MMC at what should’ve been 12 weeks

[Will867]

After 13 days of brown spotting and small amounts of blood and knowing somethings wrong and having the worst anxiety, but being told by multiple gps it’s normal and nothing to worry about I have just found out today, 2 days before my dating scan that there was a sac with no foetus or embryo. I am devastated but not surprised. This is my 1st pregnancy and I was so excited. Had really bad morning sickness, all the usual pregnancy symptoms just no baby 😞.
All I feel is the sense of failure, that I’ve failed my partner and can’t help but wonder if this happened in my first pregnancy will I ever be able to have a viable pregnancy. I don’t even know how to start dealing with this? and seeing my other half cry as well breaks me

I should have said I was 35 when I lost my first baby and went on to get pregnant again at 36 and 39 (I have 2 dds now) x

Thank you @onceuponatimethen and what a lovely story! A lot of hope for us all there.

I hope your looking after yourself op. Its a rough time but it will get better.

Your experiences have given me hope ❤️ Thank you all. I’ve been struggling with not touching my belly as every time I do just rest my hand there it brings me sadness. Also realising the things that I couldn’t eat and drink before that made me so sick (I had awful pregnancy sickness up until 11 weeks) I can eat and drink now some of which I used to enjoy but bring me sadness now. Feels like my body cruelly allowed me to think there was a baby in there but I was holding and talking to something that didn’t exist.

@Will867 your baby does exist. It's just waiting in the wings for you and all that love that you gave is not wasted because you're learning how to love a child and how to be a mother. Becoming a mother and being a mother is a hard road to travel and you've made start❤️❤️🌈🌈

@skinnyhotchoc that means so much

I also felt like that - I had been chatting away to my bump and felt very sad and strange when I knew what had happened. I have come to the conclusion that at least my baby was loved, for the very short time it was alive. If that doesn’t sound crazy.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I have been where you are and identify with so many of your feelings. Please make sure you are kind to yourself and do all the small things that bring you a little bit of comfort

It's a hard road to travel and some people, although well meaning, can say things that are incredibly painful. You are experiencing real loss and grief for a person you loved. Take your time and surround yourself with kind people.

I have had one MMC in very similar circumstances to yours and one miscarriage at 8 weeks a few years later. I have had 3 successful pregnancies (2 conceived very quickly after my losses-not for every one but I like to think they came back to me), and thank my lucky stars everyday. I'll never forget my losses, but the pain does ease and becomes part of life.

I wish you all the best for the future

I hope you managed to have some sleep last night op and that you are physically starting to feel at least a little bit better.

@itsgoingtoofast I am so sorry you have experienced this too. I agree that people say the stupidest things. Miscarriage is very little understood and because we don’t talk about it enough people just don’t know how to react. I had a Mmc discovered st my 12 week scan and when I went for a scan to see if my mc had been complete the somographer told me I wouldn’t even have known I was pregnant before accurate home pg tests and I found this astounding given that I was showing, had really bad morning sickness and obviously no periods for weeks.

She then asked if my pg was planned. This was despite my notes saying how long I had been trying.

Oh I dunno how much more I can take, my other half just came upstairs crying his heart out and told me that his brother just announced that they are having another baby to the whole family, they don’t know about the mc and it seems it will probably be due when ours would’ve been. I’m heart broken as much as I want to be happy for them, I can’t and I’m also devastated seeing my partner like this I never thought it would affect him so deeply and I can’t help him

Oh god I’m so sorry - that is such awful timing Your poor oh and poor you too. Really feel for you because that is so hard - I know I found it really hard when dp cried about our mc, as then you not only have your own grief to deal with but also theirs, even though of course you will want to help him.

Do your oh’s parents know? I found it very difficult to know who to tell as we had hardly told anyone I was pg so I know how difficult it can be.

