GP has very gently suggested that it may be time to stop trying.

[OracleInaCoracle]

I dont know how to feel about it. on one hand im almost relieved, on the other i feel that it would be such a waste.

a waste of 3.5y.

a waste of all the energy that we've poured in.

a waste of all the dreams that i had for our family.

i feel like such a failure, that ive failed dh and ds as well as all of my lost beans.

but maybe it is time to call it a day. concentrate on my degree and try to build new dreams and a new future for us all.

fuck it, i dont want to make this decision. i half wish that the docs would say - nope lissie, you will never have any more dc's. this is it.

I agree with Lulu - maybe there's no need to make any definitive decisions now, just have a temporary break and time out.

Oh Lissie

Can't offer anything useful, other that to reiterate what the others have said. Don't be too hard on yourself, and if possible take a break somewhere....

So sorry

I wouldn't know where to start trying to find the info (I am sure someone on here is more tachnical and could do it) but about 3-4 years ago there was an article in Eve magazine where a few women had gone to a clinic and seen this man and all of them had had years of no pregnancies and after treatment with him, they were all expecting/had had a baby. It seemed more on the side of alternative than IVF iyswim.

Not the one I meant but might be of some use here

I think it might have been this one

wow nab, thank you so much!

My pleasure. I have had some fantastic help on here and if I can help someone else it helps me.

Lissie, I'm so sorry you are facing this decision. You haven't failed. Give your body a rest for a while and see where you end up. x

Oh Lissie,
i really feel for you my lovely!

Im wondering whether you have had the chicago tests level 2 as yet which might hold an answer for you or atleast give you some hope, sorry if you have already stated that you have has these tests.
I dont know really what else to say, i feel exactly the same way about preg friends etc and i too dont like what ive become or indeed recognise the person ive become sometimes but i just know that i can not give up, i just can't but after so many mc's i dont know how many more i can cope with!
I am looking into surrogacy at present, it has given me hope when i thought all was lost, it might be worth considering.
Takecare, sending you a hug.
XXX.

no sue, what are they?

and how are you going about surrogacy? its such a huge decision to make andim not strong enough.

I think you will come to a realisation about when enough is enough at the time that is right for you and not when a medic tell you it is time.

I have had 4 mc, although I have also been lucky to have two dcs. I am pregnant again and I currently have a strong sense that if this one goes wrong, then I've had enough. For me, 5 mc would be too much and I don't think I could go through it all again. For a while I've been wondering if this is just me trying to protect myself, but now I think that this is really, truely what I feel and believe. I feel more at peace with myself now I recognise this - that drive to have another baby just isn't there like it used to be. It wasn't a concious decision on my part, it's just evolved through everything that's happened.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Hi Lissie,
if you look on fertilityfriends web site you will find so much info all about tests people have when they have had recurrent mc's and/or ttc problems. Look under the forum heading investigations and immunology.
Click on link
www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/

The level 2 tests are done by private clinics such as CARE Nottingham, ARGC in London. Google Dr George Ndukwe.
Another good site is this one:
www.carefertilityweb.co.uk/ivf/viewforum.php?f=11

Have you got the book called 'Is you body baby friendly' by Dr Alan Beer. It covers reasons for mc's and infertility etc.. Very good, also explains the level 2 tests in detail.

Again for info on surrogacy and where to begin i popped a question on the surrogacy forum on Fertilityfriends site and many surro's and Ip's answered, very friendly.

For straight surrogacy the expenses range usually from about 8-15K but Host surrogacy is dearer as you have to pay for the ivf and transfer etc...
Surrogacy is not for everyone but im so desperate i can not stop until i am a mummy, thankfully my dh is supportive and is agreeable to surrogacy.

Takecare, hope i haven't wafled on too much!!!

Congrats Neolara and goodluck.
XXX.

Lissie

I know my Mum always said that as long as she knew her babies weren't suffering she could continue, I was her 6th pregnancy.

You have to go with your heart: that's when you will live with for the rest of your life after all.

That therapy NAB linked to- friends had 2 children after 10 years infertility and conceived within 3 months of starting that nutritional stuff. Can't hurt.

Maybe you dont need to decide right away. As lulumama said, maybe you could just have a break for 4-6 months and see how you feel? Give your body a break, maybe even have a little holiday if you can? Use contraception to remove the "what if" aspect too.

This isn?t one of those situations where you give up on ttc and fall pregnant and everything is great, you are able to fall pregnant, it?s what happens after that that relaxing isn?t going to change.

damn let me start again... I wrote that and then took it out but pasted in the wrong thing... so I'll start again...

damn let me start again... I wrote that and then took it out but pasted in the wrong thing... so I'll start again...

damn let me start again... I wrote that and then took it out but pasted in the wrong thing... so I'll start again...

Lissie, This is a decision that is so hard to make, because actively stopping means giving up on something which you?re not ready to give up on in your heart.

