Just suffered my 3rd miscarriage this year, terrified of never having a baby to call my own?

[Noleeen]

Hi, i am new to this and have no idea what i am doing so here goes. I have just siffered my third miscarrige this year. I went off birth control pill at beginning of year, fell pregnant straight away but lost it at 5wks, natural m/c - blighted ovumn. I actually fell pregnant again straight away after this with no period in between, had an early scan at 6wks 5days, saw fetal pol and heartbeat, was so excited from here on in. I went for my next scan at 12wks only to be told it measured 8wks and no longer a h/b, i was completely devastated, i had been tracking the growth of the baby every week and what it would look like only to find out it had died 4wks before, D&C was required this time. I had a period between this and fell pregnant again only to start bleeding again 5days later, natural m/c once again in the form of a chemical pregnancy. I have had blood tests done and so far only got 3 results back, bloodclotting, rubella and one for antibodies all of which have been normal, i am still waiting on another 4. I am 26 years of age and am so scared at the prospect that i will never have a baby of my own. I still think about all 3 m/c BUT it is the 2nd one that has affected me the most and although this happened in July i still get really upset about it. I have no problems getting pregnant, its just holding on to it thats the problem

Hi Noleeen...so sorry to read your post. How incredibly sad for you to have had three m/c's. I had one m/c in between my two daughters. I can't really offer any help/advice but I'm bumping this for you in the hope someone on MN (and I'm sure there will be someone)...can help you. xxxxx

Noleen, am very sorry you've gone through this. I've had 3 miscarriages too, but went on to have a successful pg (DS is now 17 months). I had all the recurrent mc tests, which came back clear (ie there was no problem identified). In my case there was another problem (scarred uterus) which was almost certainly a factor, but despite this I have still had a successful pg, and at an older age than you are now. Two of my friends have also had 3 mcs and have DCs, and many others have had one or two - it is so common really.

I do think the fact that your first pg was a blighted ovum is a good sign that it is not necessarily anything about your body that is causing the mcs. A blighted ovum is just really bad luck - but it doesn't suggest other problems like clotting or anything.

I know how you feel, but don't give up. It is really hard when you have 3 or more mcs. It may take time to recover emotionally but you will do (even though you won' have many t forget), and you have years ahead of you. I hope the tests might give you some answers, but if not, that you will feel encouraged by the fact there is no reason why you shouldn't have a child one day.

This is a long post, sorry, but just one last thing - I know many women who have had acupuncture when ttc after mc, and it might help.

Hope you go on to have good news in the future. Take care.

Sorry for the gibberish in that - mean to say "even though you won't forget"

Hi, Im so sorry this has happened to you. I was in a similar position to you last year(year before??), but I already had 2 children so it is slightly different.

I had a missed m/c at 12 weeks, no warning just bleeding. I think I recovered pretty well but then a couple of months later, I got pregnant again and 'tracked' my pregnancy week by week, at 10 weeks they said it was no longer viable, even though I had been watching it grow every week That is hard, isn't it. I too had a d&c, but I'm still upset about it now. I had got to the stage where I thought I wouldn't be able to carry any more children.

Immediately after, I got pregnant again, I bled at 5 weeks and started to give up again, but it turned out to be a haematoma. I still bled throughout the pregnancy, but was convinced that I would lose the baby. I didn't and he's a healthy 5 month old now, but I refused to accept him for a while.

I really feel for you, and hope that one day it will happen

Perhaps when/if you decide to get pregnant again, you may think about not having any early scans done. I know that sounds odd, but it was hell for me going back and forwards to the hospital to see if my baby was there, IYSWIM? At least hold off until 8 weeks or so, as with a heartbeat, chances of m/c are under 1%.

Keep talking about it, even if it's on here, because it will just fester in your mind. That was my biggest mistake. Telling everyone you're fine...etc. I believe my m/c has contributed to my PND, so please try to talk it through.

Sorry for waffling, just wanted you to know that you are not alone. The conception boards would be good if you do decide to try again.

just wanted to add my voice and say sorry you have been through this this year

I had two MCs between my DS and DD and it is so very hard, especially the second one as I was so sure it wouldn't happen again. Like you that one was a chemical pregnancy but it doesn't make the loss any easier.

