Page 3 | Missed Miscarriage at 12 week scan

minimonstera · 2024-06-21T14:40:39+00:00

Hello, this was my first pregnancy and I went for my 12 week scan yesterday and discovered my baby was smaller than it should have been and had no heartbeat. I’m utterly devastated. I was told the baby stopped growing at 8 weeks. 💔 They told me I have three options with miscarriage management, wait for the tissue to pass naturally, take a pill or have an operation. I have had absolutely no bleeding and no majorly painful cramps at any point in my pregnancy. At this current time I am too traumatised to go back to hospital, after what happened yesterday so I’m opting to wait for it to happen naturally. I just wanted to ask on here if anyone had the same experience and opted to wait for it to happen naturally. I’m so sorry to anyone who has also experienced this, yesterday was the worst day of my life. I think waiting for it to occur naturally is the right choice for me but any advice from anyone who has been through it would be greatly received. ❤️

Original poster

minimonstera · 22/06/2024 08:58

Lou490 · 21/06/2024 17:55

I’m so sorry, all miscarriages are awful but missed miscarriages are especially cruel. I was in the exact same position as you last summer and it floored me physically and psychologically.

I know different treatment options are right for different people, i too opted to see if anything would happen naturally and whilst it started naturally I ended up having a procedure as after 6 days it was nowhere near over and it was absolute agony, and I feel I have a high pain threshold too. I was awake during the procedure and I found this mentally upsetting but physically ok.

Give yourself time and space to grieve, take time off work. It’s really hard, I found the month my baby was due particularly awful even all those months later. I still think about it a lot now almost 11 months later, but I try to think of it as an experience that has made me stronger and I will be there to help and guide any friends who may go through anything similar in the future (so strange but the only silver lining I can find really).

Oh @Lou490 I am so sorry and totally get it. Mine doesn’t seem to want to happen and it is worrying me but the thought of going to a hospital right now stresses me out too. Thank you for sharing and I totally get the due date thing, I still keep thinking about mine and what it is going to be like when I get there. Sending love x

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Original poster

minimonstera · 22/06/2024 09:01

AFeastForCrows · 21/06/2024 18:26

I’m so sorry for your loss. MMC are so cruel

My 2nd MC was a missed one and also found out at the scan. Opted for natural as my first and thought it would all happen quickly.

I waited 11 days which I found very traumatic and when I did start to miscarry I ended up in hospital with excessive bleeding as I had retained products. Had manual removal of clots 3 times, blood transfusion and eventually medication as the surgery list was so long.

I would always advise taking medication or having surgery rather than waiting naturally. I’m now almost 3 weeks post the excessive bleeding and still struggling with the emotional side of it all.

I wish you all the best. It’s such a lonely place to be - please make sure you are taking care of yourself ❤️

Oh @AFeastForCrows I am so sorry you went through that 💔😞

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Original poster

minimonstera · 22/06/2024 09:03

Servalan · 21/06/2024 18:27

First of allI, I’m so sorry you are going through this sad time. I wish you strength and healing.

didn’t have the choice when I had my missed miscarriage - it was discovered at a scan last thing on a Friday, no one was at the hospital to talk over options - I was just given a number but that turned out to be the Labour ward. The following Monday I went back into the hospital and had to sit with a bunch of pregnant women before I could find someone to help me. I was told it was too late for me to choose the surgical option - which I would have preferred. This was 13 years ago and I really hope they’ve improved.

I did have mild contractions and a lot of bleeding. What was strange was this was happening when I was at the school gates dropping off DD, taking her to her ballet class and sitting in the waiting room - carrying on as normal while this sad and uncomfortable process was happening to my body.

TW - if you don’t want to read about what passes from the body, skip reading the next bit.

I really hope this isn’t insensitive or indelicate, but it’s information that helped me. I wanted to take the foetus to the hospital to be cremated by the chaplain. This is not what everyone needs/finds helpful - some people prefer to let everything pass naturally and not have to see the foetus itself - and it’s important to do what’s right for you and your personal grieving process.. What I found most stressful over the weekend of finding out I’d had an MMC and being able to talk to someone was knowing what to look out for. I ended up using a cardboard bed pan when I went to the toilet until it passed so I could catch it. We went back to the hospital with it and the support nurse put a flower with it and I found that very comforting- as I say, we’re all different, but it was important to me. My husband at the time didn’t want to see it with me, so having time with the nurse as a support and a witness helped me process what had happened. I have friends that went through MMC who didn’t choose to do this and that was right for them.

