Missed Miscarriage at 12 week scan

[minimonstera]

Hello, this was my first pregnancy and I went for my 12 week scan yesterday and discovered my baby was smaller than it should have been and had no heartbeat. I’m utterly devastated. I was told the baby stopped growing at 8 weeks. 💔

They told me I have three options with miscarriage management, wait for the tissue to pass naturally, take a pill or have an operation. I have had absolutely no bleeding and no majorly painful cramps at any point in my pregnancy.

At this current time I am too traumatised to go back to hospital, after what happened yesterday so I’m opting to wait for it to happen naturally.

I just wanted to ask on here if anyone had the same experience and opted to wait for it to happen naturally. I’m so sorry to anyone who has also experienced this, yesterday was the worst day of my life.

I think waiting for it to occur naturally is the right choice for me but any advice from anyone who has been through it would be greatly received. ❤️

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Sorry for your loss op

sadly I have lots of experience of miscarriages I've had 6

ive had the pill for my 2nd miscarriage which was discovered at my 12 week scan and had no issues at all

My first miscarriage I passed naturally but this took on and off three weeks . It was the hardest mentally because it dragged on for some long

I hate hospitals so the thought of a d&c filled me with the dread but I think it's the quickest way for all to be over .

However one benefit on medical management is that you can do it at home . The worst was over after a few hours and I then bled like a heavy period for a week or two .

I’m so sorry for your loss. MMC are so cruel

My 2nd MC was a missed one and also found out at the scan. Opted for natural as my first and thought it would all happen quickly.

I waited 11 days which I found very traumatic and when I did start to miscarry I ended up in hospital with excessive bleeding as I had retained products. Had manual removal of clots 3 times, blood transfusion and eventually medication as the surgery list was so long.

I would always advise taking medication or having surgery rather than waiting naturally. I’m now almost 3 weeks post the excessive bleeding and still struggling with the emotional side of it all.

I wish you all the best. It’s such a lonely place to be - please make sure you are taking care of yourself ❤️

First of allI, I’m so sorry you are going through this sad time. I wish you strength and healing.

didn’t have the choice when I had my missed miscarriage - it was discovered at a scan last thing on a Friday, no one was at the hospital to talk over options - I was just given a number but that turned out to be the Labour ward. The following Monday I went back into the hospital and had to sit with a bunch of pregnant women before I could find someone to help me. I was told it was too late for me to choose the surgical option - which I would have preferred. This was 13 years ago and I really hope they’ve improved.

I did have mild contractions and a lot of bleeding. What was strange was this was happening when I was at the school gates dropping off DD, taking her to her ballet class and sitting in the waiting room - carrying on as normal while this sad and uncomfortable process was happening to my body.

TW - if you don’t want to read about what passes from the body, skip reading the next bit.

I really hope this isn’t insensitive or indelicate, but it’s information that helped me. I wanted to take the foetus to the hospital to be cremated by the chaplain. This is not what everyone needs/finds helpful - some people prefer to let everything pass naturally and not have to see the foetus itself - and it’s important to do what’s right for you and your personal grieving process.. What I found most stressful over the weekend of finding out I’d had an MMC and being able to talk to someone was knowing what to look out for. I ended up using a cardboard bed pan when I went to the toilet until it passed so I could catch it. We went back to the hospital with it and the support nurse put a flower with it and I found that very comforting- as I say, we’re all different, but it was important to me. My husband at the time didn’t want to see it with me, so having time with the nurse as a support and a witness helped me process what had happened. I have friends that went through MMC who didn’t choose to do this and that was right for them.

I have OCD which is exacerbated by giving birth. It was very pronounced when I had my daughter and was very pronounced after my MMC, so I can imagine the hormones involved can affect mental health in some people. If you do have any signs or symptoms of depression, then don’t be afraid to ask for health.

sending much love 💐

@minimonstera I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been where you are and miscarried the day after naturally. Women have varying experiences of this but mine was very painless, just a couple of cramps and an afternoon in the bathroom ❤️

Next time it happened I had a d&c and that recovery was just as smooth. After each instance my period returned 4 weeks after. The grief is nothing like I've experienced, I found talking about it really helped so do keep reaching out xx

OMG! Thank you! I have just joined today after browsing for a little while.

