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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Announcing pregnancies so early

11 replies

UnicornPee · 30/10/2016 10:40

I know many won't agree with me here.
But as someone who had a MC at 8 weeks this year it pains me to see people announce their pregnancies on Facebook when they are only 6 weeks pregnant.
I've seen two in the last week.

I am thankful that I never announced mine as i would have found it hard to then tell everyone I had a MC.

Not that I am saying MC shouldn't be discussed. More that i think it's best to find out everything is as it should be before shouting from the rooftops.
Hum.

OP posts:

purpleporpoise · 30/10/2016 10:42

I also had an early MC and only family and very close friends knew. The next time only my mum knew til we'd had an early scan at 7 weeks, then we told the rest of the family, and close friends, and my boss.
Facebook announcement wasn't until after 13 weeks

Northernlurker · 30/10/2016 10:45

I'm very sorry for your loss.
I think some people announce early because they would want people to know, whether they miscarry or not. Others announce early because they have the luxury of believing everything will be ok and the odds are on their side. Far more pregnancies succeed than miscarry.
Either way, that's their choice. You do what's right for you, they do what's right for them. It's tough to see when you've had such a painful experience as you have had though.

purpleporpoise · 30/10/2016 10:46

I guess it's personal choice but the more you tell, the more you have to tell about mc.
I think MC is just not on some people's wavelength IYSWIM, it doesn't occur to them they might lose it.
When I see early announcements, I hope that it works out for them.
I also think there is far too much stigma around pregnancy loss, and it's OK to talk about it.
I didn't post about mine on my main FB page because I didn't want to make people feel sad for me, and I needed to grieve privately. I don't shy away from it now, but only if the subject comes up

Thingymaboob · 30/10/2016 10:52

I told everyone (friends/ work colleagues) that I was pregnant at 6 weeks when I saw them. I then miscarried and I found it the best thing because the people I told were so supportive and I really feel people should be open about it. I didn't announce it on facebook as I hate it when people do that even 12/20 week scans. I will still tell my friends and work colleagues in first trimester next time because if I mc again, I'll need their support more than ever. It's an individual choice. I do however think it's awful to announce on facebook. I don't want my babies picture to be commented on and shared before they're even born!

SleepFreeZone · 30/10/2016 10:58

It really is personal choice. I very naively announced my first child's pregnancy at the point I got a BFP. I remember a couple of cautious replies wishing me luck and I can remember being irritated. That pregnancy went perfectly and the same friends admitted afterwards they were so worried about me and were so glad all went well - again I was a bit annoyed as they were being so negative.

Fast forward three years and after three miscarriages I suddenly got it. I only announced DS2s pregnancy and when he was in my arms. That's how scared I was! So whilst I agree with you I've been in both positions and can see why happy naive people might spill the beans very early due to excitement.

NeverGoOutOfStyle · 30/10/2016 20:46

I think it's really personal.

We did decide to stick to the wait until 12 weeks and I miscarried early on. We hadn't even told our mums. We found it really hard in the days and weeks following the miscarriage that no-one knew, we told our closest friends and friends we often see but aren't super close to after, because we both took it really hard and it was quite obvious that something was up with us. My partner especially found that whenever his friends would ask how he was he found it hard to just say fine when he actually felt really awful. We felt like keeping it to just us didn't really help us.

We decided that next time round, we would tell our mums and probably one or two of our friends that have been fantastic support quite soon after we found out, because if it were to go the same way, we'd want their support again and I feel like I'd really benefit from having one or two of my closest friends know as I suspect I'll be really anxious and it would be nice having someone to talk to, but nothing would go on social media for a lot longer.

Thingymaboob · 30/10/2016 21:35

Hi Nevergooutofstyle. I'm so sorry for your loss. I would have found it very hard if my friends / family /work colleagues didn't know. I didn't tell everyone, just people who we see all the time and many of my colleagues have been through IVF and MC. When I was off sick (1 week) they sent me a lovely bunch of flowers and were so considerate when I went back. Are you planning on ttc again soon?
I am never ever going to announce on Facebook. Nor am I going to put the full name, date of birth and hospital when my child was born. You can steal peoples identities with the information available on Facebook (mothers maiden name, place of birth etc). I think it's absolute madness to post that information on Facebook.

TheLegendOfBeans · 30/10/2016 21:54

Ah man, this is such a personal thing and I fall into both camps on this matter. I'm aware of couples who've announced their pregnancy early and have had to factor in managing the "fallout" when they miscarried. As of a miscarriage isn't awful enough, having to put up with the texts, fb messages etc; for some it must make an upsetting time more upsetting to have to engage about it on such a public platform.

I - personally - think that announcing anything like that on social media carries a degree of risk. I never announced my pregnancy but felt a bit anxious when a pic of me with a visible bump went up when i was 22 weeks. Several folk commented and that gave me the worry alone that I'd have to "media manage" anything going wrong.

that said, I was super blasé about my second pregnancy; started telling every man and his dog when I hit 10w. When I miscarried at 11w it hit me so hard. However, the support and kind words from my gym buddies really helped me out and made me feel that I wasn't alone and demystified it all a bit.

In conclusion, I think that any social media announcement carries risks but if the question is "is 6w too early to announce a pregnancy" I'd say not really...but after my experience I can see why folk obey the 12w rule.

TurquoiseDress · 01/11/2016 12:01

It's definitely a very personal thing.

I never did any pregnancy announcement on FB- only when LO was actually here safe and sound- a few photos of me at weddings & birthdays showed me clearly pregnant at 6+ months and that's how most 'FB friends' got to know.

I would never have wanted to post up a scan photo on FB but that's just me, but I have always been a bit cautious despite everything going perfectly well in my first pregnancy.

People posting the full names of their baby while only a few moths pregnant, talking in detail about all their maternity leave plans, how they were so over the moon to be escaping from work or getting out of some such arrangement due to the pregnancy...I always just thought, I'd keep all that to myself...but that's just me!

Now with my 2nd pregnancy we were planning to tell our parents & close family once we'd had the dating scan all ok...sadly the scan showed the baby had already died.

If I'm lucky enough to become pregnant again, I'll definitely just be telling close family & friends and not making any announcement on FB until the baby is in my arms.

Blueroses99 · 16/11/2016 12:55

I wasn't planning on doing a Facebook announcement until my baby arrived, but I told my family, friends and colleagues after the 12wk scan. I unexpectedly lost my baby at 21wks (even though everything was fine at 20wk scan) and struggled with the thought that most of our extended family and friends wouldn't know what DH & I had been through (so we'd have to try to act 'normal') or know that our beautiful baby boy existed. We have a lot of friends and family overseas. So after a couple of weeks, I posted about our loss - and we got a huge amount of support since so I'm glad we did. I love hearing them mention his name and know they've seen his photos.

On the other had, I've now realised that 12/20 wk scans doesn't mean the baby is going to arrive safely so I'm torn between the idea of announcing after an early scan or waiting til the baby is here.

captin1234 · 21/11/2016 00:33

Unfortunately due to the nature of my work i had to disclose that i was pregnant at an early stage, 5wks im 7wk 6d today and having a MMC. Attended my Antenatal clinic appointment today then came away couple hours later with the news our babys heartbeat could no longer be heard. Im going in for op on wed. Im not sure yet how i feel about everyone at work knows yet, i think there are going to be some awkward and upsetting days ahead.

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