I have OCD which is exacerbated by giving birth. It was very pronounced when I had my daughter and was very pronounced after my MMC, so I can imagine the hormones involved can affect mental health in some people. If you do have any signs or symptoms of depression, then don’t be afraid to ask for health.

sending much love 💐

Hi @Servalan thank you so much for sharing this. I cried reading through it and I can totally relate because I would want the same thing too. Thank you xxx

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Original poster

minimonstera · 22/06/2024 09:05

jellyfish2 · 21/06/2024 19:08

@minimonstera I'm so sorry, it truly is a horrendous experience. The same thing happened to me in February at the 12 wk scan and I'll never forget that feeling and the words the sonograoher said. Do whatever you feel comfortable with 🩷 I chose the surgical management as I was too traumatised already and wanted it over asap. I was booked in two days later and still didn't have signs of anything happening. My baby was measuring 8 weeks too.
Whatever you choose to do, take time to grieve and make sure you take time off work. I had two weeks but I was still so emotional after that and had moments of breaking down. Look after yourself 💕

Thank you @jellyfish2 ❤️❤️

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Original poster

minimonstera · 22/06/2024 09:05

ThelastRolo20 · 21/06/2024 18:37

@minimonstera I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been where you are and miscarried the day after naturally. Women have varying experiences of this but mine was very painless, just a couple of cramps and an afternoon in the bathroom ❤️

Next time it happened I had a d&c and that recovery was just as smooth. After each instance my period returned 4 weeks after. The grief is nothing like I've experienced, I found talking about it really helped so do keep reaching out xx

Thank you @ThelastRolo20 ❤️ xx

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Itsdefinitelytimeforanamechange · 22/06/2024 09:44

minimonstera · 22/06/2024 08:56

Thank you @Itsdefinitelytimeforanamechange this really helps. I’m terribly sorry you experienced this too. It was so traumatic and I can’t bare the thought of seeing a hospital right now. X

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I also just wanted to add that I now have 2 amazing children and feel so blessed and it makes me more grateful having had a difficult journey to get here. The miscarriage (and my second one too) feel like a lifetime ago now and although the memories are still there, time massively helps to process what happened. Sending so many positive thoughts to you, so much support seen here from other women on this thread who have all sadly experienced similar. I wish I had known about mumsnet a few years ago as reading about other experiences would have made me feel less alone and unsure of what was happening. Thank you for creating this thread so that others can find support here too xx

holi2024 · 22/06/2024 09:46

@minimonstera sorry for your loss :( I had exactly the same at my 12 week scan and it was devastating. First pregnancy too and naively didn’t even know a “missed” miscarriage was a thing. I also thought I’d wait it out but changed my mind fairly quickly and had surgical management 4 days later. This was 2.5 weeks ago now and although I’m not “over it” I do feel like I can move on from it now. Do whatever you’re comfortable with and I wish you the very best. X

Itsdefinitelytimeforanamechange · 22/06/2024 09:52

holi2024 · 22/06/2024 09:46

@minimonstera sorry for your loss :( I had exactly the same at my 12 week scan and it was devastating. First pregnancy too and naively didn’t even know a “missed” miscarriage was a thing. I also thought I’d wait it out but changed my mind fairly quickly and had surgical management 4 days later. This was 2.5 weeks ago now and although I’m not “over it” I do feel like I can move on from it now. Do whatever you’re comfortable with and I wish you the very best. X

I’m sorry to hear this happened to you. Mine was my first pregnancy too and I hadn’t heard of a missed miscarriage either, I assumed if it happened I would know immediately. I was also late 20’s so I thought my chances were very low. So when it did happen I was totally unprepared and it look a long time to process. With my subsequent pregnancies my anxiety was very high but when I had another earlier miscarriage I sort of expected it to happen so it wasn’t so traumatic

VolvoFan · 22/06/2024 10:09

I'm so sorry this happened to you 💐I had similar last year, and was also my first baby. It was an empty sac measuring 5w3d at a 7 week scan, so there wasn't even a heartbeat yet. They pushed me to have surgical management, but I chose to wait it out. I randomly haemorrhaged, ie golf ball-sized clots, every 2-3 weeks until hCG levels crashed. My cycles have been a bit wonky ever since, but I know they will settle soon. Every woman, pregnancy and miscarriage is different. Don't feel guilty, there's nothing you could have done to prevent it. Take your time to decide what you'd like to do, take it easy and be kind to yourself xx

Original poster

minimonstera · 22/06/2024 10:45

Thank you so much to everyone who is sharing their stories and giving me comfort. I am literally in tears reading every single account of what you’ve been through. I’m still a complete mess and totally confused so I’ll give myself some more time. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for connecting with me and making me feel not so alone. ❤️

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Natsash · 22/06/2024 13:59

I'm so sorry this happened to you!
My first pregnancy was also a MMC/blighted ovum. The post Covid backlog was so bad that my booking appointment was on the day of the scan, I only had my maternity notes for an hour before they were taken away.

