How do I ask a friend indirectly if she had a miscarriage so I can be supportive?

[pecanpie]

I was supposed to see a friend yesterday but she cancelled just before the weekend as she had a virus and would be off sick for a week. Sounds suspicious and she's quite like me in that she wouldn't tell anyone about it if she had a miscarriage (so she doesn't know about mine a few weeks ago) and I got the feeling she was pregnant anyway.

So how do I go about letting on that I may have had a similar virus without it sounding dodgy if that's not what the problem is... I just tried to call and hung up because it's a terrible thing to assume if I'm wrong and I don't want her to know about mine if she doesn't have to...

I just want her to know I'm here and to be able to talk to her like everyone does on here and like a friend did for me when I first had my mc.

Any thoughts?

I'm not sure you can - I assume she'd tell you if she wanted you to know.

It doesn't sound as though you are that close if you didn't tell her about yours, so personally I'd probably leave it alone.

Others may disagree though...

i think chequers is right

agree with chequers, if she wants you to know she'll tell you.
she may have other people she is using as a support system, as you obviously did.

i know you mean well, and you want to help if you can, but really I think you have to let her deal with it in her own way.

I agree too. If she wanted you to know she'd have said. If she brings it up it's a different matter, but don't go digging.

Well, it sounds to me that you want to be there for her and that's very kind and she might need it. I would tell her about your mc, and then it's up to her how much she wants to tell you. If you don't want to do that, I am not sure what to do.

Thanks all for your advice