I am sorry you experienced this too. Thank you so much for sharing what you went through ❤️

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry you went through all of that! But I’m glad you came through it. Thank you so much for sharing, I really appreciate it x

Oh @ThatshallotBaby I am so sorry to hear that 💔 thank you so much x

Much the same as me, except my scan was at 20 weeks. I'd put on weight and looked pregnant.

Even after the scan and for a couple of days, pregnancy tests were positive. It did seem that my body had to adjust and recognise I wasn't pregnant.

@minimonstera I'm so sorry, it truly is a horrendous experience. The same thing happened to me in February at the 12 wk scan and I'll never forget that feeling and the words the sonograoher said. Do whatever you feel comfortable with 🩷 I chose the surgical management as I was too traumatised already and wanted it over asap. I was booked in two days later and still didn't have signs of anything happening. My baby was measuring 8 weeks too.
Whatever you choose to do, take time to grieve and make sure you take time off work. I had two weeks but I was still so emotional after that and had moments of breaking down. Look after yourself 💕

So sorry OP :(

I went for the surgical option too as I couldn't face the thought of having to go through both medical management AND the chance of surgical management if the pills didn't get rid of everything. It was a 10/15 min procedure and all over. It was absolutely the right decision for me. The thought of it lingering over my head and the 'Is it over or isn't it?' would have destroyed me - but everyone is different and you have to do what you feel would be best for you.
All the best with your healing journey x

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's happened to me twice and it's just awful. Try to rest, take time off work and let all the feelings come.
The first time it happened to me my body did what it was supposed to a day or two later. It was upsetting but happened quickly and wasn't very painful. Just like a v bad period.
However the second time my scan was on the first day of Covid lockdown 1. I was told there was no option for surgery but I could go home and wait. Anyway long story short I waited 3.5 weeks and nothing happened. i still felt pregnant so started to think they'd made a mistake. Obviously they hadn't. After many phone calls a 2nd scan revealed it was a molar pregnancy! Which is where a foetus that doesn't ever develop properly and is a bunch of cells that actually come with crazy hormone levels and a cancer risk. So I had to have surgery. Both were horrible but the natural way at home was more private, personal and calmer.

So sorry OP I also had a pregnancy that ended at 8 weeks. It is so incredibly challenging. I ended up having a miscarriage naturally at home as my body had started to expel the baby and they said it would probably happen before the surgery date.

I was fortunate in that I didn't find the process very painful at all and blood loss wasn't excessive. I can totally understand your hesitation to go back into hospital. All I would say is that people can find natural management very challenging as it can be painful and lots of blood loss. With the hospital procedure at least you won't end up with a potentially scary situation at home so something to consider. If your body hasn't processed the loss yet it could also be a while before it does so think about how you feel about that.

Check out the worst girl gang book or Instagram page. Really supportive community and good advice I found it really helpful. Tommy's and The Miscarriage Association helplines are great too. All the best

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

I've had 3 MMCs and 3 surgeries - for me I didn't want it to go on, I just wanted it over with as soon as possible so I could move forward and try again, any time spent waiting felt like wasted time. I also prefer to separate the medical side of things and the emotional, and felt I couldn't process the emotions until the physical side was all done.

There's no right choice - it's whatever works for you x

I could have written your post @minimonstera - my recent MMC was very similar. Went for scan at 12 weeks, baby had died at 8+1. I’d had a private reassurance scan at 7+6 and saw a heartbeat. I’d had symptoms throughout the first trimester and not a speck of blood or abnormal cramping.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s just so so shit and feels so cruel. I promise it will get better - the only thing that helps is time I think. I’m now 5 weeks out from it and I still have wobbles and feel quite angry and upset from time to time, but the pain of it is less acute than it was in those initial days.

