Missed Miscarriage

[Fayezp1210]

Hi, this is my first post here and not something I expected to talk about but would like to hear from other people who have gone through the same.

We went for our 12 week scan on Monday to be told there was no heartbeat and baby had stopped growing around 9 and a half weeks. Heartbroken is an understatement, especially because we had two earlier scans where the heart was beating and the baby was jumping about.

I had the surgical procedure first thing Tuesday morning but I just can’t get my head around what has happened, every time I close my eye to try and sleep it just keeps playing back in my head. I just don’t understand why, and I don’t know how I’m going to get through this?

My Partner has been amazing and if anything it has brought us closer together.

Everyone including the nurses at the hospital have been saying it’s just one of those things, and you can try again but even the thought of trying again and having this happen again just fills me with terror.

Just looking to hear other people’s experiences and how you have dealt with it.

Thank you x

Hi guys, I've just joined!
I'm 24 years old and I had my first pregnancy end at 12 weeks miscarriage on 30th September 2020, and now I just birthed another miscarriage at 12 weeks again!

It's my second miscarriage in a row, and I'm a healthy 24 year old with no underlying medical conditions nor a history of health conditions.

Has anyone heard similar stories of anyone in their 20s or have any tips other than to see a specialist? X

@haidri Hi Lovely, not much to say other than I’m so sorry for your losses. Having one is so painful that I can’t bare the thought of having two!

Everyone at the Hospital just told me it’s one of those things, I know that isn’t much comfort, if your anything like me you want answers as to why this has happened to you!

I’m not sure what it’s like in your area but where I am, you have to have suffered 3 miscarriages or more before they will refer you to a clinic.

I’m here if you want to chat x

@Fayezp1210 thank you for your wishes & support. They're not taking me seriously until I lose a third child. I think it's ridiculous that they're not considering me as a healthy 24 year old???

It's sad that a woman needs to undergo 3 miscarriages for her to be taken seriously. When I heard it, I was broken! Where's humanity!

@haidri Your right, it is very sad. How did they happen for you if you don’t mind me asking? Did you find out at your scan?

Mine was a missed miscarriage, had no idea anything was wrong until my 12 week scan on Monday, we had even had 2 scans prior to that where everything was fine, life can be so so cruel can’t it?

I’m 29, I have a healthy 10 year old Son and had no problems when pregnant with him, I literally hope it just is a case of bad luck for us x

In September 2020, from the very first week of finding out I was pregnant I just had this STRONG gut feeling I was not going to see this child whether it meant I was going to miscarry or even still birth. I don't know if this is maternal instinct but I didn't even buy anything for this child because I just knew. I had no symptoms whatsoever but as time flew, I grew an immense attachment & it resulted in heartbreak when I went at my 12 week scan and they said there's no heartbeat. During covid19, I collapsed in hospital while I was birthing the foetus alone in hospital naturally so didn't have time for a D&C.

With this Blighted Ovum right now, I'm still passing it out on an hourly basis so it's really strenuous to my body. I've got ALL pregnancy symptoms this time round so it's annoying that although I had all symptoms this pregnancy I wasn't happy because of the trauma. But first time round I had no symptoms but so optimistic!

@Fayezp1210 you're lucky in the sense that your child can keep you busy and almost distract your grieving process. But with me, anything I do — I'm just scarred for life.

@haidri I had that feeling from the beginning too, I just thought it would end up bad and it did. Even when we had our previous scans I still couldn’t quite believe it.

I had no pregnancy symptoms what so ever, if I hadn’t of missed a period I would never of known, which is so different from when I had my Son.

It’s so sad, it really is the worst and I’m sorry you are having to go through this, I know it’s cliche but I’m really hoping that over time it will get easier to cope with. And that we will have our babies when they are ready to be with us x

@Fayezp1210 sending you sincere prayers for happiness to continuously come your way!!!☺️

@haidri I’m so sorry for your losses, it’s a cruel and unforgiving process, if the loss of our babies wasn’t enough we then have to go through the drawn our process of passing them. Have you looked at the Tommy’s website? It might be worth contacting them, as they are trying to do more research into miscarriage. Also the miscarriage association. I agree I think it’s disgusting that they make women go through 3 before looking into it further - I bet it was a man who came up with that rule. Definitely someone who hasn’t been through it.

