MMC at what should’ve been 12 weeks

[Will867]

After 13 days of brown spotting and small amounts of blood and knowing somethings wrong and having the worst anxiety, but being told by multiple gps it’s normal and nothing to worry about I have just found out today, 2 days before my dating scan that there was a sac with no foetus or embryo. I am devastated but not surprised. This is my 1st pregnancy and I was so excited. Had really bad morning sickness, all the usual pregnancy symptoms just no baby 😞.
All I feel is the sense of failure, that I’ve failed my partner and can’t help but wonder if this happened in my first pregnancy will I ever be able to have a viable pregnancy. I don’t even know how to start dealing with this? and seeing my other half cry as well breaks me

@Lynda07 I’m sure you are trying to help but that probably would have upset me when I had my Mmc

Dear op, I am so very sorry that you have lost your baby. I can very much identify with your feelings because I lost my baby in the same way and it caused me a lot of pain.

The feelings you have are totally natural and I had them too. I don’t know if you are someone who finds statistics helpful, but only 1% of women go on to have a second mmc we were told. Mmc are rare and having a second one is even rarer.

The most likely outcome is that you will go on to have a successful pregnancy when you are ready to think about trying again.

I am so sorry

Some suggestions in case they are helpful, because these things helped me.

The midwives on the Tommy’s helpline are trained to support women who are going through miscarriage. I found them amazing

try to see it as a blessing
in the meantime concentrate on other things and think about other people who are having a very hard time

Jesus wept, compassion bypass or what? OP I’m sorry that your pregnancy wasn’t successful. Having had a miscarriage myself I imagine that you will be deeply upset and that for right now at least, you most likely don’t give much of a fuck about who has it harder elsewhere. That’s totally natural. What about online counselling? Self care- what do you enjoy? Do more of that? Try not to drink too much, it will only make you feel worse. 💐

There is also a lot of support on here. I got support with options for how to manage my Mmc and then for my physical and mental recovery - please do keep posting. Many of us here have been through this and would like to support you.

Other sources of support are the miscarriage association (I haven’t used them but I know others have found them good).

What are the next steps for management op and are there any questions you have right now?

@WWMoiraRoseDo yes I think that is one of the worst posts I have ever seen on the pregnancy loss board

Very pleased to see the clueless post has been deleted. Op please ignore this poster

I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel that what I went through today is a blessing can’t believe anyone could be so callous.
Thank you @Onceuponatimethen I’ve got to go back to the EPAU in the morning to have the medical management though I’m having bad cramping etc right now so not sure if it’s already started. With the covid-19 situation it was scary going alone today so am nervous about going alone tomorrow as well. I’m not sure where to get help from, I know there will be a long waiting list for any counselling atm.

It may well have started but actually I had cramping like that and then it tailed off. In the end I need management to complete the Mmc.

I hope you will be able to get at least some sleep tonight and that you have good RL support. Will be thinking of you.

Really sorry to hear you have to go alone. I had surgical management but hopefully someone who has medical will post as well.

I would really try the phone lines for support.

I didn’t ring up for a few weeks but wish I had actually reached out for support a bit earlier when things were hard around the time my Mmc happened. The support did make a difference.

I hope you are managing to eat at least a little bit as well

Yes thank you I will definitely try them, I managed to eat something and will try and get some sleep tonight. Thanks for your kind words of support

You are so welcome. I found my Mmc incredibly hard and got real support on here. All the feelings you are having are completely normal and please do take care of yourself.

If you want to keep posting please do - there is always someone awake somewhere on mumsnet and this is a well used board

Dear Op I’ve been thinking of you today and of you being at the EPAU this morning.

I hope you got a bit of sleep last night and ate something today. I also hope you’re not in too much pain right now

How are you this evening?

Thank you @Onceuponatimethen I got very little sleep but something and panicked this morning but the nurses and dr at the EPAU were lovely just felt very lonely as a lot of the time I was left in a clinical room alone. I’m hoping the worst is over, the bleeding has subsided and still got cramping but not as severe as they were, pain relief didn’t really touch it . Thankfully I’d read on here what to expect so I had some idea but nothing really could’ve prepared me. It’s strange how empty I feel now even though it was just the sac that was left.
I really hope that is it over.
Feeling very tired and have had a few cries but hoping to get a better sleep tonight x

Oh op I’m so sorry that you had to go through all this and that you were alone when you were miscarrying

I know exactly what you mean about the emptiness - a Mmc is a huge life event and I personally experienced real grief over it.

I hope you got a bit of sleep and that you have good support today xx

Sending you some virtual hugs in case they help

I did get some sleep thanks but woke this morning devastated today would’ve been the dating scan and there were so many hopes for it seeing our baby sending scan pictures to family, telling people. All gone 😢

I’m so sorry.

I know it’s really hard, because naturally when you are pregnant you really dream about your baby and your whole life has changed.

And then when you have a miscarriage you find it isn’t going to happen and you need time to grieve for the loss of your beautiful baby and also dreams of telling everyone about your pregnancy and of being a mother when you expected that to happen.

I am so sorry you are completely under stably feeling devastated and my heart really goes out to you.

Xx

Understandably

This happened to me in January. I know it's truly horrible. I felt useless, defective, less than a woman, guilty and jealous of other mums. But I did try again and I'm 3 months now. You will pick yourself up again and there will be happier news soon

Oh op im so sorry. This happened to me in november. A couple of days before my 12 week scan with my first baby i hemmoridged and ended up in hospital for 2 days. I also had people say stupid unhelpful things but for the most part people were sympathetic whilst not knowing what to say. Sending you hugs.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you all as well. @skinnyhotchoc that’s exactly how I feel, defective, this being my first ever pregnancy at 34 I worry like all my eggs are going to be defective, I just feel like I’ve failed at it. I can’t shake the feeling. It gives me some hope that you’ve had some happy news after the pain

@Will867 it's unlikely. I'm older than you love. These things are usually just bad luck but much more common than you think. I can name at least four people i know quite well that it's happened to and have gone on to have babies. I know it's difficult but try to focus on the fact you can get pregnant. That's a step in the right direction

I’m really sorry for your losses @skinnyhotchoc and @RyanBergarasTeeth. I hope you are both doing ok.

Op in case it helps I conceived again later the year I lost my first baby and that baby is now sitting opposite me now as a healthy 8 year old. I am sure the same will be true for you