Husband, need advice on supporting through mc

[CaptainMaak]

We told the (grand)parents at 7 wks last time, and lost the next day. This time we told at 8 weeks. (Necessity rather than over excitement)

Hours later she's started bleeding a bit. No pain, a quick search in here offers mixed results had by predecessors. The look on her face breaks my heart.

Sorry I should get to the point.

I don't know what to do, but listen and hug. I feel useless. I have to be optimistic. How can I best help?

It's her birthday tomorrow too. Of all the days to be potentially ruined.

I'm so sorry for your losses . I think you are doing the right thing just being there for her the way you've been. As for tomorrow, take her lead and remember you don't have to do anything you don't want to do or try to hurry the healing process along. Be kind to yourselves and sorry again

You are doing everything you can. Just listen, support and always be patient. I had a nasty time in hospital relating to my miscarriage and once we were home my husband said to me really genuinely 'you done really well dealing with that'. It meant a lot. It's a horrible time for you both. Just be kind to yourselves.

Bleeding a bit might not mean a mc! Don't think the worst yet, I bled and 6 weeks and 10 weeks with my first dc and everything was fine. I was horrendously worried but it didn't lead to mc. Try and comfort her, tell her it is what it is and let her rest and relax as much as possible. If she mc she does but there is nothing worrying about it can do to prevent it. I really hope she is like me and it's a false alarm but rest and relaxation are the key thing and lots of live and cuddles. 💐

Thank you everyone

I bled at 4, 8 and 12 weeks with DS (basically each time a period would have been due) - he’s a strapping 9 year old now. Mentioning as blood doesn’t always mean the end of the pregnancy. I haven’t exoerienced miscarriage though, sonI can appreciate your partner is very worried.

Listen and hug is good. Make sure you’ve got the shopping and any household stuff done so she can rest. She may prefer to keep busy or need some space - follow her lead (although avoid anything strenuous).

I had 2 mc at 9 wks and they were a lot different to those at 6 wks. More like a mini-labour. I hope this isn’t your wife’s experience but be prepared just in case. It started with bleeding and then a backache which came and went at decreasing intervals.

I also had bleeding with my DS and all was fine. I know the waiting is agonising but it’s all you can do. I hope the outcome is positive.

I’m so sorry. We lost at 10 weeks in February after seeing a lovely heartbeat at Almost 8 weeks and telling our parents and siblings. Having their support for not just myself but also my husband was so welcome. He has been my absolute rock.

Some things that really help...

Remember special dates, due dates or miscarriage dates, get a candle, light it together.

Be patient. Her head will be going a thousand MPH and honestly you won’t ever realise the thoughts but you can be there to hold a hand, kiss her forehead and tell her you love her unconditionally. She will be blaming herself. She will be feeling guilty. Reminder her it’s not her fault and she has nothing to feel shame or worry over.

Remind her how brave and strong she is.

Be honest with her. If you’re having a bad day. Support one another. Don’t always try to be the strong one, she will need to be the protector too sometimes.

Be honest and open about your losses with friends and family. Honestly this has been the best decision for us. Not only have I had some heartwarming condolences but also some great advice. My husband has been supported too which has been lovely.

Keep doing what you’re doing. Even just asking this hear means you’re probably already winning. Keep trying. Keep the hope high and don’t be afraid to talk about the future. These are little deviations on your path. You will get there. Remember that.

Good luck & im sorry for your loss.