There are lots of women on here who have had three (and more) miscarriages and have gone on to deliver healthy happy babies, so it is possible.

I'm not sure if there is a recurrent miscarriage support thread, but there is the miscarriage avengers thread in conception for those trying to get pregnant and the knicker checkers anonymous thread in pregnancy for those pregnant again after a miscarriage, which was a great support to me during my pregnancy with DD and my current pregnancy.

I hope that your results are all normal and that next time will be your time. And please try not to worry about your age, 26 is still very young.......I'll be 40 three months after having this baby!

Good Luck and be kind to yourself

Thanks for all you answers. I have decided, all beign well with my test results that if i do get pregnant again i will not go for an early scan because i feel having seen it on screen and then have it taken away from em has been really hard for me to cope with. Although i think about all 3 m/c its m/c number 2 that has affected me the most. This site is of great help because i just feel as though im depressing my friends and family at home by always moaning, well i don't actually moan that much because to be honest i hold alot back. I phoned for the rest of my results and they are still not through so the doctor who organised them is to ring me when she is back in surgery tomorrow

You are not moaning. You are grieving. You have a right to be upset and out of sorts. 'Talking' om here is great for organising your emotions. I went through some of the archives on the m/c board, just to see other people perspectives, opinions and feelings. Arm yourself with a cuppa first though

If you have never had a m/c, it can be hard to understand how you are feeling, so for people close to you, dp etc.. you have to tell them how you feel,that you need to talk about it to recover and eventually move on.

Hope this helps

I have begun to realise that, until you have been through something yourself you have no idea how the person is feeling. It's putting real strain on my relationship as he doesn't seem to understand how im feeling and also 'being a man' refuses to show or talk about how he's feeling or coping.

Yep, dp was like that too, until someone at work suffered the same thing, (the wife), and he talked to him about it. I think it took a while for him to realise that we had lost a child, not a thing or a pregnancy.

It is very hard, and there are no right answers. Would he be better off talking to someone else about it?

When I had the 1st m/c, people said that, oh it was only a fetus/embryo/you haven't got attached/you don't really know it/thank god it was earlier than later!!, All well meaning, but not on really!

It doesn't matter how old/young/undeveloped it was, it was yours! I said to my mum, "so it's better to lose a newborn than to lose a year old baby, because you didn't really know it!!" By her reasoning! I just don't think she had ever really thought about. Perhaps dp is not thinking about it to protect you. IYSWIM??

I am far too waffly and rambly today! Sorry And apologies for using 'it'.

Hi, yes i completely see what you are saying. Hopefully as they say times a healer and if we can start to talk about things as a couple then it might not be as bad, at the minute i just feel as though nobody at home understands me

You are not moaning....you are sharing how you feel with loads of lovely MNrs who either have or haven't been through similar awful times in their lives.

When I had my M/C I was about 10wks PG. It was horrible. Absolutely horrible. One minute you're on a complete high and the next its all gone. I went to my GP who told me, in a very blunt manner, it wasn't meant to be. I kept asking myself 'but why me?'.

What I did find though was it helped to talk. I also found a lot of my friends had also suffered with M/C's yet I didn't know because they also found it hard to talk about.

I also found it really hard to talk to DH...he tended to shut the subject away and so we never really spoke about the M/C or confided in each other about how we felt. Some time later (months) he finally opened up and sobbed like a child. It was then that I could see how much it had affected him too, after all it was his baby too.

Men deal with things very differently to us women, imo. I think women tend to be more open with their feelings and appreciate having people around to talk to. In my experience men tend to shut things away and find it really hard to show their emotions etc.

Noleeen...keep posting on here - you will be fine. Good luck with your results this week. xxxx

Am so sorry for what you are going through.
3 pg in one year is a lot, and your emotions and body need time to recover.

My friend's wife had recurrent miscarriages at 5 or so weeks and have just had a baby boy. The mother had some kind of blood clotting problem.

Maybe you should avoid TTC for a while and give your body time to recover. I got pg at 35, and 26 is very young.

Please don't take offence when i say to you that there is more to life than being a mother: Babies take over your whole life, so please use this time to perhaps do things you won't be able to do when you have your little one in your arms, eg, further education. I know you are upset and sad, i can't imagine the distress you are feeling. I hope you have the happy ending/beginning you want.

