baby has died 20 week scan

[DoIWantThis]

I may be in the wrong place. I'm a bit confused. My daughter has been told at 20 week scan that baby is dead. Baby died at 15 weeks.She will will be going through planned labour tomorrow. I will be there with her. Any advice. I cant't say any more sorry

@DoIWantThis I initially didn’t want to see my baby either and nearly didn’t but glad I got a chance to hold him. They wrap them and put them in a little basket or similar so you’re not seeing much skin as such. I’m sure the staff will judge it and make it as manageable as possible if your daughter wants hold baby ok some way. Or even a midwife bringing baby into the room to say goodbye without h even seeing it holding baby. It’s so awful to think about but it was important to us in the weeks following. X

Thank you all of you so much for your kind words and advice.. SarahAndQuack that is such a valid question. I will suggest that to my daughter x

I've been through this and one bit of advice I was given was the staff on the ward will give you loads of different things to help remember him by (tiny teddy, handprints,forget me not seeds etc) just take the lot and afterwards you can decide what you want to keep.
For me the memory box they provide you with was so important, it felt comforting to be leaving with something in my hands and it was life proof that he existed and made some sort of mark in the world.

Also I spent a lot of time beforehand googling what a foetus at 20 weeks would look like as I wanted to be prepared. As it turned out, my baby had also died a few weeks earlier (although we didn't find this out until later) but he didn't look awful or shocking because of it, just very small.

@DoIWantThis my first baby died at 20 weeks and I was induced. In terms of meeting the baby, we were unsure and a bit scared and didn’t know what we wanted. In the end we agreed with the midwife that she would take the baby away when born to take handprints and footprints and weigh them etc and would then come back and tell us what he looked like. The midwife reassured us by telling us just how beautiful he was and we then asked for him to be brought in. We spent the rest of the day with him and whilst it is such a personal decision it meant and still does mean so much to have had that time. Any questions feel free to ask.

Ohrealyisthisit thank you so much That means a lot I'd like to hold baby. All other posters I am grateful for you sharing your thoughts and experiences. I'll pop off as I have to sleep and prepare for tomorrow. Thank you everybody, thank you so much x

Oh I’m so sorry for you and your daughter. How sad for you all. It’s normal to feel frightened of seeing the baby. Totally normal.

WIth regard to seeing the baby, one thing I do if offer to take a photo for families & do it in black and white. Then if they want to they can see the photo in colour & then maybe the baby. It’s very personal. There is no right or wrong. Another thing I have found over the many years I’ve been doing this is that babies look a little better when they are a few hours old. I can’t explain it & I don’t want to offend anyone but sometimes waiting a little while really helps.

lots of love to you all xx

notinthestarsigns I think she's too frightened to see baby at the moment but that may change. Thank you for your advice and sharing your experience, bless you x

I am so sorry for yours and your daughter's loss.
There are no easy answers with these sort of situations.

AgathaMystery bless you thank you x

So sorry 💐

Hi @DoIWantThis if you are OK with a sewing machine I would recommend making an "angel pocket".

It is a little sleeping bag for baby as baby will be too delicate for clothes.

She should be given the choice for a single funeral or a communal one, I have had both and they were both good.

I am so deeply sorry your daughter and you all have to go through this. I am wishing you loads of strength, and will be thinking of you.

Our unit offered the opportunity for a blessing for baby. We did this with the hospital chaplain, who was on call, but they usually have people of all kinds of denominations available. It was nice to have baby's life acknowledged like that.

We also got a specialised urn made for our little one to keep the ashes in. Urns for Ashes does a tailor-made urn for parents who lose their babies. They design it with you, so you get one that reflects you and your family's preferences. I really cherish ours.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I lost my baby at 19 weeks. His ashes are by my bedside and I miss him everyday. Sending love and strength. I'm sure the midwives will be very supportive and will likely have clothes there she can use. We also got a tiny teddy to stay with the baby and an identical one for us to keep.

Not anything like what your daughter is experiencing but I lost my baby at 16 weeks and had to have a termination for medical reasons. Mentally it broke me, until I fell pregnant again.
Just be there to support your daughter, a huge loss to experience