Hi Hopefulinbalham,
Thank you so much for your replies. You’ve literally said everything that I’ve been experiencing/thinking. Even down to the pesky spots that have now appeared all over my face. I hope you’re ok, or at least feeling a bit better now. I can’t say I do. Although I’m sure deep down I must be better...
It's been 3 weeks since then and I'm trying so hard. I have been back to work part time and some days I am good but honestly I am just gutted. Gutted isn't the word. I know this happens all the time but I really thought this was my chance at life you know? Nothing has really ever worked out for me and I thought yes! This is my time! I don't even know if I will ever conceive again and the crap thing is that I wasn't even fussed about having children before all this. Now I've had a taster and had 12 long weeks to think about myself as a mum while I was pregnant, I want it more than anything now. Cruel isn't it. I was so so excited.
I just can't pick myself up. I'm STILL crying about it. 3 weeks later! Every day. All the time! Daft. I feel so sorry for my other half. He's been amazing but I can't imagine it's nice for him having to deal with me like this. I'm worried everyone is rolling their eyes at me and thinking I'm weak. Like why can't I get over it and why do I feel so so so down? I can't explain it. I feel utterly crap. Life seems bleak and I can't focus. No motivation and utterly fed up.
My step sister went and announced she was pregnant last weekend too. Due the 7th April, my due date was the 8th! What are the chances of that. Except she had her scan pictures. All happy and well. Honestly do you ever just get the feeling in life sometimes that you must be an awful person and you're being punished for it? That’s how low I’ve been feeling recently. And then yesterday I hear one of the mums at work is expecting in April too!(I work in a children’s day nursery). I feel awful for being so jealous of them. I shouldn’t be negative about it it’s super lovely for them but it just hurts that it was that easy for them.
Thank you for letting me know about your period (it was odd of me to ask so thank you!). I think one of the things really getting to me is not knowing what my body is doing or what to expect. I finally got my negative test yesterday (so 23 days since miscarriage). Well, it was really really really faint positive but bacially not there and lighter than my last one which is the main thing. Just my period to show up now. From your time frame it should show up in the next week or so too. Then hopefully my body will start going back to normal. I completely understand what you mean when you say you’re tired and need to sleep all the time. I’m also still cramping and have headaches at least once a day (I never used to have headaches).
Sending love. I hope you recover well and get the little healthy baby you want one day soon xxxxxx