@Fayezp1210 I went for my pre op assessment yesterday, they told me about having to have the pessary meds when I go in on tues to open my cervix before the op. I really wanted to avoid the meds - what if my op gets bumped to the next day! Did you have this?

I also had a scan to reassure me they hadn’t made a mistake - they hadn’t of course but I had a good look at the baby on screen 😭 she pressed so had I’m now sure she’s going to set it off naturally...

I went for a short walk yesterday and bumped into a school mum - usual Covid moans, but I had this overwhelming urge to tell her I had a dead baby inside me and how unfair it is. I think I’m going mad!! It’s so weird how no one can tell from the outside the pain we’re going through.

@LostFox82 I had the meds ages before surgery and literally nothing happened haha. I think in medical MC they give you two different meds whereas pre surgery they only give you one

@LostFox82 unfortunately both Tommy's & MA are demanding for GP referral which sucks because unless GP sees a third miscarriage from my side; I won't get referred.

@LostFox82 Oh really! No I didn’t have any meds or anything before surgery, I just turned up the next morning and that was that.

Your not going mad, it’s awful isn’t it! My Aunty rang this morning and said how sorry she was and then said well at least it wasn’t a fully formed Baby, I said it was a baby! It looked like a baby on my scans, it waved like a baby! I felt so upset, I don’t think people know what to say if they haven’t been through it do they?

How are you feeling? You are braver than me seeing baby again on the screen xx

I know your pain. The same thing happened to me 20 years ago and I can still vividly remember the shock. I also found at the 12 week scan - although due to the way things worked out I was actually 13 weeks in. I had already told work I was pregnant as I was so thrilled and couldn't keep it in. I was devastated after the scan and refused to believe it. I insisted on waiting another week and going back for a further scan - just in case they were wrong. Of course they weren't and after the second scan I finally agreed to have the ERPC. I was off work for 2 weeks in all before I could face going in again.

I just wanted to give you some hope. I went on to have 3 healthy babies. It took me 18 months to fall pregnant with the first after the missed miscarriage and I had other problems (burst cyst and polycystic ovaries) but we got there in the end. I didn't have any further miscarriages and was amazed when (at 37) we conceived DC3 on the first month of trying. I hope this gives you some comfort.

@FanSpamTastic Sorry to hear that happened to you also! It does give me hope and positive thoughts that you were able to go on and half 3 babies.

I think it’s just still really raw at the moment, and I’ve got it into my head that if we fall pregnant again, it’s going to happen again x

@Fayezp1210 oh gosh, that would make me cross, she’s clearly only trying to help, but it doesn’t! No they really don’t know what to say, but to be honest I know before this week I wouldn’t of either. Another of my friends said ‘it’s going to be tough but you’ll get through it’ I thought what do you know about how tough it is! I’d hardly told her how I was feeling and she hadn’t asked!

I think today my anger is coming out, sorry! Don’t mean to take it out on others!

How are you feeling? Has the pain gone yet? Are you still questioning it all?

I’m feeling stronger today actually, maybe it’s the anger making me feel bolder

The midwife yesterday was so lovely (despite me waiting there 3 hours to see the doc!) we were having a chat about how I’ve lied to work about why I need time off as I don’t want my choices effecting my career - it makes me cross that I have to lie, but the reality is I know they will be less bothered about my ambition and objectives if they know I’m ttc.

On another subject I decided I wanted to name my baby (something generic as don’t know the sex) in order to help me remember and morn it, maybe also plant a winter rose that blossoms in January. I told my husband and he said he doesn’t want anything to do with it but respects what I want. His way of dealing with it is denial it was ever a thing - I said that’s an impossible way of thinking about it if you’re the one with the baby inside you. I suppose I need to respect his way of dealing with it too.
Are you ladies planning on doing anything in particular to remember?
Xx

Yes I definitely found MMC to be a real kick. I found out on the 2nd of January that there was no heartbeat I was 14 weeks my scan had been delayed due to a covid outbreak.
Unfortunately I didn't make it to my surgery date 4 days later and miscarried but had complications so ended up in the trauma unit with high blood loss and a very painful procedure conducted to stop the bleeding.

