if you need to cry its only natural.

Let me know how it goes tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you, I'm off to hospital to have blood taken.

x

bloods? NOW?? its nearly 11pm???

They gave me 3 options when they discovered my MMC, Either go home and let it happen-
take medicine - one pill to reduce hormone then go back 1 day later to take 2 pills that they call the missy pill- this is the pill they give to womeon who want an abortion- it helps with the MC.
Or 3rd was the op. ( which I did not want)

But they only started using this in 1991. They say it works in 2 ways- - if ur bleeding 2 much - it slows it down, and if not bleeding- it helps womb contract to make you bleed and MC.

Weird thing is that when is started bleeding and they they gave me a pill to reduce the hormone- thats when i bled most and MC - this was before the 2 other pills ( ps you can take them orally- side effects are being sick and getting the runs or u can take them up ur you know what and you dont get as many side effects).

So before they gave me the 2 pills on friday my bleeding had gone loads less and not much came out. They say that you can take them again if they dont work, or take the op .

What part of country are you from -- as it may be something only some hospitals use?

No doubt ill catch up with you tommorrow but good luck monday.

Ill keep my fingers and toes and anything else i can find to cross in a hope things go ok tomorrow. !

night and lots of love.

no I meant tomorrow morning for the bloods, sorry! I'm in the Epsom area so maybe we haven't got the pills here, will have to enquire next time I see the EPU, out of interest.

Hope to hear tomorrow that all went well.

Hi Jules

So... I'm sure it's been a rough day for you. I hope it's gone okay and that it marks the end of the horrible stuff and the start of really getting over it.

I'm doing really well, we're doing well at our decision to ease off and stop obsessing about TTC and just accepting that it will happen when it's meant to. I feel really good, happy. And I feel that when I do get pregnant again I won't be neurotic - of course I will be scared about miscarrying, but I think having a bit more time between pregnancies is probably a good thing for my mental state - even though all I want is to be pregnant.

Did have a big downer on Weds night as we went to see The Time Traveler's Wife - one of the most beautiful books ever, and the adaptation is actually excellent. However, we forgot about the miscarriage in the story... oh my gosh, I felt like a knife had been stuck in my heart and I wanted to leave the cinema. Plenty of pregnant ladies and babies on TV, in movies on the streets, etc. but this is the first time I've seen a miscarriage in a film and it hit hard. Horrible. So don't see that movie! (One day, but not yet!)

PolarBear sorry to hear you have to go have the op on Monday, that's a bit of a set-back. I hope it goes well, and hope you are doing okay.

Zayja good luck with TTC. I agree with you - is there any such thing as normal?!

lots of love to all of you xx

Thanks for the warning about the film, been trying to avoid all that sort of thing as find pregnant ladies etc hard to be around, I think seeing a miscarriage like that would be horrible.

In a way I just want to have the op so that I can move on and get to a stage where we can consider TTC again. I am going to try and avoid getting the calendar involved for the next few months.

Jules - how was the scan? Hope all went well and been thinking of you.

Love to all

I'm so sorry to read about your stories: I found out at the end of May that I'd had a missed miscarriage (I was 17 weeks into pregnancy but it seems the baby died within days of my 13 week scan) and this has brought back a lot of memories.

You're all very brave ladies.

Dear all,

Feel so much for you all. Like you say, we are brave but have not choice in the matter. I was preg and went for 12 wk scan to find baby had died at 8.5 wks. I had a scan at 7.5 wks (as bled a bit around 5 weeks) so we had seen it alive and so it hurt a lot to see the baby with no heartbeat. That scan image haunts me daily. I decided to have a d&c baby had not come away in 4 wks. I am 4 wks on from d&c and I am bleeding so heavily with chronic period pain every day. I had no period pain for the first 2 weeks and the bleeding subsided for a few days at the end of those 2 wks but then it started again with avengence. Is it my period? How would I know?? We were so gutted to lose the baby as we had no idea and I felt so ill all way to 12 wks. Anyway, I have booked docs for monday as don't think losing all this blood and stuff is normal. Can anyone advise as we just want to crack on ttc again but there is no chance of that with niagra falls every day! xxx

Hi ladies,
So sorry to hear your stories. Jules80, please don't blame yourself. I am on pg#4 (all mcs so far) but already know it is another mmc and am now waiting for it to leave me. Midwife told me that too many women get caught up in thinking that mc is due to something they did wrong, whereas in reality, if a pg is going to stick, it will, and if it is going to fail, it will. It is not because of your exercise or doing too much. MW also told me that the best way to get over it is to look at pregnancy like a process, which may work or may not. That way, it is much easier to keep trying.
I was so good this time - no booze, coffee, tough exercise, sex (!), bad food etc. But I still had early embryonic death at 8 weeks, most probably for chromosomal reasons which can't be helped.
I found Lesley Regan's book really helpful, I would recommend it.
Also, I made the point of not telling any family, especially not in-laws. I think it's nobody's business but my own, and when one day I have a good scan and am about 16 weeks along, I will tell them. I couldn't bear to be compared to the 99% of people who don't have recurrent mcs. After all, it is not my bloody fault.
Good luck and stay positive.

hey all.

Firstly, the follow up scan went well- everything had come away and I was EMPTY- quite literaly.

I suppose it was good news and I diddnt have to any other prodding and poking- tho i was prepared for it- so prepard- - - i waxed my legs and shaped my bikini- i started stripping of and the MW was like NO NO is ok were doing a scan on ur tummy! LOL - i guess that was the funny bit of it all.

She explained a few more things better this time and said baby had gone at 7weeks - not 8 like they told me before.

Now i just have to wait for a period! My bloods were good and all tests came back ok too. So what bloody went wrong!!!!!

I feel much better tho this memory will haunt me for a good while.

Fulham 1 - 4 mcs??? but they say that for most its a one off!!! arhhhhh. its scary.

I wish you all luck in TTC.

Weridly- my bleeding had stopped almost completely 2 days after i finished miscarrying..... i was expecting to bleed for months!

the scary think now is trying again. How did you ladies manage without giving yourselves a nervous breakdown????

Went to a function last night and the sight of a pregnant woman - - made me want to throw up----in envy and anger! arhh

trying to be a mum..never thought id be a statistic and it would ever happen! chin up tho eh???

Jules, so glad to hear that the scan went okay, and that you're feeling better - obviously not skipping for joy, but better nonetheless. Hope things continue to go well for you.

Fulham1, sorry to hear about your 4th miscarriage, that must be so tough. Wishing you lots of strength to get through it, and hopefully some helpful answers soon.

love and strength to all you ladies xx