baby has died 20 week scan

[DoIWantThis]

I may be in the wrong place. I'm a bit confused. My daughter has been told at 20 week scan that baby is dead. Baby died at 15 weeks.She will will be going through planned labour tomorrow. I will be there with her. Any advice. I cant't say any more sorry

Really sorry 💐 I don’t have much advice. But I recommend ordering an aching arms bear if the hospital don’t have them, they are free and dedicated in memory of someone else’s baby, personally I needed physical things to hold to help me get through it in the early days. Not practical help at all sorry

Ask mn to move to bereavement. So sorry for your loss x

I’m so sorry, OP.

you may want @mnhq to move this to the pregnancy loss forum as people there might have very good advice

Hi there,
We're sorry to see you back under such sad circumstances. We have moved your thread to a board where we think you will receive more targeted support, and we extend our condolences to your family. Sending love.

I'm desperately sorry for your DD's loss.

This is the Ask me Anything section where OP's who are an "expert" let other posters ask them questions on their subject.

I've reported this so that MNHQ can move it to a more suitable topic section and hopefully get you and your DD some helpful advice.

Again, I'm very sorry this has happened to you all.

So sorry🌹

Thank you so much for replying. Battenburg can you elaborate on aching arms bear.

thank you

My baby died and I had to deliver him at 31 weeks. It's unbelievably difficult, and seems so unnatural to have to go through labour with no reward at the end.

Just be there, don't rush her into seeing the baby if she doesn't want to straight away (it took me hours to look at him). Ask her if she wants you to take photos, and keep them for her until she is ready. Speak to the midwives about making memories. Footprints etc. In time she will cling onto these things. Please feel free to ask me anything. I'm so sorry your daughter is going through this.

Thank you everyone x

www.achingarms.co.uk

you can click request a bear and it gets sent to you free if it interests you. As mentioned I needed something to hold and physical things to attach my grief to a little.

each bear is donated by someone else who has lost a baby.

With the baby having passed away a few weeks ago, they may suggest she doesn’t see the baby. But personally I would recommend taking a blanket and maybe a teddy to leave with the baby (or 2, one to leave, and one to bring home). Some hospitals provide a memory box that contain 2 identical teddies but I don’t no that all of them do. Sorry if my advice isn’t helpful or insensitive in any way, I lost my baby at 35 weeks so it may not be appropriate, but I guess you never no what may help someone.

Many years ago I bought an ordinary bear from a shop for a relative to hold and cuddle after a loss. I am pleased to see that this site exists:

www.achingarms.co.uk/support-for-you/aching-arms-bears.aspx

I hope it helps you and your daughter.

Sorry for your and DD's loss OP. If there's access to a cooling device (some sort of baby's bed, I can't remember the name) it's possible for parents to spend some extra time with their baby, if that's helpful to them. I don't think every hospital has one though.

I’m really sorry to hear this OP and sending love to your daughter, you and your family.

l lost my baby at 27 weeks and delivered him once he had passed. It was the most traumatic thing I have had to go through. However, if I can take anything positive from it it would be to help others going through something similar.

please DM me if you like. The delivery will be similar to that of any other birth in process but obviously incredibly heartbreaking. The dr and midwife will help her through it all and plan what she would like to do once baby is delivered. They are likely to give parents the opportunity to hold baby (wrapped up as much as possible I imagine so you could take a special blanket or something meaningful to put with baby). They can take little foot and hand prints and take photos of the family together which although sounds really awful now, are the most precious things my DH and I have now.

sending you lots of love and strength to get through this most challenging time. X

Battenburg that's so lovely and thanks for replying. I think I'm in the wrong place but don't know how to get on the correct thread. Emma thank you so much, that advice is so helpful, bless you.My daughter is very calm and quiet at the moment which is not good. Or maybe it is. I think this thread has been moved and I won't know how to find it.

I've quoted you to help you find it in notification section. It will also be in your "threads I'm watching", "threads I'm on" and "threads I started" sections. If you scroll to the top of the thread you can see where it is which is currently Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss topic. It's written in blue and if you click on it, it takes you to the rest of the threads in that topic.

@DoIWantThis, it should come up on your Threads I'm On, but if not, the link is: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4676183-baby-has-died-20-week-scan

I am so very sorry for your loss, and your daughter's loss. I think the best thing you can do is just be guided by your daughter's instincts - reassure her she's allowed to feel however she feels and don't let anyone make her think she has to do any particular thing.

Awwww, I am SO sorry.

ohreallyisit thank you for your advice, thank you so much, at the moment my daughter is frightened of seeing baby

Oh god, I’m so sorry for you and your daughter. I had a baby die at 19weeks. She is very lucky to have a lovely supportive mum to be by her side. I’m not going to pretend it’s going to be easy physically or emotionally. I was very young when I lost my baby and didn’t have a supportive family. (I didn’t tell anyone.) I know that things are far more humane now than they used to be. If you get a chance, get some of your daughter’s favourite sweeties to suck on and some juice. (She may or may not want it.) I hope that you both have counselling. I am certain it will be offered at the hospital. Big hugs.

Can you speak to a midwife or doctor about this?

Some people will find it helpful to know the details of how a baby that has passed away some weeks before delivery will look, and they may be able to give that information to you. My understanding is that people often imagine worse than is the case, and perhaps they could help her get a sense of what is likely.

So sorry OP

My DD went through this too - there was nothing special that I did except to be there for her. She knew I cared. I am so sorry to hear that this has happened.

She went on to have two lovely children - it seemed a world away when all the bad things were happening; but she got there.

I don't have any advice but I just want to say I am so sorry to hear this.

I am so sorry x