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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Due date

19 replies

PotatoesPastaAndBread · 27/09/2016 20:41

I don't even know why I'm starting this thread or what I hope to get from it.

Earlier this year I had a miscarriage following ivf. It was my first and only pregnancy in three and a half years of trying to get pregnant.

My due date would have been Thursday this week. That's also my 37th birthday.

I thought I was OK about it. I'm not really, I now realise.

Any thoughts or advice?

OP posts:
Josie01 · 27/09/2016 20:49

I have no advice. But couldn't not reply. Big hugs xx

Do you have plans for your birthday?

Original poster
PotatoesPastaAndBread · 27/09/2016 21:02

Thanks Josie
No, no plans. Work from home to avoid people. I don't even know what I want to do really. I'm not big on birthdays anyway (infertility + getting old = ignore birthdays)

OP posts:
jaffacakes16 · 27/09/2016 21:13

It's gonna be rough just look after yourself, sorry I have no magic advice to make it better x

Coughingchildren5 · 27/09/2016 21:14

Just go easy on yourself and let yourself feel what you need to feel. So sorry for your loss xx

Original poster
PotatoesPastaAndBread · 27/09/2016 21:15

Thanks guys. I'm just having a pity party. Thanks for keeping me company.

OP posts:
YorkieDorkie · 27/09/2016 21:16

Sometimes you just need a pity party Flowers. Life's not fair.

Paige84 · 27/09/2016 23:44

So sorry for your loss. I'm in a similar position, my due date should have been next Wednesday and I have no idea what to do.
I feel like I need to mark the day somehow despite the rest of the world forgetting.
I hope Thursday is as peaceful as it can be for you x

Original poster
PotatoesPastaAndBread · 28/09/2016 08:12

Thanks girlie

Sorry to hear you had a miscarriage too Paige. I hope you find a way to mark it.

At the time I did tell the friends that knew and my husband that the due date was my birthday. They have all forgotten, even dh, and can't understand why I don't want to talk about my birthday. I can't be arsed to remind them. I'm just going hide under the duvet.

OP posts:
BipBippadotta · 28/09/2016 08:23

It's just so hard. I'm so sorry. Do remind your DH, as once he remembers he'll be able to look after you. The one thing I've learned through my losses is it's important never to cut yourself off from potential sources of comfort. You need all the care & love & cuddles & support you can get, and it does help. My DH frequently forgets the anniversary of our daughter's death - it annoys the shit out of me and I find it hurtful, but he does want to be reminded, and once we're both prepared for it we can grieve together, and that feels important.

Take care of yourself. It's such a hard time. And really cruel that it's on your birthday.

BipBippadotta · 28/09/2016 08:24

Flowers to everyone else facing difficult milestones and anniversaries.

KittyandTeal · 28/09/2016 08:27

TBH since loosing dd2 and ds I really don't enjoy birthdays, Christmas or Mother's Day anymore. I even struggled with my dd1s birthday this year (ds should have been just a few weeks old)

I think you have to get through it the best way you can. I have found the build up to due dates and anniversaries are usually harder than the actual day itself. I tend to do something gentle, visit the crematorium or something similar.

I'm sorry you are feeling rubbish, and sorry your lost your baby. It's such a hard thing to go through

Original poster
PotatoesPastaAndBread · 28/09/2016 15:27

Thanks ladies.

You're right about support bip. I mentioned to it too dh, he sort of registered it but I don't think he got how bothered I was. Kitty it's sad to hear how it's affected you at so many times.

It'll be over quickly and I can just go back to being barren.

OP posts:
bananafish81 · 28/09/2016 21:36

All the love and hugs

I've got my due date coming up (as you know) and it's just a massive shit sandwich any way you cut it

I've mentioned the date to DH before and he has said let's try not to focus on the specific date - which is I know his own coping mechanism, rather than him not giving a shit. But still drives me potty because how the fuck can I not focus on the fact we were supposed to be having a baby - and actually I'm having surgery for another miscarriage instead.

I think you just do whatever it is you can to try and keep vaguely sane. Gin. Chocolate. Maybe not your special morning sickness remedy for Bip Wink

Much love. It's really shit. Flowers

Original poster
PotatoesPastaAndBread · 28/09/2016 21:56

Thanks banana
Vodka and marzipan are my poisons of choice x

OP posts:
bananafish81 · 29/09/2016 09:59

Thinking of you and DH today potatoes FlowersChocolateWine(in lieu of vodka and marzipan emoji) xxx

BipBippadotta · 29/09/2016 10:45

Thinking of you too, Potatoes & sending hugs.

jaffacakes16 · 29/09/2016 15:24

Hugs for today, hope you're doing ok

Original poster
PotatoesPastaAndBread · 29/09/2016 18:51

It was ok in the end, build up worse than the day.
Thanks for all your support.

OP posts:
Blueroses99 · 29/09/2016 22:28

I'm sorry for your loss Potatoes. I'm glad today was ok though. Happy birthday 🎂

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