Stillborn twin at 37+4

[ArthurandJessie]

Hello ,
I just wanted to put this out there as I wanted to know if anyone had been through the same thing and could offer any advice ? Everything was going so well went to my last appointment to schedule induction and baby B had no heartbeat. Had a c section the same evening and he was stillborn. His brother survived. He is an absolute joy but my husband and I are struggling with the loss of our gorgeous boy and feeling joyous about his brothers safe arrival. It is the most horrific pain we've ever been through please can someone say if it gets easier ? We also feel sad that our little boy has lost his twin his life long best friend :( it's such a special bond he is now missing out on.

I'm so sorry. I haven't been through it myself but I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and your lovely boys.

I am very sorry for your loss
Did the midwives give you details about any bereavement support available? If not perhaps you could contact Sands.

OP, I’m so very sorry for the loss of your boy. I can’t imagine the mix of emotions you’re feeling right now. Sending love to you and your boys.

The charity ‘Petals’ offer amazing counselling for bereaved parents if you’re in England.

I lost a twin at 33 weeks. We knew he wouldn't survive but still very difficult. Other twin born at 38 weeks

It's very hard but I promise it will ease with time. My surviving twin is about to turn 4 and now talks about her brother and tells her friends she was a twin.

She has always known about him which helps.

There is definitely something different about her, everyone close says there are times when her brother are with her. All her best friends are boys - she is an intriguing, special little girl and I have got to the point where I am at peace with what happened.

Love to you x

I am so sorry. I've just lost both my twins, but much earlier at almost 21 weeks. I don't know how one copes. But am with you in spirit.

Thank you so much all of you for your replies ! @mrnimmanimma thank you that really helps to see you at peace with the situation it's given me hope that it won't hurt this badly forever.
@LapsedVeganAcademic I'm so sorry for your loss I can't imagine how difficult that must be for you loosing them both so much love to you xxx

@ArthurandJessie

I found it very helpful to have some 'stock answers' for when people asked me how I was. This stopped me from breaking down when I didn't want to, baby groups etc. People often ask how the birth was etc and it helps to have a good answer that you can roll out. I found that helped to make me feel 'normal' at times.

We also have some roses to remember our son and our daughter knows they are his so they prompt conversations

She has seen me cry when I talk about him and I think it is very important that they know it is sad but that it's ok to be sad about it.

Normally when someone, particularly a child, dies we have time to grieve, rest and recuperate slowly. When you have lost a twin you have to hit the ground running and grief is so much worse when you are overtired. Remember to tell yourself that and recognise when it is worse.

Much love to you x

@mrnimmanimma I can't tell you how much your post has helped me ! Thank you so much for your advice! The Rose's are a lovely idea we bought everything yellow for him, so we are going to plant a yellow rose bush in the garden.

I'm so pleased it has helped you. In time maybe it will be you helping others in turn? I didn't ever think I would be strong enough to be able to have a perspective and be able to articulate it.

David Austin roses are divine - they're mail order and very special x

You've articulated it perfectly ! We have picked a yellow rose bush for our Seb and we will be thinking of your little man also. I really hope I can help someone as you've helped me ! It's such a different kind of pain you can't even imagine unless you've been through it and the fact is thankfully I don't actually in real life know anyone that has so talking about it on here has been very theraputic

Oh I'm so pleased you picked one. Seb is a lovely name. It's my daughters birthday today so we are remembering her brother too. It's a happy day. X

@LapsedVeganAcademic

I am so sorry. I've just lost both my twins, but much earlier at almost 21 weeks. I don't know how one copes. But am with you in spirit.

@LapsedVeganAcademic I am so sorry for your loss. I am preganant with twins and have been told that they stopped growing at 16 weeks. I haven't miscarried yet. Did you miscarry naturally? Did you get to take them home or did you choose another option? I'd appreciate any advice you could give me if you're up to it.

Oh I am sorry, so so sorry.

I lost my twins during the very worst week of the pandemic, so all the usual options available weren't there. But yes, I gave birth naturally and yes, I took the babies home. And I had the pain relief I needed and the staff looked after ne so kindly.

I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you

So sorry for your loss @Donuts12345 you are in my thoughts x

@LapsedVeganAcademic how are you feeling now ? Have you been getting any support ? I'm glad to hear the staff treated you well.

OP im really sorry for your loss, especially dealing with it around the exhaustion of a newborn sending lots of positive vibes your way, be kind to yourselves, and I hope your partner is able to find a little peace soon too, time heals, but for now just be very very kind to yourselves - lots of hugs xxx