Everyone is just so lovely on this site and it is so comforting to hear of others who have been in similar situations and how they have dealt with the matter at hand. I never really think of my 1st and 3rd miscarriage as much as my second and i think its because i only seen the second on ultrasound and saw the heartbeat. Sometimes i think its wrong for me not to consider the 1st and 3rd angels as important as the 2nd, i guess i am just mixed emotions about everything going on around me. Its just so hard when everywhere you go there's a mother pushing her newborn or a pregnant lady and as much as i coo over the babies i just so wish it was me. I am a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason but i find it so hard sometimes when i think '3 times'

Noleeen....I know what you mean when you say everywhere you look you see pregnant ladies and babies....

I was told I couldn't naturally conceive (no eggs) and DH and I were considering IVF when a very close friend of mine announced she was expecting her second child. It was so hard not to crumble on the spot but I told her how pleased I was and walked away. Some weeks later when I finally told her my bad news she couldn't believe how well I'd dealt with it considering her pregnancy too. I watched her bump grow and during that time DH and I decided not to go for IVF and accept the fact we would never have children. My friend had a beautiful baby girl and during that time I fell pregnant myself, naturally...complete shock but it happened!

I don't want you to take this the wrong way and I know how dreadfully upset you are with having 3 m/c's and in particular pregnancy number 2...but look at it like this...atleast you didn't lose a baby...ie a baby you had given birth to...gone through 9 months of carrying, watching it grow on scans and feel move inside you....there are 1000s of Mums who have lost their babies at birth or during their early years...

When I had my m/c my GP said it wasn't to be...and be thankful you didn't lose it later in pregnancy or during the birth etc.

There was clearly something wrong with all three of your pregnancies Noleeen and I really do hope I don't sound harsh but atleast you lost them relatively early on. A friend of mine had a stillborn only last year. She was full-term too. It stopped moving just a few hours before her C-section. She was, understandably, completely devastated. To lose a perfectly formed baby like that, to cradle it in your arms and say goodbye to it, and bury it was so hard for her.

I'm sorry if I sound blunt with this post but sometimes nature plays tricks on us and perhaps nature knew all three of your pregnancies were not meant to be either and hopefully your test results will pin-point where you need the help and will lead to a successful and happy pregnancy with a desperately needed and much loved baby at the end. xxxx

Hi, i do know that i am lucky i didn't go further on with the pregnancy, the week before i found out about my 2nd m/c my friend had a stillborn baby at 7 months, she has 2 boys, had 1 m/c in Novemeber last year and then this, i am completely devastated about my m/c BUT when i think on her i do realise that there are people worse off than me and tried my best and still do to comfort her.

My doctor phoned me there, said all the tests were back normal and that they are just putting it down to bad luck and that my womb just hadn't prepared itself properly after each m/c

whispywhisp, I know you mean well, but quantifying grief is rarely helpful... a miscarriage sufferer might feel quite hurt at having their grief compared; plus in the past mc has been frequently belittled as being a 'lesser' loss.

noleeen, I am very sorry for your miscarriages. I have had three (non-recurrent) miscarriages and they were all very different too (v early; 6.5 weeks after sac was seen; blighted ovum), which does suggest 'bad luck' rather than a pattern - as indeed it was in my case; I am lucky enough to have two children, one conceived after my first miscarriage and the other after two successive ones. With 3 consecutive mcs it is important to have investigation, particularly because in one of them a heartbeat was seen, but there is also reason to hope. Lesley Regan's book is very detailed but still approachably written.

berolina...did I compare losing a baby to having a m/c? I don't think I did actually. Having had a m/c myself I know very well how it feels. All I was stating is that sometimes, just sometimes, nature plays a part in these awful moments....and perhaps does it for the best. Whereas to lose a full-term baby or a baby during birth/early stages of life is enormously devastating....I am not belittling the loss felt by miscarriages but just sympathising from a different angle to you, perhaps.

