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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

What to send when someone has lost a baby.

21 replies

Chrisinthemorning · 15/06/2018 07:45

My friend has just had a 20 week scan and the baby has died.
We are a close group of friends and we want to send them something. What was the nicest thing you received if you sadly lost a baby? Personally I had 2 miscarriages but earlier on and received flowers.
I was thinking a plant for the garden and maybe some Cook vouchers to help out while she’s unwell as she has 3 children already.
Thank you and to all

OP posts:

Hideandgo · 15/06/2018 07:46

I wonder would the gift of a star in the sky be too cheesy or off?

Cook vouchers sound like a great idea.

mrsnec · 15/06/2018 07:57

I'm not sure about the star idea but agree the plant and cook vouchers are perfect. Plant wise I think I'd choose a very fragrant rose. You might find a variety that has a significant meaning.

AsMuchUseAsAMarzipanDildo · 15/06/2018 08:01

There’s a website where you can buy a rose and name it.

Mumtolovelyboyandgirl · 15/06/2018 08:01

If she has a large garden maybe a little fruit tree? Love the idea of a fragrant rose too.

Rozzzzzalmost35 · 15/06/2018 08:02

Honestly I'm sure flowers are fine x

luckiestgirl · 15/06/2018 08:03

I’d only suggest a plant if she is a gardeny type. I’d personally hate to receive a plant and have to go to the effort of planting it and keeping it alive. But if you think it would suit her, then fine

Spooples · 15/06/2018 12:49

I received flowers from my best friend and honestly it meant the world to me to know was was thinking of me and cared.

JackietheBackie · 15/06/2018 12:53

Cook vouchers. When I had a loss I wasn’t fit for much, and a couple of decent dinners that I didn’t need to think about shopping for, cooking and clearing up after would have been so welcome.

SparklySeashell · 15/06/2018 12:53

Somebody gave me some stuff for me which was very much appreciated, really nice bath stuff, magazines, chocolate etc

20nil · 15/06/2018 12:54

A close friend made a donation to a children's charity in my baby's name. I thought that was wonderful, but honestly, just acknowledging it is important.

Hobbes39 · 15/06/2018 18:14

A friend of mine sent me some chocolates when I had my previous missed miscarriage and it might not sound like much, but it wasn't so much the present but her message that was perfect in my eyes - she wrote "for when there are no words, there's chocolate. thinking of you"
to someone else that might have sounded trite, I don't know, but I preferred it to other messages that were longer/ more gushing. Plus it was hotel chocolat and I do love chocolate! X

WinkyisbackontheButterBeer · 15/06/2018 18:22

I bought my friend a necklace, a little bottle with a forget me not in it, when she went through the same.
The wears it everyday. Maybe something similar?

Lemonsherberts · 15/06/2018 18:25

Some really nice hand creams/posh body lotions and if you can I would do a home cooked meal.
My friend brought me a homemade lasagne and a cupcake for my ds and I thought it was such a kind thought.

ShoeJunkie · 15/06/2018 18:33

I came across this website the other day www.dontbuyherflowers.com/
I think you can add Cook vouchers to some of the packages.

Original poster

Chrisinthemorning · 16/06/2018 08:38

Thank you for the ideas

OP posts:

birdy1978 · 17/06/2018 17:43

I was bought a rose bush, the name of the variety was ‘beautiful rememberance’, by two lovely friends. I’m planning on planting it over the ashes of my baby who should be delivered, alongside his surviving twin, in about four weeks.

TimeToDash · 17/06/2018 17:46

I love the idea of a plant for the garden. Something that flowers about now. Maybe offer some of your time along with it for a couple of hours of gardening?

LilacIris · 17/06/2018 17:56

I hated getting flowers after my baby died because then the flowers also died and it was just another reminder (the exception was the flowers from the cremation). Plants were lovely, as was a tree we received, but they will probably need to be keen on their garden to appreciate them.

We did get lots of really thoughtful and touching gifts but, if you do buy anything, please avoid giving it in party or colourful gift bags.

The most important gift of all is being there, listening and letting your friend talk to you.

starzig · 17/06/2018 18:04

Lillies are traditional

LilacIris · 17/06/2018 18:22

Lillies are traditional

If you do send lillies, please check to make sure they aren’t poisonous ones. The last thing she wants is, if she has one, for her pet cat to die or to poison her neighbours’ cats and fall out with them if it is an outdoor plant.

Vintagegirl77 · 18/06/2018 14:15

My close family bought us an olive tree after we lost our dd at 20 weeks. We bought a beautiful pot for it and it now sits on our patio. It's a lovely tree and easy to maintain and we are thinking of sprinkling her ashes in it at some point (in a box in my drawers at mo so she is near to me).

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