1st miscarriage and heartbroken

[MissSparkles81]

I'm absolutely devastated, thought I was 9 weeks today but started bleeding on sunday afternoon. Scan at epu this morning confirmed the baby passed at 8+1.
Im 38 and this was my 1st baby and I just dont know what to do or how to feel.
Ive opted to pass the baby at home as I cant bear to have to go into hospital or have a d+c.
I feel so guilty and angry at myself for getting excited and thinking that it was all going to be ok. Naively I thought at 9 weeks I was going to be ok and creeping closer to that magic 12 week mark.
Tomorrow I was supposed to have my 1st midwife appt and now im sat at home waiting to pass my baby.

[Elmlee]

Just wanted to say to all you ladies I'm sending you lots of love. This thread is heartbreaking xxx

[MissSparkles81]

So yesterday I had my 1st counselling session at a local miscarriage charity.
It was helpful to be able to let it all out and properly cry and I have made an appointment to go back next week.

I am still off work and will be getting signed off for another 2 weeks then will see how I feel about going back. Sadly I am still getting positive tests and at night especially my boobs are still really sore.

Just to add to my misery I also came down with a stomach bug over the weekend. Seriously ... can someone just give me a break!

Feeling a bit more human today so have booked myself in for a back massage.

Thinking of everyone who has posted on my thread xx

[HenrysHome]

So sorry to hear of everyone’s losses - so sad and cruel. I gave birth to my baby boy on Friday (at 20 weeks). We found out at our 20 scan that we had lost him at 13 weeks. Such comforting advice from mothers who have suffered too. The days seem so long to get through but I’m trying to take it 5 minutes at a time x

[MissSparkles81]

@HenrysHome I am so sorry for your loss hun. I hope you have lots of support round about you.

I did another test this morning and it is still showing the faintest of faint positives. I just want that negative so I can start tracking everything again

I have another counselling session today so hoping that helps a wee bit.

[HenrysHome]

I know what you mean OP, I am desperate to try again as soon as possible but very conscience that my husband also needs time and space to heal. I am terrified he might need a long time because as difficult as it is I will need to respect that. I am thinking of counselling too, the hospital gave us some numbers to call. Do you find it worthwhile?

[MissSparkles81]

My hospital didnt give me any information sadly. I had to look it all up myself. The sessions are helpful but they are hard too. I have another one booked in for next week and then they close for christmas.

I am also worried about trying again with my bf. We haven't really spoke about trying again yet. I dont want to put him under pressure as we have had a few performance related issues in the past

[MissSparkles81]

Today I should have been 12 weeks pregnant and excited for my 1st official scan on Friday instead im waiting for that negative pregnancy test so we can start tracking and trying again

[HenrysHome]

It’s so hard isn’t it. I’m looking at his pram we bought sitting in the corner of the room. On Wednesday night I pushed it up and down to distract myself from my growing pains (we know now that they were the start of contractions). We were so happy and excited and now everywhere I look it’s just painful memories.

[MissSparkles81]

@HenrysHome oh babe I am so sorry. That must be so hard. We didnt buy anything as I was too scared incase I jinxed anything.

Can a family member take a pram for you so you dont have to look at it? Xx

[HenrysHome]

It’s comforting to have it there in a way. If it’s gone it’s all gone but if it’s still around then there’s still hope it will be used one day x

[HenrysHome]

How are you doing today @MissSparkles81?