Miscarriage and work

[newmummabear]

Hi, I found out at 12 week scan that my pregnancy is not progressing. I can't face going back to work and will probably take a couple of days off. How long have others taken off? Does anyone know if I am legally obliged to tell my boss what the reason is? I recently asked for a pay rise knowing I was pregnant so I don't now want to tell them that I've had a miscarriage because I feel that it will make the situation very awkward for me. Thanks for any advice xx

Hi there, so sorry that you're going through this. I've had a MC very recently and took a little under two weeks' off; one of those was immediate physical recovery after my surgery, and the other was a continuation of that and just generally realising I wasn't ready to go back to work yet.

The first thing I would say is do some research on your intranet/HR pages and see if your employer has a policy around maternity/MC - you might be surprised. If so, then it's probably in your best interests to disclose to your manager what's happened. You are not legally required to tell them if you don't want to though.

I did tell my manager and they were very understanding - my work has a policy that I could take up to two weeks' sick leave without it affecting my record, but they said I could have as much time as I needed. Again, YMMV depending on the relationship you have with them and your personal circumstances.

If you don't feel comfortable disclosing the actual reason to your work, then depending on what option you go for to manage the MC, you should be able to get you a sick note which you can use to cover any absence you need.

In terms of how much time you'll need off - that's something that only you'll know around your physical/emotional recovery. I would encourage you not to rush back though. Best wishes.

sorry you have found yourself here

As the PP said, it really is a personal decision. I believe (but you would need to double check) that a miscarriage would be covered by the same rules as pregnancy related absence and so wouldn't count against your sickness for the year. I had a MMC and had the days of my scans off, 3 in total, and then just over a week after I naturally miscarried. I probably.needed three days for the physical part and the rest was emotionally dealing with it. My work were brilliant and told me to take the time I needed. I personally also chose to be very open at work, my immediate team and my directors all knew, but I have a very supportive workplace.

If you need a sicknote to go beyond a week it may have to state a reason. The miscarriage association are really helpful and have a helpline that is open during the week and guidance on their website about work including a section for employers.

I discussed with some other colleagues (who I would class as friends) before deciding to tell my boss the real reason. I felt it was easier because there was an emotional and physical element and I didn’t know how long I would need off work or how soon I would feel able to cope. I ended up taking almost 2 weeks and would have been longer if it wasn’t for the WFH due to COVID-19.

Btw there’s absolutely no reason that a pregnant woman can’t ask for a pay rise!!

I've had before a doctor's note (from a kind doctor at the clinic, not GP) write me a sick note that doesn't state MC, but more generic. However I'm rarely sick & work had generous sickness policy, but I just didn't want to tell about MC. If you don't want to disclose MC, you should ask a note without it being mentioned.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I miscarried in December and had 3 weeks off, I was very emotional about it and just couldn’t process it straight away and had to be at home. My GP was fantastic and gave me a note just saying I had gynaecological problems. Only my line manager knew the actual reason because I told her I was pregnant before hand but in reality nobody needed to know.
Take care and take the time you need.