Unlike some I don?t necessarily think that the gp is wrong to suggest you stop, or that only you can know when is the right time to stop. Ttc is such an emotional time in our lives that our thought processes are ruled by our emotions rather than rational thought, and therefore what we decide isn?t necessarily the best decision.

I think that for someone who has had multiple miscarriages it?s much harder to actively stop than it is for someone who just hasn?t been able to fall pregnant.

If you?re not getting pregnant at all then you can just carry on as normal, I came off the pill nearly four years ago and haven?t fallen pregnant, and therefore I?ve pretty much given up on the idea of having another baby. But I?ve been able to do that without really having to adjust anything wrt what I?ve been doing. I?ve not fallen pregnant, it?s not happened in nearly four years so it?s not going to happen, therefore I don?t have to actively go back on the pill or start using contraception ? I just have to put it out of my mind. And for the most part I have, bar the occasional blip.

But if you?re having miscarriages you are falling pregnant. And so with every pregnancy must come the hope that this will be the one that sticks, the one that will make your family complete. So giving up on that does mean actively doing something to stop you getting pregnant again, and that is the step that is hardest to take.

I know I will not get pregnant again, but I haven?t actively said that I?ve stopped ttc because I don?t really have to.

But if you are going to stop ttc you have to actively do that.

I do think that considering what you have been through, your body could do with a break, a chance to recover from everything that it has been through, and therefore putting ttc on hold at least would give your body the chance to recover, and, if you decide to go back down that route again, potentially give you a better chance of carrying a baby to term. It would also give you a chance to consider your options wrt surrogacy/adoption, and give you an opportunity to think about those without the added stress of counting the days every month and wondering if you won?t have to think about it.

Could you ask to be referred for some counselling to help you come to terms with the losses you have already suffered, and to help you reconcile your feelings about a future child?

And in the meantime spend some time with you dh and your ds without the added worry that every month brings.

Good luck xx

I couldn't read this and not post. I'm so sorry for your struggles, it must be heartbreaking and you've clearly been incredibly strong to this point. A few years ago, I was in hosp after an ectopic pregnancy and in a side room was a woman having her 6th miscarriage. I heard her crying in the night and it was a sound of complete desolation and will stay with me forever. All I can do is wish you all the best for the future of your family - whatever it holds.

so sorry lissielou. I'd like to echo about acupuncture, my dh and I were trying for our second baby for over a year. My period hadn't arrived, home test negative, doctor's test negative. I looked at Zita West's website and thought I'd give acupuncture a try (didn't want to go down the drugs route just yet) went to about four sessions and found out I was pg. Funny thing is scans show that I was pg when tests were saying - (about 8 weeks gone). In any case, I liked the sessions for the relaxing effect. Sorry for wittering on, Hugs to you and yours, please take some time for yourself

I would say take a break. You're young and having a break, even of 5 years, won't definitely mean the end. It will give you a chance to recover physically and mentally. In that time you could restart the adoption process to fill a gap in your family but I do think you need to give your body a break - it's been through a hell of a lot hasn't it?

x

Lissie, lots of sympathy and best wishes from me too. You find yourself in a very difficult situation a lots of very sensible and supportive things have been said by other posters already.

Look at the positive sides of having had 1 successful pregnancy already - your body CAN do it! I do get the impression from your post that you are mentally/emotionally exhausted and maybe you could look at taking a break from TTC. Stop contraception when you are feeling ready - although I do not know whether one is every ready to deal with the devastation of MC .

Lots of best wishes for you and your family.

(((hugs))) to you Lissie.

I was told after 3 years of TTC DC1 to not put my body through it any more. I was m/c ing about 5 times a year. We decided to let nature take it's course and if it happpened, it happened, 2 1/2 years later after many m/c I was pregnant with DC1.

When we decided to try for DC2 we went back to the fertility clinic and 2 1/2 years later DC2 kicking me in the ribs.

I was told that we wouldn't be able to have any more children and 15 months later I was pregnant with DC3, with no help, no m/c's.

(((hugs))) to you Lissie.

I was told after 3 years of TTC DC1 to not put my body through it any more. I was m/c ing about 5 times a year. We decided to let nature take it's course and if it happpened, it happened, 2 1/2 years later after many m/c I was pregnant with DC1.

When we decided to try for DC2 we went back to the fertility clinic and 2 1/2 years later DC2 kicking me in the ribs.

I was told that we wouldn't be able to have any more children and 15 months later I was pregnant with DC3, with no help, no m/c's.

(((hugs))) to you Lissie.

I was told after 3 years of TTC DC1 to not put my body through it any more. I was m/c ing about 5 times a year. We decided to let nature take it's course and if it happpened, it happened, 2 1/2 years later after many m/c I was pregnant with DC1.

When we decided to try for DC2 we went back to the fertility clinic and 2 1/2 years later DC2 kicking me in the ribs.

I was told that we wouldn't be able to have any more children and 15 months later I was pregnant with DC3, with no help, no m/c's.