I opted for the D&C, I absolutely didn't want to wait for it to progress naturally as I know myself and I know the longer I waited the more I'd hope that the scan was wrong (I also had a private scan to confirm as we couldn't come to terms with it). The medically managed termination would have been at the hospital, but again we don't know how long it would have taken and how painful I would be, I didn't want to put me or my partner through the suffering of what would have felt to us as termination.
I guess in my mind the D&C felt more like a procedure, like something went wrong and they were fixing me, I was put under so didn't have to think of anything. It was just done. We worked through our grief at home, knowing it was over.

I know everyone processes differently, but that was the best option for us.

spiderlight · 22/06/2024 14:09

I'm so sorry. I had the same thing happen with my second pregnancy and miscarried naturally at home - things started about six days after the scan. It took ten days from starting bleeding to actually passing the sac, and I hate to say this but it was very painful, with hours of full-on contractions every night, and I lost a lot of blood. If I were in the same position again, I don't think I would go through it naturally.

So very sorry for your loss

Notsuredontknow · 22/06/2024 15:00

Hello OP, I’m so sorry for your loss. I found out yesterday at a private scan that there’s no heartbeat in my 8 week pregnancy. I’m waiting for the hospital to contact me. It was a shock as I had no symptoms that anything wasn’t right. Thank you for starting this thread, I’ve found it very helpful.

I had a MMC a few years back and it happened naturally at home before I could get an appointment at the EPU. For me, it was painful but not unbearable. I was surprised by the physical side of things though, naively I hadn’t expected so much blood and it was frightening at times. My GP called me that evening and said I should go to A&E based on the amount of blood as I’d described it to her. I did and it was awful - waiting on my own in A&E for hours (no partners allowed because of lockdown). I was finally checked by a lovely gynae doctor and I suppose it was reassuring that she examined me and could confirm all looked ok. I think this time I will opt for a D&C though as I would prefer for it to be over quickly.

I’m sending you a big hug at this very sad time x

Original poster

minimonstera · 22/06/2024 22:48

Notsuredontknow · 22/06/2024 15:00

Hello OP, I’m so sorry for your loss. I found out yesterday at a private scan that there’s no heartbeat in my 8 week pregnancy. I’m waiting for the hospital to contact me. It was a shock as I had no symptoms that anything wasn’t right. Thank you for starting this thread, I’ve found it very helpful.

I had a MMC a few years back and it happened naturally at home before I could get an appointment at the EPU. For me, it was painful but not unbearable. I was surprised by the physical side of things though, naively I hadn’t expected so much blood and it was frightening at times. My GP called me that evening and said I should go to A&E based on the amount of blood as I’d described it to her. I did and it was awful - waiting on my own in A&E for hours (no partners allowed because of lockdown). I was finally checked by a lovely gynae doctor and I suppose it was reassuring that she examined me and could confirm all looked ok. I think this time I will opt for a D&C though as I would prefer for it to be over quickly.

I’m sending you a big hug at this very sad time x

Omg sending you so much love ❤️

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Itonlytakesone · 23/06/2024 21:46

@minimonstera

I know right now you don't want to go back to hospital but I really feel like d&c is best option. I had one 3 weeks ago after blighted ovum 9 weeks so was scared of dealing with blood loss at home while trying to look after my 5 year old.

D&c was fine went in surgery 11 was discharged by 2.30 after coffee / toast. It wasn't traumatic as I didn't witness anything I was just put to sleep. Hot water bottle for pains twinges over following week. Rest needed. I didn't want the uncertainty of waiting it out. I was booked in the very next day so didn't really have time to get apprehensive. And they can test sac which will help any further pregnancies. I'm so sorry for your loss💔

TheShellBeach · 23/06/2024 21:47

I absolutely recommend the surgery, OP.

Original poster

minimonstera · 24/06/2024 18:52

Itonlytakesone · 23/06/2024 21:46

@minimonstera

I know right now you don't want to go back to hospital but I really feel like d&c is best option. I had one 3 weeks ago after blighted ovum 9 weeks so was scared of dealing with blood loss at home while trying to look after my 5 year old.