Unfortunately also showing signs of trauma with inability to sleep, flashbacks and numbness. I'm being monitored by my GP as apparently this could be PTSD.

I don't think anything would ever prepare you for the loss especially when you get so far into it I definitely had a I'm past the high risk stage moment at 12 weeks.

@LostFox82 It did make me cross, I felt so angry. I know people are just trying to help but I really want to say you don’t have a clue how this feels!

I keep going through the motions, I feel gutted then feel numb like I don’t have any feelings at all and then I feel angry and upset it’s just bizzare.

The pain is minimal, just slight cramps every now and then which are light and not painful at all. I’m still questioning it, still can’t quite get my head around it but I’ve actually got out of bed today which has helped.

I’m glad the Midwife was lovely with you, I think that helps the situation too, I’m very grateful for how I was treated at the hospital as you hear so many stories don’t you?

They deal with things so differently don’t they, I’m lucky my Partner is kind of on the same wavelength as myself. He is my rock at the moment though and just says we will do whatever I want to remember the baby. Planting is such a lovely idea, although our garden is all slabbed so there’s nowhere for me to plant really. I have thought about making a little corner with some remembrance things, I have a seat there so think it will be nice.

I think naming the baby is a great idea, I’ve not spoke to my Partner about that, we’ve just been calling the baby our Angel so I think that will stick.

How are you feeling about going into hospital? We were having a chat last night with my Mum and 3 weeks ago round about when the baby passed, I broke out in a bad rash and had the most severe headaches right up until I had the op. I’m wondering if that was maybe my body telling me something was wrong? Not that I could of changed anything xx

I'm almost 7 weeks post surgery. Mines a protracted experience due to retained product but I've still not had a period yet. I want it just to feel normal and move on. I hate not knowing what's going on with my body, especially when I was so regular before. The mental impact is huge but it takes such toll physically.

@Scottishskifun I am so sorry to hear your loss, especially ending up in that situation, that must of been really frightening for you!

How are you coping with things now? I have had to wait until I literally drop to sleep, I can’t lie there and close my eyes because it all happens all over again. I’m really hoping as time goes on, that will change.

Nothing ever prepares you for it does it, it is the most cruelest thing to go through 💐

@dippyegg32 It just prolongs it doesn’t it, I hope that it comes soon for you. It sounds awful but I will glad when mine comes round too. I know it’s only been a few days but I just want everything to go back to normal too.
You don’t realise how much it affects you both physically and mentally, it is so unfair 💐

@Fayezp1210 I haven't been coping very well been signed off work for 3 weeks now. Some days are better than others but the lack of sleep is taking its toll. I have a toddler to look after as well.

It's helping that my GP will have a follow up appointment with me and each day is different. I've learnt that it's OK for me to have a good day followed by a few days of bad. I was very drained for about a week after everything but now continually drained from lack of sleep.

My only advice would be to be kind to yourself and don't really have any expectations or comparisons to others.

@Fayezp1210 I know everyone reacts differently but in the first few days I was silent. I was numb. I didn't even cry. I just wanted to get the surgery done which was scheduled for 4 days later. After that my emotions went like a rollercoaster. Crying, didn't eat. But then it was Christmas which was day 18 post surgery (that's ingrained in my head) and I painted a smile for my family and actually since I've been fine. Sad of course and "today I should be x weeks" goes through my head a lot but really mentally I'm ok. Physically I just want to go back to normal. However you're feeling is totally fine, just go with it and know that time really is a healer.

@Scottishskifun Sorry to hear you haven’t been coping well. I hope that your getting all the support that you need?

Being kind to myself is something I need to learn to do! I’m always so hard on myself and take everything as my fault.

X

@dippyegg32 When I found out Monday I was that shocked I couldn’t really talk or cry. I was talking and chatting to the Nurse like normal. It’s afterwards that’s been hell for me.

Today is the first day I’ve got up and out of bed properly, I’ve had half a breakfast sandwich...probably the most I’ve eaten since Monday! Your right, time is defintely going to help 💐

When does it start getting easier? :( if I hear one more person tell me “everything happens for a reason” I think I will lose my cool!

Really struggling today, feel very emotional and my Dad told me to “snap out of it now and move on” I just don’t understand any of it, how can I just snap out of it just that easy? 😢