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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Late miscarriage

24 replies

Jujaya · 28/01/2017 07:09

Hi everyone

Sorry for everyone that has to be on this board. Our baby has died at 16 weeks and I have to go to the hospital today to take the first tablet and then go in on Monday to deliver the baby. I am so scared and confused. Could anyone please give me any advice? This is my 3rd missed miscarriage so I know what the treatment involves but it has never been this late. What I am most scared of is seeing my baby . I don't know whether to or not. They could see no obvious abnormalities on scan. My scan at 13 weeks was perfect and I really thought that this one was here to stay. Has anyone had a late miscarriage that could give me some advice please? Thanks.

OP posts:

cece · 28/01/2017 07:26

I had one at 18 weeks.
I saw my baby - it helped me to see her. She did look like a very small baby. I could see she was a girl.
They will also ask whether you want any post mortem tests. Be prepared for this.
Sorry for your loss.

user1485380732 · 28/01/2017 07:27

deepest sorries for what you are about to go through. I lost a wee boy at 24 weeks so can only speak of that & it was like a proper labour & delivery after about 6 hours of pains. When I needed to push he came out very fast & other than being tiny he was perfect, He had no hair at that age, but the blood vessels on his scalp were very dark & my MIL asked where he had got all his black hair from. (silly things I remember, sorry) Plus his eyes were still closed & his fingers still fused from memory. Maybe your bubba will be perfect too but very little, I have never seen a 16 week baby. Do ask the nurses before it all starts & they should be able to reassure you.

Original poster

Jujaya · 28/01/2017 07:41

Thank you both for your replies and am sorry for both of your losses. I will ask the nurse today about things. When I saw them on Monday after the scan I just ran out so didn't ask anything at all. I need to get this done as I don't feel as though I can grieve yet. I guess I will allow the tests to be done in case we do try again. Thanks again.

OP posts:

Crumbs1 · 28/01/2017 07:48

I'm so sorry. You might want to think about whether you want to see the baby ( it usually helps), whether you want photos to keep, what arrangements you want about laying the baby to rest. Some people want a simple funeral and others don't. A postmortem is likely to be offered and may give you some answers as to why - but not necessarily. Sometimes baby has been fine but the placenta or hormone levels have caused the pregnancy to end. There are certain conditions in the mother that can make late miscarriage/stillbirth more likely and at follow up you may be offered blood tests or genetic counselling (offered after third lost baby usually).

minmooch · 28/01/2017 07:58

I gave birth to stillborn twin girls at 22 weeks gestation. I held them both, had photos taken and wrapped them in a scarf of mine to be buried with.

For me the photos and cards I got after are the only 'real' thing I have left of them.

Terribly sad times. I remember going through labour ok but at the time of pushing I didnt want them to leave me as then the dream was really over.

Even taking the tablet felt like I was killing them - daft really because they had already died.

Wishing you strength over the next few days

user1485380732 · 28/01/2017 18:54

totally agree too about the photos & seeing/holding your baby. I forgot about those bits too - a friend arranged the cremation of J, our wee boy & a small service was held for him. heartbreaking at the time, but as minmooch said these are our only keepsakes of that time. I recall too other friends encouraging us to talk of him; you should never feel that this baby is not important, he or she is already part of your family & its history. Even though we went on to have another son, J was & is still talked about

Original poster

Jujaya · 29/01/2017 08:53

Thank you so much for your kind replies. I went to the hospital yesterday and had a little breakdown and insisted they check again. They were very kind and did so I looked at the scan so I could see for myself. I think I needed to. He looked just perfect and I am less scared about seeing him now. I am convinced the baby is a boy so we will call him Tobias. I had all the blood tests done but they are suspecting I picked up an infection. I do know parvo virus was going round my daughter's school in December and I am wondering if I picked it up maybe. I guess we shall see. I feel more ready for tomorrow now. Thanks again.

OP posts:

Danglybits · 29/01/2017 23:07

So sorry for your loss.

minmooch · 29/01/2017 23:43

I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

It is a very sad moment to say hello and goodbye to your baby. I wish you luck be and strength xx

Lissette · 29/01/2017 23:51

for Jujaya and minmooch. My heart goes out to you. minmooch you've been through so much and you are always so lovely and supportive to other posters.

minmooch · 30/01/2017 07:17

Thank you Lisette

Op - thinking of you.

TabbyTurmoil · 30/01/2017 07:20

Thinking of you today

Only1scoop · 30/01/2017 07:26

Thinking of you Op

snowone · 30/01/2017 07:32

Sending you all the positive thoughts I can, I'm very sorry for your loss

minmooch · 31/01/2017 07:03

Jujaya. Yesterday will have been terribly sad. I hope you are surrounded by love.

Original poster

Jujaya · 31/01/2017 20:20

Hi there. Thank you once again for all your thoughts. I have got home an hour or so ago. It was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. The baby was a little boy and looked just perfect. I am so glad that I got to see him and say goodbye to his beautiful little face. He was beautiful as well. Leaving the hospital without him has destroyed me. I felt as though I was abandoning him with no one if that makes sense. I don't think the hormones are helping. On the whole I just feel very empty inside and guess it will take time. I am being well looked after. Physically I am doing pretty much okay but did lose a fair amount of blood. Thank you for your kindness and for sharing your stories with me. They really did help and I am so sorry that we all have had to go through this heartbreak.

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 31/01/2017 20:28

Oh Op bless you

I remember the hardest thing being having to walk away too.

So sorry you are going through this. I found the Bereavement midwives to be wonderful, and it's good to hear you are being well looked after by family too.
Thinking of you

flymykitehigh · 31/01/2017 20:30

so sorry for your loss, you have been amazingly brave.

Thinking of you and your little one

MarshaBrady · 31/01/2017 20:34

I'm so sorry , sending much love to you, Tobias and your family

3luckystars · 31/01/2017 20:40

I am so sorry for your loss. Wishing you strength at this difficult time. His name is absolutely gorgeous x

musicalmama · 31/01/2017 20:48

So sorry for your loss.

Lissette · 31/01/2017 21:30

I'm so sorry for your loss Jujaya

Blueroses99 · 05/02/2017 09:54

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you have some RL support. I found the Sands groups very supportive in dealing with my grief. I found some people don't understand losing a baby before term which can feel very insensitive so I leaned on those that understood. Look after yourself and your partner.

Fairybella · 05/02/2017 09:58

Sorry for you loss your all brave and so strong

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