Please don’t feel bad about not being able to feel happy for them. I struggled with jealousy around pg women for quite a while I have to say

Yeh his mum knows he was playing a quiz with his family on zoom and they announced it, I don’t think his mum knew or knew that they would announce it then and there. It broke me seeing him like it and then I broke down on my phone to my mum who automatically wanted to come over. So hard dealing with this at any time let alone during a pandemic because I can’t see my family. All I can think is I need someone to help him because right now I can’t even help myself.

Today I miscarried what would have been my second child. Was so excited and would have been my first scan on Wednesday. Had so much to look forward to and now I just feel like it’s all gone. How do you cope with the heartache? Me and my partner are absolutely devastated. :(

Oh no! Your poor oh and his mum must have been horrified as well. Yes it makes it so hard that this is all during lockdown, doesn’t it. All I can suggest are the complete basics. That you both try to eat, sleep and rest. This might sound stupid but I watched a lot of crap tv series in the week after my Mmc. Anything just to occupy my mind away from things that were painful.

Emh1 I’m really sorry about your loss Sorry to have cross-posted with you.

Miscarriages are incredibly difficult and I honestly have never known emotional pain like when I had mine. The only thing I can say looking back from several years since mine happened is that trying to eat a little and sleep and rest when you can, even when that is hard are very important.

While it is such a cliche to say time is a great healer and I still cry if I try to talk about losing my first baby, over time the loss does become less raw for many people. But just now it will hurt terribly and that is completely normal

Thankyou for your reply and your advise Onceuponatimethen. I can’t help but think it’s my fault as I am currently taking antidepressants and have been for a few years now, I had tried to come off them as soon as I found out I was pregnant but decided with the help of my midwife it was better to stay on them. I feel incredibly guilty because of this and totally empty. :( xx

@Emh1 if your mw said your AD were safe to be on in pg then that was the right thing to do, as you needed them. It is a very natural part of the grieving process after mc for us to blame ourselves and look to what we did wrong and I did that too. However, most mc are absolutely nothing to do with anything we did. Please don’t feel bad as I think it is incredibly unlikely your mc was anything to do with the AD.

I'm so sorry OP. Missed miscarriages are so cruel, and how awful for you to have found out so close to your dating scan when everything starts to feel a bit safer.

When you're ready, there's no reason why you can't have a perfectly healthy pregnancy in the future. I had a missed miscarriage in April 2019 and got pregnant a few months later. The pregnancy was really straightforward even though I did struggle to trust my body for a while.

Be kind to yourself, however you feel is okay and normal x

I found out the same day as well OP. I had no signs whatsoever. Everything was going well, booked an early scan so my DP could come with me. I've to go to the hospital on Tuesday for a scan to confirm and talk about my options.

Be kind to yourself OP and there is no reason to think you wont have a healthy pregnancy in the future x

I had the same thing happen about six weeks ago. I have a son from a previous relationship but this was my first pregnancy with my new partner. It is crushing. You do feel like a failure. I’m just riding the emotions as they come. Still spotting and frustrated. hugs I’ve been told it takes time but sometimes I’m too upset to even process that.

Last night was the worst. All I’ve done is woke up crying throughout the night, everything I do reminds me of what was going to be but has now been taken away. I have to be strong for my family but I don’t know how I’m going to get through this

@Emh1 I’m really sorry to read your post. Please don’t hesitate to book an appointment with your gp if you are feeling really down and need more support. Mc is a very difficult experience

@Will867 I hope you are sleeping and eating ok and that you are managing day to day. Have been thinking of you and hoping that physically you are starting to feel a little more comfortable xx

Thankyou for your message Onceuponatimethen I have tried to keep busy today to stop me from overthinking, I guess there will be good days and bad days. A friend announced last night that she is expecting her first child and the due date of her baby was the week before ours would have been due, it’s truly devastating for me and my OH. I’m back at the hospital in the morning as they asked me to go back for some more tests, did you have to? I’m a little apprehensive x