How can this be happening?

[Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly]

34 weeks pregnant with a baby with several severe issues that are detailed in previous posts. Had reduced movements last night but for some stupid fucking reason decided it was probably nothing. No movement at all this morning so went into triage to be scanned and told my baby has no heartbeat :(
This is all my fault, she was still alive last night, and had I gone in, she probably would have been delivered and alive. I have literally ignored my baby until it was too late. Don't even know what I expect people to say, hopefully this can serve as a warning if nothing else?

I got a few hours, but everytime I close my eyes I see that unmoving scan, and the image of them zooming in on her heart, which obviously didn't beat. Got to go back into hospital today to take a tablet to prepare for induction on Wednesday.

My deepest,most sincerest sympathies to you OP and your family for your loss

OP I'm so so sorry you're going through this. Sending you and your loved ones lots of love and hugs at this really terribly time. Everything you're thinking and feeling right now is natural. Please don't blame yourself as other posters have said. I hope you can get the right support you need to help you through each day x

indreamland thank you, we were on the same due date thread, and you were a huge support to me. I hope you're doing a little better now!

Had my pessary 2hrs ago, nothing other than small niggles in my back :( due oral meds in an hour, anyone with any experience of how quickly or not these tend to work?

Thinking of you today OP. Sending a virtual hand to hold. 👭

She's here! 1lb 13.6oz of perfection born sleeping at 5.10pm :)

Congratulations on her birth and condolences for your loss

I'm sure she is beautiful.

Does she have a name?

Evelyn (Evie) Marie :)

Evelyn Marie is a beautiful name. You will always be her mummy and she will always be your daughter. May she rest in peace. Thinking of you @Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly

I bet she's just gorgeous :) much love to you all xx

Thank you ladies ❤️

Congratulations, and such a beautiful name. I wish you all the love and support you could possibly ask for and more

Sending all my love to you and your family. Such a beautiful name! I'm very sorry OP

Beautiful name for your beautiful girl

Congratulations on your little girl, beautiful name

(I lost a 24 weeker at a day old, funeral service was free I'm not sure if that is a national thing I'm in the north east we went for burial and it does help being able to visit. We did pay for the headstone but not till 1 year later as the ground had to settle. DS is in the baby section and I like to think he's playing with the others daft I know)

I'm so sorry for your loss lovely. I lost my baby this year too.
Do whatever you need to get through this, take your time, take lots of photographs in every arrangement you can think of. They will be so precious to you in the future. Read stories, hug and take in every inch of your precious Evelyn.

You don't have to have a funeral, we didn't. Don't feel pressured in to making any decisions.
There are some story books I can recommend for helping siblings understand the loss of a baby. Let me know if you would like me to send you the titles.

Love and strength.xx

I’m so sorry for your loss what a beautiful name xxx

I'm so glad for you that the induction worked pretty quickly. Take all the time you need with her now.

That's a beautiful name she has 💖

@Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly im so very sorry... the only bit of advice i can give is not to stress about paying for a funeral..9/10 funeral directors wont charge for a child. Some bigger companies do, but if you go to an independent your more likely to get it free of charge. Same goes for the cremation. I actually work for a crematorium, we are privately owned and do not charge for cremation of anyone under the age or 16. I dont know about burials however as each church has different rulings...Please do not worry about that part..just focus on your family and yourself. ❤️

@ironytheoppositeofwrinkly what a beautiful name. Evie will be forever in your heart. As others have said don't feel pressured into anything right now and then do what feels right for you and your family.
Yes we were on the January 2019 thread - I should be 36 weeks today. I won't lie, it's hard and emotional but over time I'm sure it will get easier to cope. I'm certainly better than I was in the summer when the first mc happened. I guess I've learned to fake a smile.

Sending you and your family all the love and hugs in the world

indreamland I feel the same, I should be 35+1 today, but I feel forever frozen at 34 weeks 6 days when I gave birth. Leaving her at the hospital yesterday was without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever had to do, it tore a piece from me :(
My breasts have started leaking, which is emotional, however I'm pleased as the hospital accepts donated breast milk as they're a national NICU and have poorly babies from all over the country, so I feel like if I can't help Evie anymore, I can help other people's babies x

It's really kind of you to want to support others with your breast milk but it's ok to put yourself first. The hospital should be able to give you a tablet to dry up your milk quickly.
I hope you got to spend lots of time together and make precious memories.

@Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly that's so brave of you, I couldn't as I was on antidepressants. Leaving my boy was horrific too, I still have nightmares three years on.

There's a charity called SANDS (stillbirth and neonatal death) that offered a lot of support they have a FB group page too. The pain never goes away but it does lessen, I doubt you will believe that right now but I promise it's true.

Be kind to yourself, try to eat and sleep even if it's just a tiny amount