I don’t know if this will help you at all, but the nurse told me she sees about 5 MMCs a day. It’s horrible to think how common it is, but it helped me to understand it’s just one of those unlucky things, and nothing I did caused it, and I couldn’t have prevented it. My body just really wanted to be pregnant and held on to a baby that wasn’t meant to be.

I initially though I would wait too - the thought of forcibly evicting the baby I had wanted so much was too upsetting, but I slept on it and the next day I knew it would be better mentally for me to have treatment. I felt I couldn’t move forward until my body understood it had miscarried. I also felt myself starting to get angry at my body for not getting with the programme, and I wanted to avoid that! The kindest thing I could do for myself was help my body along.

I went for medical management - two vaginal pessaries in the hospital (zero discomfort when inserting) and two tablets orally at home the following day. They gave me drugs for possible D&V but I luckily didn’t experience either.

The actual miscarrying was obviously not pleasant and was sad - lots of pregnancy tissue, clots etc, but it thankfully started quickly (a few hours) and was short lived. I just focused on changing the pads often, tried not to torture myself by looking too closely, and curled up with a hot water bottle and some painkillers for a day or two. The cramping was occasionally intense but ok. I got a prescription for codeine just in case and ended up taking one just to take the edge off. The cramping stopped after a day, and I then bled for about 10 days, but it was lighter for a lot of that - much like a period.

Annoyingly I am still getting a slight positive on a pregnancy test 5 weeks on, and have had some (painless) additional bleeding the last week or so. I’ve had a follow up scan and it showed a small amount of blood product still coming out, but hopefully it’ll all be done soon.

Sorry for the long message but I hope that helps. Happy to answer any questions.

I’m so sorry again for your loss. For now, grieve your loss, cry and scream into a few pillows (I did!). But I promise you will not only survive, but be happy again and everything will be ok xx

I would opt for the operation as I bled very heavily, very suddenly to the point my husband almost called an ambulance. I was around 10 weeks but think it stopped developing a couple of weeks before.

Sorry for your loss. 🌹

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I've had a few but my 12 week missed began naturally a couple of days after hearing. I ended up in hospital as I was scared by the amount of bleeding 😞

So sorry OP, I had the exact same experience. Was sent home with not much help (phone back on Monday type thing). Over the weekend it started. It was very sudden, very painful and very traumatic. I couldn't leave the bathroom for a couple of hours. It was like some PP have said, a mini labour, with painful contractions. There was a huge, terrifying amount of blood loss and I ended up passing out and an ambulance being called.
I then had to have a D and C under gas and air in A and E.

I would personally take the surgical option. For many reasons, but msinly because otherwise you can't really leave the house until it has happened. I definitely would not have wanted to be in a public place when it started.

I remember feeling so terribly sad - it was just awful. But I went on to have lovely children, when I felt ready to try again, so please don't worry xxx

OP I had this and opted for the pills and wish I hadn't. I was sat on the loo for ages when they finally kicked in with gushes of blood and clots coming out and it prolonged the whole experience and made it more traumatic for me. Then had to have follow up scans so was surrounded by a room full of pregnant women which was also horrid. We were abroad and surgery wasn't offered.
I'd def go for surgery.
And it's ok to feel however you feel right now..bitter, angry, sad.
I went on to have DD straight after, have hope but heal first.

I am so sorry you went through that 😞 thank you so much for sharing with me x

Thank you so much and sorry you experienced it too x

Thank you so much @Nori10 and I am so sorry you’ve been through it many times x

I’m sorry you went through this too! Thank you for sharing your thread, I’ve read through it and find it helpful. Xx

Thank you @Itsdefinitelytimeforanamechange this really helps. I’m terribly sorry you experienced this too. It was so traumatic and I can’t bare the thought of seeing a hospital right now. X