Hi Noleeen, I sympathise with you. Thank you for posting as I have found threads have helped me too. I have just had an op today at hospital to remove an 8+ weeks missed miscarriage (I hope), or something more complicated like Molar pregnancy (I'm praying not - will have to wait around 6 weeks to know). I really feel for you as 3 in a row will understandably have put an incredible amount of strain on you, particularly psychologically. Please don't give up (unless you need to for awhile), and do investigate if possible. I have a dd and feel extremely fortunate that I've had her first. A friend had a 3 month molar pregnancy before having her ds, then had a miscarriage at 2 monthes, now due again in Jan. Her experiences give me more hope. At 26 you may have 19 or so years to keep trying, I'm 31 and trying to think in terms of years to go, maybe will help you? (I've wanted another one for around 18mths). I have to be honest though and say I try to think this, but today sat full out screaming at one point at the loss and my feeling of desperation for another baby now:thought I would explode. I know this maybe harder to hear from me as you are hoping for number one, but I still wanted to say there are lots feeling the same as you, you are not alone. The feeling of screaming 'why me' is with others too. I do really feel for you for 3 in a row. (Also my dh wasn't fully 'emotionally' supportive until dd was around 3-6mths, he doesn't understand/'get'/appreciate pregnancy or newborns at all, I found support in my Mum and MIL. Maybe yours is similar? Dh has had 'rocky' time, but always been great with dd now).

Perhaps in grieving dc2 you are also grieving dc1 and dc3, so shouldn't feel bad to do this (by the way 'dc' means darling/dear child, so counts for either sex, in case you hadn't seen this one: I hope I don't offend in suggesting this). I will count dc2 as dc2 and grieve for a baby because even having one already, I still count this baby as a baby (carried my dreams that I'd hoped for months)and know from other experiences I'm better feeling the worst now, then looking ahead. So I agree with berolina initially, but in the long run it will also be whispywhisps thoughts that I will also have: I would rather loose, and say goodbye to a baby now, than to have lost it at a later stage. From your comments you sound the same and I'm really hoping for you to stay ok &positive, and things will workout so one day you will look at your baby and have relief and joy (well maybe after awhile, giving birth can play havic with hormones so you may still feel 'sad' after birth, particularly given experiences). Hope this helps, best wishes.

BTW berolina and whispywhips, I agree with you both, hopeyou don't mind me adding support to them in last thread.

Hi, of course i don't mind other people leaving support for others on this tread, i feel everyone on here is or has been in a simlar position. I just feel as though everythin is falling apart around me, ive lost 3 babies this year and now after over 6yrs together dp and i have gone our seperate ways also. Im trying to keep the mind that 2008 has just been a very bad year for me and roll on 2009

whispy, I have in fact found it immensely helpful, in my own mcs, to remind myself what a lot of marvellous processes the body goes through to create and establish a pregnancy and that it is almost inevitable that sometimes some of these will go wrong. I also think most people who have miscarried know that a stillbirth or neo-natal death is a loss quite incomparable to theirs; I myself have people close to me who have gone through both and know my losses are nothing to theirs. I am not doubting that you mean absolutely well. However, I do think it is not always helpful and can sometimes be harmful for a mc sufferer to hear 'it was for the best and others have suffered worse'. I don't want to argue on Noleeen's thread (sorry noleeen) so will leave it here

Noleeen...how are you today? xxx

Hi, its being almost 1 month since my most recent m/c and it only seems to be now that i am really grieving all 3. I havn't had a proper nights sleep in over 1week and just seem to be crying ALL THE TIME, im just hoping that talking about things and getting it all out of my system will help me to start moving on and look forward instead of back. I guess times the real healer

Hiya Noleeen...time is a healer, I completely agree with that. Having lost someone very close to my heart (my lovely Dad) almost 3yrs ago....lots of people told me 'time is a healer'...and I rubbished that thought initially but as time has gone on it does help.

Now you've got your tests results back...what is your next step? Do you go for further investigation?

I went through a big phase in my life when all I wanted was a baby...when I was told I could never have any it came as such a huge shock and to say I was devastated was an understatement! I used to see babies everywhere...and loads of young children (toddlers) being shouted at by their Mums and I used to say to myself 'you don't know how lucky you are!'...I felt like I wanted to go and grab the child and take it home! I went through so many disappointing months of knowing I wasn't pregnant (this was before I was told I couldn't have them)...I'd sit on the loo having started a period and just sob my heart out. I used to keep my feelings to myself..never uttering a word to DH because to him it was 'it'll happen if it happens' but I desperately wanted to be a Mum.

You sound such a lovely caring loving person Noleeen....you would make such a lovely Mum....what are you going to do next? xxx