GP has very gently suggested that it may be time to stop trying.

[OracleInaCoracle]

I dont know how to feel about it. on one hand im almost relieved, on the other i feel that it would be such a waste.

a waste of 3.5y.

a waste of all the energy that we've poured in.

a waste of all the dreams that i had for our family.

i feel like such a failure, that ive failed dh and ds as well as all of my lost beans.

but maybe it is time to call it a day. concentrate on my degree and try to build new dreams and a new future for us all.

fuck it, i dont want to make this decision. i half wish that the docs would say - nope lissie, you will never have any more dc's. this is it.

Oh Lissie

I don't know what to say

is this the end of the road? no more referrals, no more potential assistance?

have you looked into surrogacy?

you have had more miscarriages than i could even bear to contemplate

the ultimate irony is that you can get pregnant easily, but can;t get passed a few weeks.

surely someone can help you?

i don;t know what to say really

God what a decision, poor you Lissie. I supose all you can do is speak with your dh and make a desicion together.

Really though you haven't failed anyone, your dh still has his loving wife and your ds has 2 loving parents.

I hope you can come to some sort of decision that makes you all happy.

oooh lissie

I dont know what to say

Sorry Lissie, I know what that feels like. We were told we may as well give up and I cried for weeks over the decision.

In my case, obviously we had a few good surprises after that point and my only hope is that somehow a small miracle will find it's way to you and stick around.

If this is the end of the road in terms of trying, be kind to yourself, take some time to be sad, and go on holiday if you can - you need to shift your environment to give yourself some space to think and reflect.

I'm really sad for you - I remember how crushing it is to feel defeated at every turn

But you have been so strong too. I hope you move on from whatever you decision you make and are happier in the future.

tbh she was lovely about it. i went to change my ad's because the sertraline was giving me migraines, and we had a long chat during which i sobbed for ages and she suggested that ttc is making my depression worse. 8 mc's (more if you count the cp's) is an awful lot and my body has gone through so much. dont know what to do or think. when i think back to how i felt before my first mc and how optimistic i was i feel so foolish and naive. i resent nearly every pg announcement and every birth announcement. i hate the person i have become.

Oh Lissie sorry.

oh lissie i didnt realise you were going through all that.
hugs for you

Lissie - don't feel foolish, you have done nothing to reproach yourself for and no-one judges you here - your reactions are completely natural and you'd be as mad as a box of frogs if your positivity wasn't marred by all that grief. Go easy on yourself, it's okay to be angry!

I'm so sorry, I can't imagine how devastated you must feel. The hormones alone would be playing their part in how awful you feel. Have you ruled out other options to having more dc such as adoption?

Give yourself lots of time to come to terms with the decision, have you got a counsellor to spend some time talking about how you feel about all of it to help you deal with your depression?

Aren't we all foolish & naive at first, we all think getting pregnant, staying pregnant, being pregnant, having a great birth, being a mum etc etc is going to be soooo easy - weren't we all wrong!

thank you all. surrogacy may be an option, and dh wants to look into adoption again (we were going to adopt pre-ds)

lissilou-so sorry you have been through such awful times.

We were advised to stop trying after 3 yrs of fertility treatment that wasn't working out.I remember the sadness but also the feeling of relief that I could relax and enjoy life again without the monthly stress and underlying stress and anxiety.
It took us a while to learn to live with it but eventually we did..you will find a way.I wish you all the luck in the world.

We did eventually have another child 11 yrs later completely naturally by the way ...so you do never know what the future holds .

Lissie xx

The Miscarriage Association have a good leaflet on stopping trying which you can download from here

How does your DH feel about it ?

i suppose i cant let go of the fact that i still have most of the right equipment, and the old adage "if you throw enough stuff at a wall, some of it sticks" but theres nothing more they can do. its entirely up to my body and its just not playing ball.

im so sad.

did you try the maya abdominal massage therapy

nothing doing at LWH?

oh Lissie - am so sorry
no more words to add to all those from these other lovely ladies
have a ((hug))

Oh lissie, i don't know what to say

You know, fate is a funny thing, i truly believe if you are meant to be a family of more than one child, you will be. I know this sounds trite but i have seen this happen to so many couples, they resign themselves and it happens. You have been through so much, i think its time you gave yourself a break. Take a holiday if you can afford it, and do concentrate on your degree as this will be good for all of you. There will always be new dreams and a future for you, that may or may not involve another child. Give yourself some time, a holiday from it all in your head. Then think about adoption - i am sure someone like you would have SOOOO much to offer, but you need to wait until this is still not so raw for you all.

I don't think the docs can say you will never have any more, they just don't KNOW this - they told my mum she would NEVER have children, never be able to conceive or carry a child - well, i am pretty real so that proved them wrong . I know a couple who gave up on IVF and got a dog - bingo. You just don't know what is out there for you.

You have a lot to give and your family are lucky to have you. Such a selfless lady to put yourself through so much - its time to be kind to yourself for a bit.

i did lulu, and LWH just suggested that we "go on holiday and try to relax" another mc specialist said that he would prescribe heparin then retracted it when my bones started playing up. they wont consider progesterone or ABs... we are just going round in circles and its so exhausting.

This may sound utterly insane, but maybe if you stop trying and focus on your degree etc, etc then it might happen, just because you are not trying ?

o bugger
maybe it is time to stop? use some contraception , have some non timed sex and a bit of a break?

and revisit in a few months?

just don;t punish or chastise yourself, you hvae done nothing wrong. you really have not, it is just bloody appalling bad , horrible luck

the thing is, i was told when i was younger that it was unlikely that i would ever have a child, my anorexia had affected my development and my uterus was underdeveloped. so after ttc for at least 3y (and we were less than careful before then) we started the adoption process. then bam i was pg with ds. the pg was awful, lots of bleeding and early labour scares culminating in a crash cs. but i kind of feel that lightening doesnt strike twice. ds was a lovely shock. now every time we have sex i try not to think "we are ttc" but its there at the back of my mind

am i making sense?