D&c was fine went in surgery 11 was discharged by 2.30 after coffee / toast. It wasn't traumatic as I didn't witness anything I was just put to sleep. Hot water bottle for pains twinges over following week. Rest needed. I didn't want the uncertainty of waiting it out. I was booked in the very next day so didn't really have time to get apprehensive. And they can test sac which will help any further pregnancies. I'm so sorry for your loss💔

Hey @Itonlytakesone thank you so much and you are right. I decided to go for the surgery. I was driving myself insane and convincing myself they had gotten it wrong because I’ve had absolutely no blood or cramps and I’d had a private scan at 8 weeks and there was a heartbeat. I was totally losing my mind. So I went to the hospital today and had a confirmation scan (no movement confirmed 💔) and I am booked for the procedure tomorrow morning. I am still deeply sad but my mind is now at rest and I can say goodbye and start to move on. I’m deeply sorry you’ve been through this too, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, but my god this site and hearing from everyone who has written here has given me comfort even though I’m sad for everyone that’s been through it. Thank you so much xx

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Original poster

minimonstera · 24/06/2024 18:53

TheShellBeach · 23/06/2024 21:47

I absolutely recommend the surgery, OP.

Thank you @TheShellBeach - I have decided to go for it xx

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moosey89 · 24/06/2024 19:15

@minimonstera will be thinking of you tomorrow - the staff have always been so loving and caring, even more so when they read what I'm in for with miscarriage surgery. Hope it all goes smoothly and you heal physically as quickly as possible. Sending all the hugs xx

jellyfish2 · 24/06/2024 19:15

minimonstera · 24/06/2024 18:52

Hey @Itonlytakesone thank you so much and you are right. I decided to go for the surgery. I was driving myself insane and convincing myself they had gotten it wrong because I’ve had absolutely no blood or cramps and I’d had a private scan at 8 weeks and there was a heartbeat. I was totally losing my mind. So I went to the hospital today and had a confirmation scan (no movement confirmed 💔) and I am booked for the procedure tomorrow morning. I am still deeply sad but my mind is now at rest and I can say goodbye and start to move on. I’m deeply sorry you’ve been through this too, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, but my god this site and hearing from everyone who has written here has given me comfort even though I’m sad for everyone that’s been through it. Thank you so much xx

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I really found the surgery great in such a sad situation, it was over so quickly and everyone was lovely. The physical recovery was fine too it's just the mental side of it that continues to be tough but that would be the case regardless. I hope it goes well and that you're doing ok 🩷

VJBR · 24/06/2024 19:47

TheShellBeach · 21/06/2024 15:58

Hi. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I would 100% have the surgical option. I've seen far too many threads on here about women who opt for medical management, and then end up needing surgery several weeks (and a lot of bleeding and pain) later.

I had a lot of miscarriages and I always had the surgery. It's over with then, and if you want to, you can start trying again.

I am very sorry that you've lost your baby.

Same. I waited and the spontaneous miscarriage never happened. I would go for an intervention and get it over with.

PlantDoctor · 24/06/2024 19:48

💐

Lovewine1975 · 24/06/2024 19:55

I'm so sorry for your loss it's absolutely devastating. This happened to me quite a few years ago, my first pregnancy 12 week scan and no heartbeat, hadn't even entered our heads this could happen, huge shock.

I opted to wait for it to happen naturally, however nothing happened so ended up having a d&c but honestly it wasn't that bad I had a general anaesthetic and only a bit of pain afterwards.

Itonlytakesone · 24/06/2024 21:52

@minimonstera
I'm so glad they have got you in so fast I'm glad you're going for this option. I just think sometimes reading other people's comments that they ended up getting d&c anyway after trying other options first made me decide to just go for surgery as my plan a. Take a pack of simple wet wipes to freshen up before you get discharged.

Emotionally and physically it will be easier it's hard enough as it is without weeks of uncertainty good luck tomorrow and make sure you rest completely after and have all your favourite foods I was obsessed with custard doughnuts 🍩.

I found the surgery pain relief ran out in the evening when I was at home, I suddenly thought oh why am I in a bit of pain? But it wasn't that bad with my hot water bottle/ painkillers. Just felt a bit like period pains.

Notsuredontknow · 24/06/2024 21:55

Wishing you all the best for tomorrow OP, hope all goes ok x